Facebook And Other Shenanigans
by Shuichi Saito
Summary: What If...The Mortal Instruments characters had facebook? Whose in a relationship with who? And what on earth is happening to Alec's account! Includes all cannon pairings. Crack-fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Alexander Lightwood** and **Simon Lewis** are now friends.  
><strong>Jace- <strong>You have friends!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Thanks  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

**Jace** to **Clary Fray.** – Love you :)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Love you too! Xxxx  
><em>(Jace likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Ew.  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Hey!

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Alexander Lightwood**. –Good morning darling! Love you! XXXXXX  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- :) xxx  
><em>(Magnus Bane likes this)<br>_**Jace**- Ew  
><strong>Jace<strong>- ^ Paybacks a bitch ;)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You're a bitch ;)  
><em>(Clary Fray, Simon Lewis, Isabelle Lightwood and 7 other people like this)<em>

**Jace**- I'm hungry  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Tell me about it D:  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I'll get started on dinner!  
><strong>Jace<strong>- NO!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I'm not hungry anymore.

**Alexander Lightwood** to **Magnus 'sparkles' bane**- Where's my sweater?

_(Simon Lewis, Jace, Clary Fray and 4 other people like this)__  
><em>**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Chairman's new blanket :)  
><em>(Chairman Meow likes this)<em>

**Alexander Lightwood**- On second thought, where's the rest of my clothing? I've only got my boxers to wear D:  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I don't mind ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray and Maia like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**-...I hate you...  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Love you too xxxx

**Jace**- WHO PUT WHIPPED CREAM UNDER MY COMFORTER!  
><em>(Magnus 'Sparkles' Bane, Simon Lewis, Alexander Lightwood and 13 other people like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Not me.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- You were the one saying that my cooking's bad!  
><strong>Jace<strong>- It is!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- No it isn't!  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Is!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- My cooking skills are amazing! Aren't they Alec?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Alec?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Alexander Lightwood!  
><strong>Jace<strong>- lol  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Simon Lewis like this)<em>

**Simon Lewis** is in a relationship with** Isabelle Lightwood  
>Simon Lewis<strong>- 3  
>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>**Clary Fray**- Aww! How cute!  
>(Simon Lewis, Isabelle lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>**Jace**- Really?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> No, they did it for a joke. *Rolls eyes*  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Yes really, Jace. Hey Magnus? Celebration shopping?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Meet me in 10 :)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Kay.

**Alexander Lightwood** to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- **Whenever I'm around you I want to rip those tantalizingly tight clothes from your body and ravish you. You're such a hottie! Call me for a good time baby! You know where I am ;)  
><em>(Jace, Clary Fray, Simon Lewis and 10 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Why Alexander, I didn't know you felt that way about me ;)  
><em>(Maia, Simon Lewis, Isabelle Lightwood and 16 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Lol. Fraped much?  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Ugh! JACE! I am actually going to kill you!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Sounds like a good plan! It would solve so many problems.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jace**- Bring it on dear brother!

**Clary Fray** has changed her profile picture.  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Ur hot.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Simon Lewis**- *You're. Learn to spell Goldilocks.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

**Clary Fray**- Hey guys? Who's free today? We could all meet up at the mall :)  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- I am!  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Me too :)  
><strong>Isabelle<strong>- Shopping?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- If you want.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I'll come too!__

**Jace**- Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I'm shocked at how hot I actually am :)  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- That's because you are! 3  
><em>(Jace likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I think you need to take that mirror back to the shops and demand a refund, there's clearly a fault.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Simon Lewis and 2 other people like this)<em>

**Jace**- I think you need to buy a mirror.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I don't need to, I look hot all the time. ;)  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jace**- OBJECTION!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<em>

**(finale!)  
>Hope you guys liked it! Got the random idea in my head the other day XD<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane **to** Jace- **Have you taken that mirror back for a refund yet? ;)  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and 10 other people like this)<em> 

...****

**Alexander Lightwood **likes the pages **I'm Gay **and **That's What She Said  
><strong>_(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray and 3 other people like this)_  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- JACE!  
><strong>Jace- <strong>What?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Stop hacking my FB account D:  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Change your password then XD  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I don't know how...

...

**Clary fray**- Just to let you know, Jace uses rose scented shampoo.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Simon Lewis like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Knew it.  
><em>(Maia likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- **Steal my shampoo again Goldilocks, and I'll shave your eyebrows off when you're sleeping. That shampoo costs more than your life.  
><em>(Simon Lewis likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- I'd still look hot without eyebrows, you know it.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- <strong>Where's a Dislike button when you need it D:  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Simon Lewis and Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>_  
><em>

**Simon**- Level 34, YES! 8-)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jace**- Why bother posting things that nobody cares about?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Why bother commenting about things that nobody cares about? Ignore him Cinnamon, I care! :)  
><em>(Simon Lewis likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- I love you!  
><em>(Isabelle lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Love you too!  
><em>(Simon Lewis likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- *Gags*

_(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Alexander Lightwood, Maia and 5 other people like this)_

...

**Superglued To A Closet Lightwood**- Why Jace? Why?  
>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis and 15 other people like this)<br>**Jace**- MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- XD  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Highly appropriate name, I might add…  
><em>(Jace and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_**Superglued To A Closet Lightwood**- I hate you guys.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- …  
><strong>Superglued To A Closet Lightwood-<strong> Maggie! I don't hate you! :D  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_

…. 

**Isabelle Lightwood** started playing **Cooking Mama  
><strong>_(Superglued To A Closet Lightwood, Jace, Clary Fray and 16 other people like this)__**  
><strong>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- **Oh the irony ;)**  
><strong>_(Superglued To A Closet Lightwood likes this)_**  
><strong>

….

**Simon**- My playstation keeps freezing when I put COD in :( :( :(  
><em>(Jace and Simon Lewis like this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Man, that sucks!  
><strong>Superglued To A Closet Lightwood<strong> - Stop putting fish in your playstation then.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, Jace and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- You're so adorable and oblivious! ;)  
><strong>Superglued To A Closet Lightwood<strong>- Huh?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

….

**Jace**- I can feel the poison slowly working its way through my blood, I can't feel my toes and my nose is going blue. Death is nearing, I can tell. My vision's going blurry; I can't even see how hot I am in my mirror anymore. Tell Clary I love her, and always will. I also wish for my weapon collection to be given to Alec, my parabati; and my precious XBOX to go to Simon, despite how much I hate him. Tell Magnus he's okay too, I guess. Just that he should lay off the glitter a little though. I love you guys…bye…  
><em>(Superglued To A Closet Lightwood, Clary Fray, Simon Lewis and 15 other people like this)<br>_**Superglued To A Closet Lightwood- **Sweet! Can I have your nunchucks too?  
><em>(Simon Lewis likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon Lewis- <strong>Hey! I want his nunchucks!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- For goodness sake Jace! I only got you to try one of my homemade cookies. Stop being such a dramaqueen!  
><em>(Superglued To A Closet Lightwood, Clary Fray, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 6 other people like this)<em>

….

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Superglued To A Closet Lightwood**- Italian Restaurant, me, you, now. ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like this)<em>  
><strong>Superglued To A Closet Lightwood<strong>- Okay, when? :)  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Meet me there in 10. xxxxx  
><em>(Superglued To A Closet lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Which restaurant?  
><strong>Superglued To A Closet Lightwood<strong>- The one a couple of roads away from Magnus' apartment. Called Bella Italia :)  
><strong>Jace<strong>- I'm going to stalk you and ruin the evening now I know where you're going, in retaliation for leaving me at home. Alone. With Izzy's cooking.  
><strong>Superglued To A Closet Lightwood<strong>- Sorry.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Stalk us and you die.  
><em>(Superglued To A Closet lightwood likes this)<em>

….

**Simon Lewis** to **Isabelle Lightwood**- You're as sweet as 3.14159 :)  
><strong>Jace<strong>- *facepalm*  
><em>(Superglued To A Closet Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray and 12 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- You really know how to woo the ladies, don't you Lewis.  
><em>(Superglued To A Closet Lightwood and Jace like this)<em>

….

**Second chapter XD  
>I hope you like :)<strong>

**Just a shout out to the following people:  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel****  
><strong>**AdInfinitum1830****  
><strong>**PanicxAtxThexDiscoxFan****  
>(The reviewer who didn't have a name) ;)<br>****funkyhats**** (Awesome account name, by the way)  
><strong>**IssyRedbird****  
><strong>**Lillypad58099****  
><strong>**ehkooner**

**Thank you for the lovely reviews! It's what made me write a second chapter :D :D :D :D  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Jace** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Damn! You changed your username AND password, why did you do that?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Maybe because this is my facebook account, I don't really want my adoptive brother putting up useless posts D:  
><strong>Jace<strong>- I bet your password's something easy, like 'Sweaters' or 'Magnus'  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Shi...  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>

*(What If)* 

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Daww! Church is so cute with a bow on his head :3  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- What colour is it?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Pink, with glitter.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Lucky kitty!  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Poor fat-cat, no wonder he hates you.  
><strong>Isabelle<strong>- Church isn't fat; he's just storing food reserves in case there's a global disaster and there nobody there to feed him.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles Bane and Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- And hey! Church loves me!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Cats scratch to show affection.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles Bane and Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- I sometimes question your logic…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Simon Lewis like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Clary Fray** to **Jace**- Love you!  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Love you more!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Not possible! :3  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Is possible.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Is not.  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Is too :)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Maia and 2 other people like this)<br>_**Jace**- Damn you bloodsucker D:  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- XD

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Life is like a box of chocolates :3 :)

_(Magnus 'sparkles Bane, Maia and Clary Fray like this)_  
><strong>Jace-<strong> A cheap, thoughtless, and unimaginative gift that no one asks for…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- That's filled with disgusting fruit creams…  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- And teeth-shatteringly chocolate covered nuts…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- And in the end, all you're left with is an empty cardboard box…  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- That you're not quite sure what to do with…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- …  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Jace like this)<br>_**Simon Lewis**- Recycle?

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- CHAIRMAN MEOW JUST ATE MY GLITTER, THE LITTLE FLUFF-BALL! :C  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Clary Fray and 15 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Poor baby! Was it you're last pot?  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- It was from a limited edition, you know, that pretty aquamarine colour D:  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- AND NOW HE'S THROWN IT UP ON MY SOFA, IT'S LIKE ACID. IT'S BURNING THE FABRIC!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Jace like this)<em>

**Jace**- Let me get this right, Chairman has thrown up blue coloured sick on your sofa, and while the fabric is slowly burning away, you're updating your status…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkled' Bane<strong>- GO AWAY! I'M MOURNING THE DEATH OF MY GLITTER! ALEXANDER, COME ROUND HERE RIGHT NOW WITH 8 MILK CHOCOLATE BARS AND A BOTTLE OF CHERRYADE, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION ALONE!  
><em>(Jace, Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray and 1 other person like this)<em>

**Simon Lewis**- While you're there Alec, can you fix his caps lock button please? Thanks.  
><em>(Jace, Alexander Lightwood, Maia and 2 other people like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Hey babe, fancy going to London next week :)  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Sounds great :3 Why London though?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Three words: Liberty and Selfridges! :D Plus, I got a gorgeous room overlooking Big Ben. What's not to love?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Maggie! That must have cost tons!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You can't put a price on love darling.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Lucky you! Simon's taking my camping next week D:  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- ! Camping, like, sleeping in flimsy fabric houses on the mud! It'll be like that documentary I saw on TV once, about a woman who got mauled to death after a bear managed to get into her tent.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Maia and Clary Fray like this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>-…  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- MAGNUS! Hey! I spent a whole day convincing Isabelle that camping would be safe and fun. Thanks for putting her off.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Heh, no need to thank me ;)

*(What If)*

**Jace**- Erm, hello. Why is there now custard under my comforter? First Whipped cream, now custard. What next? Jelly? Are we trying to create a trifle?  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Simon Lewis and 4 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Just a note, whoever made the custard added one too many eggs. It tastes weird.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Ew! You ate custard off your bed D:  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I hope you liked the 'vile, acidic' custard :C  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Huh?  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Isabelle made some nasty pudding with custard, it was rank. I could feel my teeth melting.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- So I put it on his bed in retaliation since he called it 'vile and acidic' But it clearly wasn't, it was lovely! I even saved you some for when you get back from Magnus' :)

**Jace**- RUN ALEC! RUN!  
><strong>Jace<strong>- IF YOU WANT ANY TEETH BY THE AGE OF 20; GET A HEAD START AND RUN NOW!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
><strong>Wow! So many lovely reviews! I love you guys!<br>Also, I'm trying to separate each separate entry so it's easier to read, hopefully this layout works.**

**And now for the shout out for the people who reviewed chapter 2! (And replies to the reviews)  
><strong>**MaraudingMonster**(Why thank you, I get my dreadful sense of humour from my mum)**  
><strong>**IamAnAsshat**(I voted Mortal Instruments on your poll) XD**  
><strong>**Igor Lollipop**(I love writing this, so yes. There will be more) :)**  
><strong>**Girl59 **(Thank you!)**  
><strong>**lilianneherondale**(Glad you like it)**  
><strong>**mbrattoo**(Thank you!) :) :)**  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel**(Which ones did you read to your mum? I'm glad she enjoyed them too) XD**  
>Malec4ever <strong>(Of course you did XD Everyone gets a shout out!)**  
><strong>**Piano Mirukoto**(You don't have to wait long fellow fanfictioner) **  
><strong>**IssyRedbird**(He's just so…hackable? Poor thing) XD**  
><strong>**lizrocks19**(Thank you) :D**  
><strong>**Musicals**(Don't worry, I'll keep writing) :)**  
><strong>**Gigabit**(Wow, epic? Really? XD Thank you!)**  
>funkyhats <strong>(It wouldn't be pushing it at all, and yes, I love writing the bits where Alec gets hacked) XD**  
><strong>**ehkooner**(I was hoping people would get that, I'm glad you did. What's sad is my friend used it as a pick-up line on some girls, I'm not shocked to say that he was unsuccessful) ****

**I'll try to get another couple of chapters up before I go into hospital next Wednesday! Hopefully this chapter hasn't been a disappointment :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Clary Fray**- Just a message to everyone, Jace is ill.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkls' Bane and Simon Lewis like this)<br>_**Simon Lewis**- I knew it was a bad idea to eat custard off beds...  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Another fatality due to Isabelle's cooking.  
><strong>Jace-<strong> Hey…I am actually alive…  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Another! Who was the first?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Timmy the tastebuds. I now can't taste anything ever since offering to try some of her 'seafood surprise'  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Hello!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- ! What was the surprise?  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Guys! It was just a cold! I'm feeling better now.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Mine had marshmallow in it, and what tasted like a whole bottle of extra spicy hot sauce.  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Guys!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Eh! That's nasty! I remember when she offered me a chocolate muffin…  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Helllllloooooo!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Muffins are nice :3  
><strong>Jace<strong>- …  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- This one was purple and had unidentifiable yellow lumps in it.  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Guys!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- We're sensible men, we know to avoid the kitchen at all costs if that girl has a spatula or a box of cake mix.  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Guys!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Oh hey Jace.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You feeling better now?  
><strong>Jace<strong>- …  
><em>(Simon Lewis and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em> 

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Do you have any spare cash?  
><em>(Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Firstly, it's called money. And secondly, why?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- That Vivienne Westwood top won't buy itself. I wish it could, but it can't. You have more money than I do, so you're paying.

**Alexander Lightwood**- It's called 'A Job'  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- It's called 'My desperate face' I'm wearing it right now.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Why don't you wear 'Your desperate face' instead of that Viral Pinewood top? At least it doesn't cost anything.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- It's Vivienne Westwood darling.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- * Why don't you wear 'Your desperate face' instead of that Vivienne Westwood top? At least it doesn't cost anything  
><strong>Isabelle lightwood<strong>- I'm not going to pick up guys if I wear a 'desperate face'  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jace<strong>- You might get a one-night-stand which is pretty much a 'Long Term Relationship' in Isabelle speak. And anyway, haven't you got a boyfriend?  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Oh yeah! I love you Simon!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- …  
><em>(Jace, Alexander Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_

*(What if)* 

**Alexander Lightwood**- Oh yes! My scrummy Victoria Secret thong came in the post today, limited edition too! The one with purple rhinestones and see-through lace. I'm gunna look so SEXAH that the guys wont be able to keep their hands off me! ROAR, Watch out fit guys, the transvestite tiger has entered the vicinity ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, Clary Fray and 3 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Jace-<strong> Wtf?  
><em>(Simon Lewis likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I'm wearing it now as we speak! Just casually admiring myself in the full length mirror ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Damn, I'm hot, purple is SO my colour!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Alec! What are you on?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Dude, drugs are bad.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I'm not on drugs guys, I've just hit a turning point in life. I need the freedom, the escape...I…I…I'm going to become a woman.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Alec, listen to me. You'd make a crappy woman, you're my BROTHER.  
><strong>Jace<strong>- ! I thought you were gay!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Not anymore, I want to become a woman.

**Alexander Lightwood**- MAGNUS! GUYS, IGNORE ALL THAT!  
><strong>Jace<strong>-?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I went to Starbucks and Magnus updated my status… ):  
><em>(Jace, Simon Lewis and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Hahaha! Oh man!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- How do you delete a status?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- XD  
><strong>Jace<strong>- XD  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Seriously guys!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- This is priceless.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Guys, please, how do you delete this?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Simon! Get a screenshot quick; and upload this to that fail website.  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Got one :)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- You guys are evil.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Simon Lewis, Jace and 7 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- **You love us really.

*(What if)*

**Clary Fray-** Oh! I do hate it when people talk in 'Chav Talk'… ): **(1)**  
><strong>Jace<strong>- Oi blud! What ya talkin' bout init mate?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Excuse me miss; What are you talking about?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- How's it hangin' dude!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *How are you doing, friend?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- … -_-  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- She said 'Chav-Talk' Simon, not 'I'm-Stuck-In-The-Early-90's' talk. And Alec, do you have to keep correcting everything? 

*(What If)*

**Simon Lewis** to **Jace**- Were you the one who replaced the blood from my blood packs with cherry Ribena?  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Jace and 2 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jace Wayland/Morgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- Like my new name peeps?  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Not a mouthful at all…  
><em>(Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale__ likes this)_  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- I felt a little left out, everyone else had a last name apart from me. I was just Jace.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Don't you feel that doing that is too mainstream for a 'magnificent' person, as you say?  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- I'm not good with coming up with facebook names.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Hmm…Why don't you put a verb or something in front of your name, but make sure it begins with J. So it goes with your name?  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- Good idea! Unique :)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Jumping Jace?  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- Jogging Jace?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Jangling Jace?  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- Jazzin' Jace?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Jitterbug Jace?  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- Joyride Jace?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles's Bane<strong>- Juicy Jace?  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale**- Jiggling Jace?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Jaffa Jace?  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale-** Jamaican Jace?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Jammy Jace?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Jackass Jace?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- XD Ding Ding Ding, We have a winner!  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale-** I'm not being called Jackass Jace…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I'll get you a free Chinese take-away if you change your name to Jackass Jace for a week.  
><strong>Jace WaylandMorgernstern/Lightwood/Herondale-** Chinese takeaway and 5 bottles of ginger beer.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Deal.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- You guys are so weird.

*(What If)*

**Isabelle lightwood**- Um…Anyone seen my liquid gel eyeliner? It was Dior.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ugh, where's the dislike button ): I hope you find it soon sweetie.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Door? Like cupboard door?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> No, Dior. It's a fancy brand…oh, forget it. Anyway, you seen it?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I thought I saw it on the coffee table this morning.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Me too.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> What does it look like?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Looks like a fine felt tip pen, all black, glossy. Say's DIORLINER on the side.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Whoops.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Whoops?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I thought it was a pen so I put it in my pocket so that when I went to Starbucks I could do some writing, there was this guy looking for a pen so I offered him that Doorline thingy, but I forgot to ask for it back.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles Bane**- *Diorliner  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> XD  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- That. Cost. $30  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Sorry.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- You'll be paying that back with your soul…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Run!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Quick! Hide! The She-Wolf is coming!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- She-Wolf? As if, Izzy's more like a banshee  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- You better run too Blondie.

*(What If)*

**Slightly longer chapter this time, I'm not sure why :D  
>The Shout Out to people who've reviewed:<br>****AdInfinitum1830****  
><strong>**LUXIOSMASH**** (I forgot you were on Fanfiction) XD  
><strong>**Girl59****  
><strong>**ehkooner****  
><strong>**  
><strong>**Igor Lollipop****  
><strong>**Kitty1982****  
><strong>**sarahsalim****  
>Malec4ever (Ak! Don't choke XD –But I'm glad I made you laugh)<br>****IssyRedbird**

**mbrattoo****  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel**

**(Also, a thank you to all those people who added me to: Favourite author, favourite story, story alert)**

**(1) Hey, I'm not quite sure if my lovely American followers know what chav's are, if not, just google them XD**

**And thank you for the reviews, I got quite a lot of inspiration for the status' from your reviews. I love you guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter (Alec really is clueless at facebook, he needs a manual or something) **


	5. Chapter 5

**Isabelle Lightwood**- I'm in love with a vampire :3  
><em>(Simon Lewis likes this)<br>_**Simon Lewis**- Why thank you, I do try.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Not you! -_- Edward Cullen.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- He's dreamy!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- He is! Ahhh!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Wow, I feel like second helpings.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Join the club.  
><strong>Isabellle Lightwood<strong>- His skin!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Noooo! His hair!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Edward isn't a real vampire.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- !  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Why?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- The sparkly skin. Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.  
><em>(Simon Lewis, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Maia likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)* <p>

**Jackass Jace**- Like for a like :)  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood and 1 other person likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Hey, I like that your my parabati's/brothers boyfriend, and that you knew that chocolate stopped Clary having her 'Time-Of-The-Month' bitch fits. Just...lay off the glitter a bit, when it's sunny and it reflects off your skin, it burns my eyes.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I'll pretend I haven't read that comment about my beloved glitter. Anyway, this 'Like for a like' sounds pretty cool; I might give it a go.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hey! No copying!

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Parabati Buddy! You understand how fantastic I am. You're always there to talk to, you're cool. Just remove that stick from...err...there and have some fun! Next time there's a rave we're (Me and Izzy) are dragging you with us.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Isabelle Lightwood**- You're my sister, and you know how to make Clary look super hot, I'll give you credit for that. Um...Have you ever thought about signing up to a cooking class? You're always whining about how nobody wants to come over for dinner, I think the 'dinner' part scares them off.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Hey!

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray-** Where shall I start! You're amazing and short, which is cool. You're super pretty and have nice hair. I love what you wear and you're not like the other girls who sit in circles and paint their toenails. I never understand the point of that, if you're wearing socks and shoes nobody's going to see your toenails.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Thanks…I guess…I'll remember not to paint my toenails.

*(What If)* 

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Like for a like? (Hah! Jace!)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Simon Lewis and 58 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- 61 people eh? Good luck with that.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I didn't know you had that many friends! :O :O ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Be nice Jace. Where are your manners?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Manners; What manners? ;)

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- Lol, Simon just sent me a text saying "Love you babe! Can't wait for tonight"  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Clary Fray like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Even the guys want me. :D  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I highly doubt that blondie.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Simon Lewis**- That was meant to go to Isabelle. I'm terribly sorry Jace, but I feel no emotional connection to you.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- So. Are we still on for tonight?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- If you want to, my mum is out, so we have the house to ourselves :D  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- SHE'S UNDERAGE SIMON! UNDERAGE!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Huh? The age limit is 12.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- That's outrageous! Last time I checked it was 16! Or somewhere around that age.  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Nope. I started watching them when I was like, 9. Don't tell mum though XD  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- 9!

**Alexander Lightwood**- Wait…Watched?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- You are talking about the Harry Potter films, right?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- ?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Isabelle's coming round my house to have a Harry Potter marathon…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh…Err…In that case, have fun :)  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Awkward! XD  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>

*(What If)* 

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Just found my long belted tunic from the 13th century at the back of closet! Wow, it brings back memories from my youth.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace and 5 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I have just calculated that the age difference between you and Alec is 781 years.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Your point being.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well...  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Do you want a certificate or something?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Or I can get a fairy to write "I KNOW THE AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY BROTHER AND HIS BOYFRIEND" In red lipstick on your bedroom wall, believe me. I have connections.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- As lovely as that sounds, I think the red would clash with my bed covers.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Suit yourself.

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-** I'm dying! Help!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- You okay Maggie! Xxx  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- What's up sweetie!

*(What If)*

**Magnus Bane**- I'm going to die now.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><em>Isabelle Lightwood<em>- Text me! What's wrong.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Inbox me.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- About 8 status' on my homepage are from you, please die quickly so you don't have the chance to upload more. You're wasting space.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Ow! You didn't have to come all the way to my room to slap me Clary!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'm dead.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> I'm not a believer in immortality.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Are your ghosts uploading your status then?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- What's happening? Alec?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Don't worry.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- You know Chairman Meow threw up glitter on his vintage sofa, right? We went and brought a nice new white leather one. Chairman Meow got into his makeup cabinet again, and ate his multi-coloured glitter, and puked it up on his white sofa, so yeah.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and 6 other people like this)<em>

**Jackass Jace**- All the suspense, the build-up, the interesting plotline and death of the main protagonist…and the ending…his cat puked rainbows on his sofa. I want my money back.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<br>_

*(What If)*

**Why hello my gorgeous readers! I hope your having a lovely day, it was raining buckets over here in green old England.  
>Now, here are the people who reviewed my last chapter! My, there are so many! :D<br>****Girl59****  
><strong>**Switzygirl  
><strong>**Stargazer96****  
><strong>**LoveTheNight****  
><strong>**TheCatWithBrownEyes****  
><strong>**FreakyWeird****  
><strong>**IssyRedbird****  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel****  
><strong>**4evrJace11****  
><strong>**Malec4ever  
><strong>**lizrocks19****  
><strong>**Nephilim  
><strong>  
><strong>(Ps. I was thinking of going back to previous chapters and changing the format to the one used in this chapter – just to make it easier to read)<strong>

**Also, what do you guys think of this idea?  
>Having slightly longer chapters than what I've got at the moment (Since they're quite small) but also taking ideas that people put forward in reviews. It could be something simple like:<br>"Jace gets a haircut" or "Isabelle does Alec's makeup"  
>But I'd also put reference to the people who came up with the idea. Someone sent me a message saying that they'd like to contribute to the Mortal InstrumentsFacebook story. Just wondering. Tell me if you like it or not.**

**Hope you guys have a good rest of the weekend! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow! So many suggestions that I couldn't do them all XD  
>Here are the people whose suggestions are in the story:<br>****Malec4ever (The Dare suggestion)  
><strong>**LoveTheNight**** (And old friend of Clary's joins facebook and starts hitting on her. Magnus does Alec's makeup. And Jace reads Twilight)  
><strong>**lizrocks19**** (More Malec moments, sure thing) :)  
><strong>**Piano Mirukoto**** (Make Isabelle taste her own cooking)  
><strong>  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Clary Fray** is now friends with **Albert Kingsley**  
><em>(Clary Fray and Albert Kingsley like this)<em>  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Wow! Clary!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Al! I haven't heard from you in ages. I didn't know you were on facebook.  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Heh, just joined. What a coinkidink!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray**- Hey sweetie! :D You free this evening, we could go for a walk and grab an ice-cream.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Sure! Love you xxx  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Love you too!  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- I didn't know you had a boyfriend Clary.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Yep, been going out for a year now :3  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Oh, how sweet…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well, who are you?  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Albert Kingsley?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Never heard of you.  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Well, it's not my full name, which is Albert William Christopher Maximillian Rutherford Kingsley. But I prefer Albert. Only Clary can call me Al.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- So Al?  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- It's Albert!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Okay! Okay! Chill! Don't get your panties in a twist! How do you know Clary?  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Yeah, how do you know our redhead wonder?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- He moved from England to America and went to my old school, I was the one who showed him around and we became best friends. :)  
><em>(Albert Kingsley likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Lame.  
><strong> Albert Kingsley<strong>- Don't call Clary lame! She's far from it.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I was talking about you Mr. Long-Winded-Name-That-Nobody-Can-Remember.  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Do I detect a slither of jealousy in your message.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Oh dear. Quick, we need a diversion.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Who wants pizza?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Me. Mozzarella and tomato please :3  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Chicken supreme.

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Dear little Alexander's in for a shock when he wakes up.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace and Clary Fray like this)<br>_Jackass Jace- What you done?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Black eyeliner, silver glitter, temporary hot pink streak in hair. He's a strangely heavy sleeper.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You've got my number right?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yeah.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Send me a picture please :) Great blackmail material.  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- It's not right to take advantage of someone while they're sleeping.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Then you obviously don't know me Al.  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- It's Albert!

*(What If)*

**Maia**- Is it me, or is there a sense of boredom hovering in the air.  
><em>(Isabelle Ligtwood, Simon Lewis, Jackass Jace and 5 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- She speaks!

**Maia-** She! I have a name.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Down boy! Down!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_**Maia**- Back off Blondie!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- This is the fabulous Magnus Bane interrupting this petty argument was a question. Truth or Dare?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Facebook Truth or Dare ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Count me in.

Clary Fray- I'll start. Jace, truth or dare?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Dare :D  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I dare you to read Twilight. Since you made that nasty 'Maybelline' comment towards Edward.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Ugh, fine. I pick Alec. Truth or Dare?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- …Dare?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hmmm…Let Magnus change your screen name to something overly girly for…3 days.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I regret joining in on this game.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Too late~  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Hey guys :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- GO AWAY.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- NOBODY LIKES YOU  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood and 10 other people like this)<em>

**Clary Fray**- Be nice Jace.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Fine.

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **SugarPlumFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood**- Hey sweetie ;)  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray and 17 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- It takes a real man to have that screen name. _  
>(Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace, Maia and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I must admit, it has a certain…ring…to it XD  
><strong>SugarPlumFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood- <strong>Have I ever told you how much I hate you?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- BishBosh! That's what they all say.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> I love your new name SugarPlum :3  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Of course you would, you made it up.  
><strong>SugarPlumFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood- <strong>):

*(What If)*

**Clary Fray** to **Jackass Jace**- I left a present for you on your bed :)  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Aww! Thank you! :3  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Trust me, you'll love it :)  
><strong>Jace<strong>- I'll open it as soon as I get back home.

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray-** Uh…Thanks for the copy of Twilight…I love it…  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, SugarPlumFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood and 2 other people like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- I said you'd love your present :D  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- XD

*(What If)*  
><strong><br>Albert Kingsley** to **Isabelle Lightwood**- Hi. :)

*(What If)*

**Albert Kingsley** to **Magnus 'sparkles'** **Bane**- Hi. :)

*(What If)*

**Albert Kingsley** to **Jackass Jace**- Hi. :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Why are you even on my friends list?  
><em>(SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Albert Kingsley** to **Clary Fray**- Please don't take this to heart, but I'm going to have to remove you and your friends from my friends list. They are causing too much emotional strain and distress. I also have the feeling that they are ignoring me.  
><em>(SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace and 4 other people like this)<em>**  
>Clary Fray<strong>- Um…Okay.  
><strong>Albert Kingsley<strong>- Bye love of my life~  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>-…Uh…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- When there's something strange, in the neighbourhood. Who you gunna call? Albert Busters!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood and Simon Lewis like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- That was one strange boy, and that's saying something. I've met a fair share of strange boys with long names.

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- "I was sure, though, in the instant our eyes met, that he didn't look harsh or unfriendly as he had the last time I'd seen him. He looked merely curious again, unsatisfied in some way" BLAH!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray and Maia like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Jace…posting sappy quotes! What next! Alec combing his hair! :O :O :O  
><strong>SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood<strong>- I'll ignore that comment. But why are you putting up a lovey-dovey-thingy-magiggy?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It's a quote from Twilight, the dare Clary gave me.  
><strong>SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood<strong>- How can you quote dim or diffused illumination?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- No darling, the book Twilight.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- The book Lucifer created.  
><strong>SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood<strong>- Is that the one with the sparkly thing, and like a police car or something?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You did not just summarize Twilight, TWILIGHT! with "The one with the sparkly thing and a police car or something"  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Come on Magnus, we need shopping to…to…to get away from this nonsense!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yes! Meet you at the shops in 5.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- I just ate some leftovers of goodness knows what from the fridge…Man! It was amazing! Who made it.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Not me, The last thing I made were pancakes three weeks ago.  
><strong>SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood<strong>- The last thing I made was cornflakes with milk this morning.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- The last thing I made was a cup of coffee two week ago, I've been living off takeaways.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wait; The leftovers in the box with the blue lid?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Yes! That's the one :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- That was your chocolate and beef surprise topped with sprinkles that you made two days ago…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I didn't know I was that good of a cook, it was delicious!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Uh…No burning throat?  
><strong>SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood<strong>- No spinning head?

**Jackass Jace**- No double vision?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- No smoke coming out of your nostrils?  
><em>(Clary Fray, SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- No. I honestly don't understand why you guys give me a hard time whenever I cook; the food I make is lovely.

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Wait…You know you said about the smoke coming out of your nostrils, Magnus?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yes?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Was it yellow?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Mine was pink, but it might be due to the fact that I ate a homemade raspberry and beetroot muffin that you made. Why?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Ugh…umm…no reason…  
><em>(SugarPluFairySexyFlowerPower Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray and 3 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*  
><strong>Review replies:<strong>

**Piano Mirukoto** (Thank you, I hope the last status did your suggestion justice, it was a fabulous one!)  
><strong>TheCatWithBrownEyes<strong> (Thank you, and no problem) :)  
><strong>FreakyWeird<strong> (Why thank you, any jibes at Twilight it amusing)  
><strong>MollyGM<strong> (I sometimes want to like them myself XD And thank you)  
><strong>lilianneherondale<strong>(Thank you, though I'm not quite sure what the "Why, What's up" thing is. Though it might be due to the fact it's late and my brains not co-operating with me)  
><strong>Taylor Jade<strong> (That much laughing isn't good for you! *Pats head* But I'm glad that my story is amusing enough to make you laugh. Thank you for the review)  
><strong>Malec4ever<strong> (The name suddenly came to me! I was so pleased, since it does suit little Jacey so well) :P  
><strong>ultra-swimgurl<strong> (*Hands you tissue* I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the review SwimGurl) :D  
><strong>KiraSabino<strong> (Why thank you fellow Fanfictioner!)  
><strong>LoveTheNight<strong>(I hope you found Albert William Christopher Maximillian Rutherford Kingsley a good contribution to this chapter. Thank you so very much for the spiffingly fantastic idea's!) :D :D :D :D :D  
><strong>lizrocks19<strong>(I'm thinking of going all out on the Malec next chapter, since this one seems to be filled with Clace. I hope you like that idea) XD  
><strong>EvanescenceAngel<strong> (Thank you!) :D :D

**Remember the drill guys, and since the majority of you lot liked the whole "Add Ideas for a longer chapter" idea, it'll continue on for the forseable future, don't be scared to add contributions, I don't bite :)  
>Love you guys!,<br>****Josephine.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Prepare yourself for possibly, the most epic and random chapter of this story, the idea's you guys are giving in are so amazingly random! I love them!  
><strong>**Malec4ever (Idea for the diary)  
><strong>**Switzygirl**** (Edward Cullen. Enough said) XD  
><strong>**Malec4ever (Definitely putting your idea up in the future chapters) XD  
><strong>**FreakyWeird**** (Church and Chairman. No problem :D)  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel**** (The Alec and Magnus video)  
><strong>**LoveTheNight**** (Isabelle starting her own restaurant idea)**  
><strong><br>***(What If)*****

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Tummy Turner :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- ?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> It's the name of my new restaurant :D  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- It'll certainly be turning tummies...  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Why? Just, Why! Think of all those poor innocent people walking into that restaurant. It'll be like the apocalypse, the rapture! Hundreds upon hundreds of people getting…Isabelleitus! The hospitals overcrowded with people whose stomachs are turning blue and expanding. Their mouths shriveled and orange; and all they do is groan and roll around on the floor.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- You have a shockingly vivid imagination.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Don't you get it Alec! Isabelle, cooking, restaurants, teaching chefs to cook just like her!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh God!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- God won't be able to help you; you'll be dead before you're 21. You do know she'll want to test her menu on us, right?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- What do we do!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Quick, chop of her hands. It'll stop her from cooking.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- You are not chopping off my hands boys!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Quick, hide. We've angered the Banshee!

_(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)  
><em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood** posted a new video- Sexy Time With Sparkles And Sweaters  
>*(Image Malec make out session)*<br>_(Clary Fray, Maia, Isabelle Lightwood and 1 other person likes this)  
><em>**Maia-** *Rapes replay button*  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I don't know what I'm more worried about; the fact I can move my eyes away from my computer screen, or the fact that it's all girls that have liked this…this…porno.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Sorry Jace, but you're witnessing the part before the good stuff happens ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- ARG! THIS IS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS *Does Alec actually know you filmed this?*  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- What? Me filming him and Magnus making out; No, not really. They left the front door open and I couldn't pass the opportunity.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I just showed him the video. He's coughed up strawberry and banana smoothie down his front. His eyes have widened, and…yep, he's fainted.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Really?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- No, he levitated into the air and blew up into strips of yellow confetti.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Maia like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Of course he fainted! Fell off the kitchen stall. Luckily Chairman Meow cushioned his fall.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Simon Lewis likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Jace has dyed his hair brown, he looks like Justin Bieber.  
><em>(Maia, Alexander Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Jace! Why did you do that!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hey! I'm not Justin Bieber. I'm Edward Cullen.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Uh…you okay?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I thought you hated Twilight.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- That was yesterday. I'm now Edward Cullen, I was born on the 20th of June 1901. And I'm a vampire, I also glitter more than Magnus when he's had a glitter-fest.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- There is something vitally wrong with that comment! I mean, more glittery more than me! Ridiculous!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Jace has just said he's a vampire, that he's now Edward, and glitters in the sun. And all you're worried about is the fact that he claimed that he gliters more than you.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Edward Cullen, I challenge you to a glitter off!  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Ooh! Bring it on old man!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh no you didn't!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh yes I did!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I sparkle more than you. Hey! I even have the word sparkle in my name!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh shush! I sparkle so much that even the pots of glitter at the cosmetic counters have to wear sunglasses!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- That makes no sense!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Is my sparkle too much for you to handle!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I thought you said you were Edward, Jace. Not a hormonal teenage girl having a bitch fit with one of her groupies.

*(What If)*

**Chairman Meow**- Fish.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Jackass Jace, Church and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- O_O  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- O_O  
><strong>Church<strong>- Tuna :)  
><em>(Chairman Meow likes this)<em>  
><strong>Chairman Meow<strong>- Cod :)  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Uh…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Must be Magnus fooling with us.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Um…yeah…  
><strong>Chairman Meow<strong>- Fish Tuna Cod Mackerel Milk Magnus Salmon.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Magnus, we know it's you. Cats can't even type! Can't fool us!  
><strong>Chairman Meow<strong>- MILK WATER COD MICE!  
><em>(Church likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Chairman Meow** is in a relationship with **Church  
><strong>(_Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)  
><em>**Chairman Meow**- :3  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Aww! When did this happen?  
><strong>Chairman Meow<strong>- Cod Eel Haddock.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Really! He took you on a date?  
><strong>Chairman Meow<strong>- Sardines Tuna.  
><em>(Church likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Aww! :)

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'Sparkles' Bane**- Dear Diary. One of my fish, Harold just died, and then Isabelle flushed him down the toilet. I think my other fish, Haroldina, is upset. She looks sad, I fed her some food to make her feel better, but she keeps crying, Anyway. I drew a picture of Harold, coloured it in then cut it out, and then I put it in the fish tank as a replacement for Haroldina, but it turned the water a funny colour, I had to put Haroldina in my glass of water to save her, and then I poured the water from the fish tank out my window. Alexander Lightwood, age 7.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis and 7 other people like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Where did you find my diary!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Harold and Haroldina, really?  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I was six ):  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I found it at the back of my closet, what it was doing there. I'm not sure.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I'm coming round to pick it up.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I've hidden it, seriously, I'm keeping it to read when I'm feeling down. I've got to the page where you're blabbering about why Church ate your toast.  
><em>(Church likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I remember Harold! He died when Alec tried to hug him.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You, Alexander. Are just so adorable.

*(What If)*

Jackass Jace likes the pages **Edward Cullen**, **Twilight**, **Edward Cullen is amazing**, **Edward Cullen's sparkly skin, Brown Hair**, **Edward&Bella 4 Ever!** And 9 other pages.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- We get it Jace, you like Twilight, can you dye your hair back to gold now?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like his)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- My name isn't Jace; it's Edward.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You can't be Edward, he's described as charming, polite and determined.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- We never finished our Glitter-Off. Bane.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- *Facepalm*

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Dear Diary. I thought I saw an alien when I opened my bedroom door this morning. But it was just Isabelle – she hadn't combed her hair and she looked kinda like Medusa. Anyway, she smacked me round the face when I told her that birds might start nesting on her head. Alexander Lightwood, aged 7 and 2 months.  
><em>(Simon Lewis, Jackass Jace and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Simon Lewis**- XD  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Stop it! It' embarrassing. D:  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You should see her when she hasn't combed her hair, AND she has one of those mud face masks on. She looks like the bog monster.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Simon Lewis and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Shut up Edward!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- My names Jace.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- What happened to Twilight?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What are you talking about, I hate Twilight ;)

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Ugh! You are so difficult!  
>(jackass Jace likes this)<br>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- Lets lighten the mood with another diary entry :)  
><em>(Clary Fray, jackass Jace, Simon Lewis and 10 other people like this)<em>

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Dear Diary. Why can't they call lemons, yellows? It would be so much easier. I mean, oranges are called oranges because of their orange colour. I told mum this; and she just said "You are a silly boy, and if they called lemons, yellows. What would they call banana's?" I think they should call Banana's 'Long yellow things with brown patches'. Alexander Lightwood. Age 7 and ¾  
><em>(Simon Lewis, Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace and 3 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)* 

**Simon Lewis**- Has anyone else found that the status' on facebook at the moment are bizarre!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Chairman Meow**- Fish!  
><em>(Church likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I know Chairman, I love Alexander's diary entry's too :)  
><strong>Chairman Meow<strong>- Tuna Milk Cat  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yes, I'll keep it hidden away from him.  
><em>(Chairman Meow and Church like this)<br>_**Simon Lewis**-Erm…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Cat got your tongue? ;)  
><em>(Chairman Meow and Church like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Well, I warned you. Random and strange chapter.  
>Here's the people who reviewed (And review replied for people without accounts)<br>****Malec4ever **(Mwahahahaha! Used your diary idea. I'm glad you liked the last chapter and I hope I did your idea justice. It's a great suggestion)**  
>Lizrocks19 <strong>(More Malec? Okay, this chapter is just brimming with it)**  
><strong>**lilianneherondale****  
><strong>**shortstuff8xoxo****  
><strong>**Kitty1982**(Using that idea in the future for sure) :D**  
><strong>**Switzygirl****  
>Sugarplum<br>****FreakyWeird**

**EvanescenceAngel****  
><strong>**LoveTheNight******

**Remember guys, I don't care how far-fetched the suggestions are, I'll try and turn them into something XD  
>And remember, if you don't have a suggestions, don't feel that you can't drop a review, I love you guys, I love your reviews, and I love the fact you enjoy this story. And that's what's making me type faster. :D :D :D :D<strong>

**Cheerio,  
>Josephine.<br>(Ps. Nice longer chapter) :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**(For some unknown reason, this chapter has become Simon and Alec central. But don't worry, it still has all the other characters)  
><strong>**People I need to credit for ideas:  
><strong>**Igor Lollipop****  
><strong>**danielle-redfern****  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel  
><strong>**LoveTheNight**

*(What If)*  
><strong><br>Jackass Jace**- Has gone blonde again.  
><strong>(Clary Fray, Simon Lewis, Maia and 7 other people like this)<strong>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Finally! It was like making out with Justin Bieber.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> I wouldn't be complaining.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Of course you wouldn't Iz ;)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- What's that meant to mean?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Nothing darling, nothing.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Oh...Okay :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hello! We've strayed from 'I'm blonde again' to 'I love you so much Simeypoo!'  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- That it possibly the nastiest and yuckiest nick-name that has ever been created.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I'm sorry that people care more about our relationship than the colour of your hair.  
><strong>Church-<strong> Fish.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Huh?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- He said that no matter what hair colour Jace's got, he still looks like he's been hit by the ugly stick...  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Church likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Hey! I'm amazing! My hair is GOLD!  
><strong>Clary Fray-<strong> You're not ugly!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Thank you.  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- But it's Clary's job to be nice to you, she's your girlfriend.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Shut up Simeypoo.

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Dear Diary, I cut my curtains up to make a cape today, and I tied it around my neck. I think I'm going to be better than Superman when I'm older, I mean. I'm sure I'm getting a six-pack. My stomachs all hard an...oh God! What if I'm pregnant! Arn't the stomach's meant to get all whale-like and hard when there's a baby inside? Don't worry! I just asked Izzy and she said that only girl's get pregnant, and if you want a baby you have to go to the shops and buy one. She reckons I'm fat, but I don't agree with her. I'm eating more for food reserves in case there's an apocatable…apicaslips…appi…apocalypse, that's what it's called. Alexander Lightwood. Age 7 and a 1/2  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace, Simon Lewis and 17 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Oh darling~  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Please! Delete this status!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Never! :D  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Wait, here's another one!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Dear Diary- I hid a hairy slug in Izzy's food tonight, I think they're called caterpillars. Which is strange because they don't look like cats. Nor do they have pillars with them. Anyway, she ate it. Alexander Lightwood- Age 7 and 9 months.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Alexander Lightwood! You are gross!  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Well done man! I didn't know you had it in you.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hey Mag's, why don't you create a page you can like for all these diary entries?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- That, you man, is possibly the best idea you've had in your puny, non-existent shadowhunter life.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Err, thanks…I think.  
><em><br>_*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I have just read Blondies status, and I remembered that I needed to post this message up: "Dear people of the world. Stop calling Justin Bieber gay, we don't want him either. Sincerely, homosexuals"  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Amen.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Are you out of your mind Maggie! Bieber is a sex bomb.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I was questioning your taste when you hooked up with vampy, but Justin Bieber, really? That's a whole new level of lame.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ooh! Take that!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Whose Vampy?  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Oh.  
><strong>Simon Lewis<strong>- Hey! I'm not lame.

*(What If)* Raphael- **Tengo hambre ):  
><strong>_**(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)**_**  
><strong>Jackass Jace**- Huh? What did you say?  
><strong>Simon Lewis**- I think he said he has a cavity.  
><strong>_**(Jackass Jace likes this)  
><strong>_Raphael**- Your **español is rather appalling, **Simón** Raphael- You're a disgrace.  
>Simon Lewis- Hang on! Let me have a go. Okay…you said you need a haircut.<br>Raphael- No.  
>Simon Lewis- Umm…You…need…new trainers?<br>Raphael- Nada  
>Simon Lewis- You think I'm hot.<br>Raphael- That will never happen.  
>Simon Lewis- You have a sudden urge for a cheeseburger.<br>Raphael- I'm a vampire.  
>Simon Lewis- I got it! You just found out you sparkle in the sun!<br>Raphael- **Eres un idiota.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- He said he's hungry, Simeypoo.  
><strong>_**(Raphael likes this)  
><strong>_Simon Lewis**- I was getting there! And stop calling me that!**

*(What If)*

**Simeypoo- **Whoever did this, it isn't funny.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace, Clary Fray and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Simeypoo**- My account keeps getting hacked ):  
><em>(Clary Fray, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Alexander Lightwood and 2 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Not me.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Not me.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Not me.  
>Raphael- No me.<br>**Chairman Meow**- Cod Milk.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Not me.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Not me.  
><strong>Church-<strong> Fish.  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- I wear lacy underwear.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Alexander Lightwood and 2 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- For some odd, unexplainable reason. That doesn't surprise me.  
><strong>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>Jackass Jace**- XD  
><strong>Simeypoo-<strong> Ugh! Whoever it is, stop it!

*(What If)*

**Simeypoo **to **Alexander Lightwood**- You have a great ass. I'd totally tap that.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Chairman Meow and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Watch it Simeypoo, that's my boyfriend you're talking about. Do you want me to go all jujitsu on you?  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Simeypoo-** Ugh! Honestly guys! That wasn't me!  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- I really don't spend half my day staring at your very attractive behind, and the other half of the day mentally undressing you.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<em>  
><strong>Simpeypoo<strong>- ARG! STOP THIS!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- :'(  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Look what you've done now Simeypoo, you've made him put the crying face! I'm going to come over to your house right now, chop of all your fingers and toes, and feed them Raphael.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Alexander Lightwood, Jackass Jace and 4 other people like this)<br>_**Raphael**- :'(  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Look! Is it your personal mission to upset everyone, Raphael's crying now.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- :'(  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- :'(  
><strong>Maia<strong>- :'(  
><strong>Church-<strong> :'(  
><strong>Chairman Meow<strong>- :'(  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- :'(  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Now you're just taking the mick.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Maia and 6 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jace**, **Clary Fray**, **Isabelle Lightwood** and 11 other people like the page **Baby-Alec tales.**

*(What If)*

**Baby-Alec tales**- Dear Diary. I don't think I'm superman, I jumped off my bed and landed on a chair, it really hurt and my side turned a strange blue colour, I called it Bella the Bruise, I drew a little face on it and everything. On a side note, a seagull pooped on Isabelle today, it was funny. Alexander Lightwood- Age 8.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simeypoo, Clary Fray and 5 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Heya guys, I hoped you enjoyed that lovely…err…random chapter. And I love the suggestions you guys keep sending in are amazing XD I keep laughing at every review.  
>Unfortunately, I'll be going into hospital to have an operation tomorrow, at the seven in the morning. To have a wire cage fitted around my lower arm to correct a deformity I have in my wrist. And I'll be in hospital for five days. I'm terribly nervous, since I hate hospitals. D:<br>I wont be able to write or hold a pencil for a month after, but I will be able to type, and I'll try to upload a chapter by the end of next week. But I apologize in advance if the chapters aren't updated as quickly as before, since I'll be only typing with my left (non-dominant) hand.**

**Keep sending in reviews and suggestions please, It'll lift my mood considerably, and I love you guys for all the lovely reviews, here they are:  
><strong>**Willjace herondale (I'm going to use your idea for future use, since it fits in for what I have planned for future chapters)  
><strong>**Pyreflies Painter****  
><strong>**Igor Lollipop****  
><strong>**Piano Mirukoto****  
><strong>**Sloany****  
><strong>**danielle-redfern****  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel  
><strong>**LoveTheNight****  
><strong>**IssyRedbird****  
><strong>**Lol  
><strong>**FreakyWeird****  
><strong>**rockyrocks919  
>Lizrocks19<br>****mbrattoo****  
><strong>**Taylor Jade****  
>Malec4ever<br>****Taste the Rainbow- Or Else****  
><strong>**RosalieAshlyn****  
><strong>**funkyhats** **(Pirate setting! Of course! What a great idea, I'll use that in the next chapter)**  
><strong>(Ps. Since you loved Alec's diary entries, at least one entry will be present in each chapter) :D<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Yo biatch! My restaurant is da bomb. Yours looks so dark and dingy, I'm surprised your customers aren't hanging themselves in the toilet. And by the way, you need a janitor, there's banana skins all over the floor.  
><em>(Chairman Meow likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Hey! I'll have you know that I'm on level 25!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Hah! I'm on level 26!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Cheater ):  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Nu-huh!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Uh-Huh!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Nu-Huh! You can't cheat on Restaurant City! Admit it, they love my food!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- There's so many colours in your restaurant, it looks like a clown ate too much cake and threw it up everywhere!  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simeypoo and Isabelle lightwood like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- That's it! I'm not talking to you!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- …<br>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- …  
>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- …<br>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- …  
>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- …<br>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-** …Fancy a drink?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Ooh! Yes please, hot chocolate? :)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Kay.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- After experiencing those nasty colds for the second time in a month, I'm taking the following saying into consideration: And apple a day keeps the doctor away :)  
><strong>(Clary Fray, Alexander lightwood, Church and 1 other person likes this)<strong>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- But if the doctor's cute then screw the fruit :)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well that depends, if the doctor has certain parts added around the crotch area – then I think I'd have to decline that offer. However, if it was Clary in that nurses uniform**…  
>Raphael<strong>- You're such a perv, idiota.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Ooh! You just got told! By Raphael!  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- That previous comment just highlights why I love you :)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Aww! I love you too!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Why do you guys ruin my status' with lovey dovey crap.  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- I love your eyes darling! They sparkle all the time, and your skin is just so soft – I want to hug you, comb my fingers through your luscious hair!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Oh Simon! I love YOUR eyes! Such a deep, stunning shade of hazel. And your muscular arms make me swoon! (Ps. Join in Magnus) ;)  
><strong>Jacass Jace<strong>- Ugh! Stop it guys!  
><em>(Simeypoo and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Words can't describe the way I feel for you, I could get lost in those gorgeous blue eyes! And even your holey sweaters make the passion within me bubble! I'd do anything, anything, to stay with you, my love, forever!  
>(Alexander Lightwood, Simeypoo and Isabelle Lightwood likes this likes this)<br>**Jackass Jace**- GUYS!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Ugh, thanks? I love the way you sparkle in the sun, and the way you snuggle against me! Sweetheart, Edward has nothing on you! I could stare into your eyes for hours, the swirls of amber and green!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- …-_-  
>(Isabelle Lightwood, Simeypoo, Alexander Lightwood and 2 other people like this)<p>

*(What If)*

**Clary Fray-** I have a sudden impulse to draw :D  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simeypoo, Alexander Lightwood and 2 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Maia- <strong>Draw me! :)**  
>Simeypoo-<strong> And me! :)**  
>Jackass Jace- <strong>Me too! :)**  
>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Count me in! :)**  
>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- <strong>Don't forget me darling! :)**  
>Raphael- <strong>Hola, count me in! :)**  
>Jackass Jace- <strong>Hahah! Count! Good one Raphael!**  
>Raphael- <strong>What are you talking about?**  
>Jackass Jace- <strong>You said count, you know, in the post. Like Count Dracula, and you're a vampire…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- If you have to explain a joke; it's lame.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Down boys! Down!...So, you guys want me to draw all of you?  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Yes please :)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Oh! Me too! :D  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Can I be lying shirtless on a Lamborghini?  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Can I be setting the said Lamborghini on fire with a lighter?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Ugh…sure?  
><em>(Simeypoo and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It better be a red Lamborghini :)  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Scarp the lighter, can I have a flamethrower and a handgun, they're totally da bomb :)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Can I be snogging Alexander Lightwood senseless in the corner?  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Snogging? What is this? The 90's in England?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Says the boy who describes flamethrowers and handguns as 'Da Bomb'  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Church** and 8 other people joined the event **Harass A Jace Today.  
><strong>  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace** to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Did you Tie-Dye all my white socks? Because I'm going on a date with Clary in a hour, and look I was going for certainly wasn't 'Formal Hippe'…I hate you annoying child.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Simeypoo and Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Hey! I'm not an annoying child. Anyway, I'm taller than you! :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What! How tall are you? I'm 5'8  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- 6'2 :D SO HAH!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Damn, how did I not notice?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Because your ego's so big that everyone looks puny to you?  
><em>(Simeypoo likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Better have a big ego than none at all ;)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I have an ego! I'm egolicious baby! You however, have too much of an ego.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Are you guys serious arguing about who has a bigger ego? -_-  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Jace's ego is so big that it got reclassified as a planet.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Simeypoo like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Jace's ego is so big, that if he stepped in the ocean, the Himalayas would be at sea level.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Raphael**- Jace's ego is so big, I was watching a 24 hour TV program and when his ego walked in front of the TV. I missed the whole thing.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Maia like this)<em>  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Jace's ego is so big, that when he goes in the cinema, it sits by everyone.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Jace's ego is so big, that if it tripped and fell. It would knock the earth into the sun.  
>(<em>Alexander Lightwood, Clary Fray, Simeypoo and 6 other people like this)<br>_

*(What If)*

**Simeypoo**- I just realized that no one's hacked my account :D  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Church and 7 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Simeypoo** is in a relationship with **Alexander Lightwood.  
><strong>_(Church likes this)_  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Spoke too soon XD  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Lol, when did this happen? I didn't know you wanted to taste the rainbow…  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Klainebows!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- ^Dislike.  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Honestly guys! Who's hacking me!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Stop covering up your feelings for blue-eyes with 'Oh-ho! Whose hacking me!' I mean, who wouldn't want a piece of that man-meat?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Man meat? Like rump steak? Or ribs?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh Alec you sexy little thing! :)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I'm 5'9. I'm not very little…

**Simeypoo**- Maggie's right, Alec. You a very SEXAH!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- I'm curious, who's hacking me?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Not me.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- ^ Obviously. Not me either.  
><strong>Isabelle lightwood<strong>- Me neither.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Not me.  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- Not me.  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- I wonder who's hacking me…

*(What If)*

**Baby-Alec tales**- Dear Diary, Mummy said that we're having a boy live with us for a while. Jace, she said his name was. Mum said that I even had to share my Choo Choo Train set with him! But I'm hiding my trains away in the back of my closet with my bow and arrows. Anyway, I tried to shave off Isabelle's eyebrows with dad's razor, because she made fun of my eyebrows. Telling me 'It looks like two big, hairy caterpillars have slid above your eyes and are trying to eat your face' She woke up when I was starting to shave the left eyebrow, and screamed. But I jogged and shaved part of her hair off too. I ran away quickly and hid under my bed for an hour. It was hilarious! Tomorrow night I'm going to shave off the other eyebrow. Alexander Lightwood. Age 8.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Jackass Jace, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 5 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh Awec! I pwomise I wont steal your Choo Choo Twains!  
>(Clary Fray, Isabelle lightwood and Simeypoo like this)<br>**Alexander Lightwood**- Ugh…thanks? That's good to hear…  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I hate you Alec.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Aww! Don't be mean to Awec! He wasn't thinking straight! He was so worried that Blondie here was going to steal his Choo Choo Twain!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Magnus! Stop embarrassing me!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Sworry Lwitte Awec!  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simeypoo, Raphael and 10 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Hey guys! I came out of surgery last Wednesday, and I'm feeling great! I have a Lizerov frame on my arm (Feel free to google) Which makes it hard to type. But I managed to type this up for you guys. Thank you for all the lovely messages! :D :D**

**Anyway, drop suggestions please! :D please send in those ridiculously amazing 'What If's'  
>But also, also say about you think is hacking Simon's account XD XD XD<strong>

**People I need to thank for reviews:  
><strong>**Willjace herondale  
><strong>**DrVamp****  
><strong>**Jkilmer****  
><strong>**DayMoon89****  
><strong>**thatninjachick****  
><strong>**lowshie****  
><strong>**IamAnAsshat****  
><strong>**lizrocks19  
><strong>**Pyreflies Painter****  
>WhoIsThisWriter<br>****Taylor Jade****  
><strong>**SushiSasha244****  
>Malec4ever<br>Lol  
><strong>**TheCatWithBrownEyes****  
>PJOfan45<br>****EvanescenceAngel****  
><strong>**Howls-Princess-loves-EdwardRoy****  
><strong>**mbrattoo****  
><strong>**IssyRedbird**


	10. Chapter 10

**Simeypoo**- My father was a drinker. One night he went a little crazier than usual so my mummy got the teapot to defend herself. He didn't like that, so he pours boiling hot tea all over her. Then, he comes at me with the teapot and he asks, "Why... so... BRITISH?"  
><em>(Maia likes this)<em>  
><strong>Maia<strong>- LOL! I remember watching that when I was a little kiddie. Many moons ago!  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Brings back memories, eh?  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Between Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon, I have to choose YGO anyday. Mainly because of the abridged version.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- This statment confuses me. Your father wasn't a drinker, and you don't drink tea. Finally, you're not from the UK.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- It's called a QUOTE. Q.U.O.T.E. Originally said by Yami Bakura in Yu-Gi-Oh adbriged.  
><em>(Maia likes this)<em>  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Yeah! Suck on that Jacey!  
><em>(Simeypoo likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- You guys are such nerds…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Clary Fray, Church and 9 others like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'm so happy! :D  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Aren't you always?  
>(Simeypoo, Clary Fray, Chairman Meow and 5 other people like this)<br>**Jackass Jace**- On second thought. It depends on what you mean by 'Happy'. Do you mean: I'm so happy gay, gay. Or I'm love snogging boys gay?. Or, does it mean that you've encountered something amazingly fantastic, that if you slit your wrist. You'd bleed glitter and lollypops and skittles and rainbows and unicorns?  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Just shamelessly trolling, are you? Blondie?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- …It's a shame there isn't an exam in trolling. You'd ace it. Do you ramble often?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Yes, he does. Just nod, say "Oh" "Really?" or "Yes" often. And at the end say "I agree with you completely". That's how I deal with it anyway.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- Church just ate a spider.  
><em>(Church likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Ew ):  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- ^Ditto.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It was a really big, fat and hairy one too. Fell down from Izzy's ceiling.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Okay, firstly! It was in my room! EW! And secondly, Why on earth were you in my room?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Yeah, it was. Fell from your ceiling onto your bed, then Church ate it. And I needed one of those wet paper thingies to wipe the mud off my face.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Wet-Wipe. Hey, swap rooms with me tonight; I'm not sleeping in that…that…Icky Spider Room! D:  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I dislike spiders ):  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Back of Biatch! I ain't sleeping in your icky girl room filled with icky girly germs and stuff.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Please!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I'll make it up to you by making pancakes tomorrow :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- ARG! DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH YOUR PANCAKES OF DOOM! Oh, sorry…I meant…I'm…uhh…visiting Luke tomorrow, so I won't be able to have breakfast.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Oh, okay… Clary, Alec? Do you want homemade breakfast tomorrow?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I'm going with Jace tomorrow :)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Uh…I've got a date with Magnus tomorrow.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- We're not going on a date tomorrow.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>-…-_-  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ohhhh…You mean THAT date… I'm such a silly sausage for forgetting ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- ;)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Fine! Miss out on my lovely squid and gravy pancakes tomorrow! I'll just bring them over to you, Simey! :D  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Squid and gravy! *Gags*  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Simeypoo**- Sorry, I'm busy tomorrow.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Doing what? You better not be cheating on me!  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Oh no! I wouldn't dare do that. I'mmmm…uhhh…I've got a dentist appointment…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- ^How, preciously, is that going to work, vampy?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- ):  
><strong>Maia<strong>- How have you guys gotten from "Church's eaten a spider" to "Squid and Gravy pancakes" and lastly to "I've got a dentist appointment"?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Clary Fray like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace **to **Alexander Lightwood**- If you were gay! It would be okay! Cos I would like you anyway! If it were me! I'd feel so free! To say "I'm gay"! But I'm not gay!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Simeypoo, Clary Fray and 8 other people like this)<br>_**Simeypoo**- Well done Jacey! Do you want a gold star for finding out the obvious?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Hey!  
><strong>Simeypoo<strong>- Well you ARE gay, aren't you?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Yeah.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Did I sense hesitation in your answer, young lad! Well, call me Cindy and slap me silly! I think our dear little Alexander is straight.  
><em>(Simeypoo likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- How is that even possible with such a gorgeous piece of arm candy as a boyfriend.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace, Simeypoo, Isabelle Lightwood** and 17 others now be usin' Ye Olde Facebook **in English (Pirate)**

*(What If)*

**Cap'n Jackass Jace**- Arrrrr! Me Matties! Ahoy! Who stole my treasure, Aye!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray and 5 other scallywags find this pleasin' to the eye)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Hey! Lets change our names for the rest of the day, so we're Captain (Insert Name here)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Good idea!  
><strong>Captain Fashion<strong>- Ta-Da! Done :)  
><strong>Captain Awesome<strong>- Me too XD  
><strong>Captain Closet<strong>- Who did this!  
><em>(Captain Fashion and Captain Awesome find this pleasin' to the eye)<br>_**Captain Sparkle**- I couldn't help myself, sorry…  
><em>(Captain Awesome finds this pleasin' to the eye)<em>  
><strong>Captain Rat<strong>- Now this is just taking the mickey…! Who changed my name!  
><strong>Captain Fashion<strong>- Aww! Poor Simey!  
><strong>Captain Gingersnap<strong>- At least you haven't got mine.  
><strong>Captain Rat<strong>- Ah, did Jace choose yours Clary?  
><strong>Captain Gingersnap<strong>- You bet -_- 

*(What If)*

**Captain Closet** is **Engaged** to **Captain Sparkles.  
><strong>_(Captain Gingersnap, Captain Fashion, Captain Rat and 24 other scallywags find this pleasin' to the eye)_  
><strong>Captain Gingersnap<strong>- AWWWWW! I wanna see the ring! Who asked who?  
><em>(Captain Fashion finds this pleasin' to the eye)<br>_**Captain Fashion**- I KNOW RIGHT, WHO ASKED WHO! Oi! Mag's! Text me babe!  
><strong>Captain Rat<strong>- Wow, girls and relationships are a scary mixture. On a side note, congratulations!  
><em>(Captain Awesome likes this)<em>  
><strong>Captain Sparkles<strong>- I asked him, durrr! Yep, Clary, Iz. I'm texting you a picture of the ring as we speak.  
><strong>Captain Awesome<strong>- You should totally have a pirate themed wedding.  
><strong>Captain Sparkles<strong>- I already have it planned out! We're (Me and Blue Eyes) going to be riding unicorns towards the church, that have 'Just Married' shaved on their sides. The church is going to be yellow with lime green Polka dots with Tinsel around the windows. Inside, the pews are orange, and everyone's got to be wearing fancy dress. After all that, there's going to be some inside fireworks, and confetti falling from the ceilings. Then, an elephant's going to walk to the front, with the rings hanging from a Diamond and Silver necklace. After giving the rings to each other, 7 unicorns will walk into the church (Each painted a colour from the rainbow) which will start Tap-Dancing in time with the music. The finale will be a 10 tier red velvet wedding cake (that appears in the centre of the church after a smoke-glitter bomb goes off) with MALEC iced in gigantic, neon blue lettering.  
><em>(Captain Gingersnap, Captain Rat, Captain Fashion finds this pleasin' to the eye)<br>_**Captain Awesome**- Well that sounds rather boring… ;)  
><strong>Captain Sparkles<strong>- Really! Do you think I should spice it up a bit by having pink terrordactyl's transport Alec and I into the church, instead of the unicorns?  
><strong>Captain Awesome<strong>- I was joking Maggie. It sounds…err…amazing…  
><strong>Captain Sparkles<strong>- Thanks! :D I need to start planning the wedding outfits now.

*(Bonus!)*

**Simply because of the amount of reviews, the fact its chapter 10, and I feel like writing. I've added a little present for my lovely readers. I love you guys:**

The tiny white cat tilted it's head, confusion showing clearly in wide, bright eyes.  
>"I know Chairman! I know!" Magnus cried, he wanted to rip his hair out in frustration; he was having last-minute nerves; His mind conjuring up horrible reasons for why his beloved boyfriend of two years might say no.<br>His cat-like eyes flickered up to the clock, staring in horror at the fact it was 8:55. Alec was due here in roughly 5 minutes; meaning. He had 5 minutes to calm himself and re-apply his smudged makeup, which had (As much as he hated to admit it) smudged due to him sweating with nerves.  
>Grabbing the black eyeliner pen, he positioned himself in front of his grand mirror. Chairman Meow, who was perched on the arm of his lovely Chesterfield arm chair, meow loudly as the doorbell rang.<br>Magnus finished off the flick at the corners of his eyes, grabbed the small blue velvet box from the coffee table and clasped it tightly in his hand while taking, deep calming breaths.

"Should I do it quickly and get it over and done with?" Magnus whispered, Chairman Meow seemed to pause in thought before flicking his tail and meowing happily. Magnus nodded and strode over to the door, turned the handle, and flung it open.  
>Alec, his lovely boyfriend, stood on the other side, looking tired, his black leather clothing covered in a mixture of mud, blood and various other yucky stuff that made Magnus cringe.<br>"Alec" Magnus started, but was cut off when Alec stripped himself of his jacket, and hugged him, hard. Alexander sighed into the crook of his neck "I barely escaped Izzy's cooking" He murmured.

Magnus chuckled, pressing a kiss to the others forehead "Can't have you dieing now. I need you for something"  
>Alec's brow creased adorably with thought as he pulled away slightly "You should of phoned if you needed help, what's wrong?<br>Magnus stepped back, his hands clamming up, with a calming breath his started his speech "I've been with hundreds of people, Alexander"  
>Alec frowned slightly, it was clear he didn't want to be reminded.<br>"But…I love you more than all those people put together, despite your nasty sweaters, and lack of a haircut. You are incredibly attractive…and…I love you"

"I love you too" Alec said, smiling slightly.  
>"That's why…" Magnus flicked open the box with a dramatic sweep of his hand, and knelt on the plush carpet of his living room floor "…I need to ask you this. Alexander Lightwood, will you marry me?"<p>

Alec felt his eyes fog up with tears, and he bit lightly onto his lower lip to prevent himself from crying, somehow, he managed to choke out "R…Really?"  
>His bottle blue eyes swept over the beautiful ring, with was simple, with a clear 'Magnus' touch. The simple silver band had two stones set in it, one of them tiger-stone, and the other Imitation-Lapis. They matched their eyes. It was so unbelievably cheesy, yet so romantic at the same time.<p>

"Yes really"

**Alec flung himself at Magnus, knocking him backwards. The sudden noise startled Chairman Meow who screeched in fright, and leapt out the room, no doubt to hide under their bed. "Yes!" He cried, unable to prevent the look of pure joy from appearing on his face as the tan warlock slipped the ring onto his finger, it was a perfect fit.**

***(What If)***

**I hope you liked that chapter guys! And thank you very much for all the suggestions and lovely reviews! Remember, suggestions and reviews keeps that strange, weird brain of mine conjuring up random status'**

**People I need to thank for reviews:  
><strong>**Joemon8****  
>maddy<br>Dr Vamp  
>Taylor Jade<br>Girl59  
>JKilmer<br>Malec4Ever  
>Willjace Herondale<br>2lazy2signin ****-Loving the name XD  
><strong>**Fabulosgal****  
><strong>**lizrocks19****  
>Forced-To-Grow-Up<br>****Pyreflies Painter****  
><strong>**Igor Lollipop****  
><strong>**Taste the Rainbow- Or Else****  
><strong>**Wingz-and-a-Fez**** 10's married! Drats! But I agree with you, 11's hot :)****  
><strong>**XxHushHushxX****  
><strong>**.hope****  
><strong>**LoveTheNight****  
><strong>**lowshie****  
><strong>**EvanescenceAngel****  
>Lol<br>DayMoon89**


	11. Chapter 11

**Jackass Jace** to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'm going to get you back for mixing body glitter with my shower gel.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Don't mess with me, Herondale, I'm wearing my evil panties today! ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Ew! Ew! Go away bad mental image! Stop making my stomach churn like the way Isabelle's Ice-Cream suprise does!  
><strong>Magnus<strong> **'sparkles' Bane**- I could kill you in seconds for saying that, so go away!  
><strong>Jackass<strong> **Jace**- What are you going to do, sparkle me to death? Blind me with your glitter? Summon your pet unicorns to stampede me while I sleep?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yep, Yep! Keep coming up with the idea's, I'm writing them down.

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Ugh! There's some fat, hairy, ugly fly that keeps coming in my room.  
>Simon- That's no way to talk about your adoptive brother, Izzy!<br>(_Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 1 other person likes this)  
><em>**Jackass Jace**- ...-_-  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I just threw a stiletto at it.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You need something larger and heavier to squash that fly's ego.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Simon**- B...But! That's impossible!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Just caught Alec flexing his biceps in the bathroom mirror. Like the hunk he is ;)  
><em>(Clary Fray, Simon, Maia and Raphael like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Not that I mind.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Maia**- Raphael, why did you like this status?  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- I clicked 'Like' by mistake, amiga.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Sure…Sure…

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'm sparkly :)  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Thanks for the information, Captain Obvious.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- No problem, Sergeant Sarcasm.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

_**(Hidden from Simon Lewis)  
><strong>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I'm thinking of plucking Simon's eyebrows while he sleeps, put a sleeping rune on him to stop him waking up.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Why, exactly?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I'm bored, he fell asleep two hours ago and it's only 10!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wouldn't it be much more enjoyable if you dyed them pink, or something?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Good idea!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I don't think this is a good idea guys…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Nonsense my short, ginger friend!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**PinkBoy** likes the pages **I love pink, Pink For The Win, Have a delightfully pink day** and 17 other pages.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace and 5 other's like this)<br>_**PinkBoy**- And all the other pages are about pink too!  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- Please tell me this is just a dream!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- It's not, I'm afraid. You do really have two fluorescent pink coloured caterpillars that have settled above your eyes.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- It clashes dreadfully with your hair colour darling, and I hope you dye them back before the wedding, you'd be an eyesore. I don't know what possessed you to dye your eyebrows a colour that will make you a walking fashion police victim.  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- I didn't do this! I just woke up and they were like this!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Maybe Iz did it? ;)  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- She was asleep, and she's my girlfriend, she wouldn't do this…!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- ;)  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- You! You did this to me!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> Sorry, I was bored.  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- I look like…like…I've got some radioactive substance hanging around in my eyebrows. Why pink? And what's with my username!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Pink looks lovely on your Simey…I didn't change your name though…  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- I do not look good in pink.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Well…this is awkward…  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Wanna make out? ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- ! Maybe… ;)  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- Firstly…Ew…Secondly…never, and I mean NEVER, put winkey faces at the end of your messages Alec…And thirdly, can you guys keep it in your pants for the remainder of this status argument about the colour of my eyebrows! Thank you!  
><em>(Clary Fray, Jackass Jace, Maia and 1 other person likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' bane<strong>- Killjoy.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Baby-Alec Tales**- Dear Diary. I don't like your name, I mean, Diary isn't a very nice name. I'm calling your Sir Malcolm from now on. Because it sounds cool when you say it. Izzy called hers Princess Isabelle, which is a nasty name! Sir Malcolm is much better. Anyway, I've got a pet grasshopper, I called it Flopsy because I was chasing a rabbit and I nearly squished it. I managed to take off my sock and put the Flopsy in it and take him home, Church tried to eat him, but I got up to my room in time. He's in an old Cornflakes box at the moment, under my bed. I sometimes smuggle the salad mum puts with my dinner (I hate salad) and give to Flopsy. I just have to make sure Church doesn't try to eat him again. Alexander Lightwood.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, PinkBoy, Clary Fray and 8 other people like this)<br>_**PinkBoy**- Words can't describe how insane this diary entry is, I'm seriously questioning your mental health in naming things. Flopsy? Sir Malcolm?...  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- I think it's cute! XD  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- Imagine if they adopt a child, the poor thing would have some obscure name like Chantelle Lollipop Glitter Bomb Malcolm Sparkle Bane or something.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- How long did Flopsy survive?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Two days, I think? I opened the box one day and Flopsy was missing, there was a spider in his place.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, PinkBoy and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>

__*(What If)*

**Clary Fray**- Okay! Who killed the toaster? I wanted toast and honey for lunch! Who was the last person to use the toaster.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Strange, I used the toaster and my toast came out all black…  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- At least it matched your clothes.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Okay, so who used the toaster before Alec?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I had a chocolate bar…so…  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Iz! What did you do!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Nothing, I used just it to warm my Spicey Chicken Strips though.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Let me get this right, you put chicken…in the toaster…to warm it…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Yeah.  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- You guys do have something I call an 'Oven' Right?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Of course! Toasting it would be quicker though, and you have to wait ages for the oven to get up to the right temperature.  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>-Fine, fine! Don't blame me when you get Salmonella.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Clary Fray and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I'm surprised how long that toaster lived. I put crisps in there, I think Alec fiddled around with a few of it's wires. Izzy set it on fire, it fell off the worktop, it's fallen down the stairs…  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- What on earth was the toaster doing upstairs anyway?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- There's something oddly satisfying about waking up, and grabbing fresh toast from the toaster, without getting out the bed.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- COUGHlazyCOUGH  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- COUGHshutupCOUGH  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- COUGHidon'tneedtoaster''poof'!takethatblondieCOUGH  
><em>(Clary Fray, Alexander Lightwood, PinkBoy and 1 other person likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Has anyone get a Magnus dictionary near them?

*(What If)*

**Thanks for all the reviews. And remember guys! R&R. I hope you liked this chapter.  
>Review Replies:<strong>

**Winz-And-A-Fez: **Ah, I remember her. But like you said. 11's still free ;) Also, thanks for the lovely review :)**  
>WhoIsTheWriter: <strong>Why thank you!**  
>JellyBobz: <strong>Haha! I just made that up in my head, a spur of the moment thing.**  
>KittyLyn96: <strong>Thank you :D :D**  
>Girl59: <strong>Thank you :) :D :)**  
>Lol: <strong>Glad you like the proposal :D**  
>Joemon8: <strong>No, no, no! Keep rambling my dear MI fan! I'm a rambler myself. I'm a sucker for nice long reviews and off-topic conversations. And yes, Of course I'll marry you XD**  
>PJOfan45: <strong>I try ;)**  
>Malec4Ever: <strong>Don't worry, there will be ;)**  
>Taste The Rainbow – Or Else: <strong>I'm going to change his name again, I just need to think of something good XD**  
><strong>**AdInfinitum1830****: **Aww, thank you :)**  
>Taylor Jade: <strong>Malec Wedding = Crazy**  
>forced-to-grow-up: <strong>Thank you :D**  
>DayMoon89: <strong>I love Malec, I can't wait to see them both in the MI film.**  
><strong>**Piano Mirukoto****: **RIGHT! I LOVE THAT IDEA! I'm defiantly going to use that in a few chapters time. Thank you!~**  
>lizrocks19: <strong>I'm doing great, thank you. And what's not to love about unicorns ;)**  
>JKilmer: <strong>Me too, multi-coloured unicorns :D**  
>EvanescenceAngel: <strong>Mwahahahahaha! Awesome idea that I'm going to use in the next chapter. And thank you for the review! :D**  
>lowshie: <strong>AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW X100000 ;) 


	12. Chapter 12

**PinkBoy** to **Jackass Jace**- I love you.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>...When you put things like that on my wall, people are going to get the wrong impression...  
><em>(Clary Fray, Raphael, Isabelle Lightwood and 2 other people like this)<br>_**PinkBoy**- Oh-No! Not again!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Okay guys, here's the offical baby names for all our couples! Jace&Clary: (Girl) Mandy-Flower Daisy LightFray (Boy) Lemonade Magnus Is The Best LightFray.  
>Izzy&amp;Simon: (Girl) Tiffany Sparkles Glitter Wonder Rainbow Sunshine Lewis-Lightwood (Boy) Sir Malcolm Alec Is Damn Hot Lewis-Lightwood.<br>Raphael&?: (Girl) Bobina (Boy) Bob  
>Chairman Meow&amp;Church: (Girl) Cod Milk Sushi Meow (Boy) Rainbows Are Awesome Meow.<br>Me&Alec: (Girl) Firework Glitter Babe Lightwood-Bane (Boy) Adam Lambert Lightwood-Bane  
><em>(Maia likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**: Okay, I kinda get the first one…But am I really going to name my male child Lemonade…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I'll cry if you don't )-:  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I think our names are amazing! Don't you Simon!  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- Err…yeah…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>: *Crosses fingers* Pleasedon'thavechildren pleasedon'thavechildren please don'thavechildren…  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Raphael**- Why do I have boring names? Mr Sparkles?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Because you're boring.  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- :'(  
><strong>PinkBoy<strong>- Hey! Don't bully my fellow creature of the night! Do it again and I'll force feed your glitter to Alec.  
><em>(Raphael likes this)<em>  
><strong>Raphae<strong>l- :)

*(What If)* 

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'm thinking of buying dear little Alec a shredder as a random gift, so he can have the satisfaction of getting rid of those awful fabric bin-bags that he seems oh-so-determined to wear.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Don't you dare.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I'll make sure it's hot pink too, with sequins that spell out 'Cutie Pie' on the side, only the best for my little manly shadowhunter.  
>(<em>Isabelle Lightwood)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Sorry, Alec can't reply to your status because he's watching a film in his bedroom.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Ooh…What kind of film? *Wink Wink Hint Hint*  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Footloose.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Huh?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- He's watching Footloose, I think Magnus told him to watch it.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Really! Footloose!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- No, he's watching Lesbian Vampire Killers while practicing his catwalk while Church wearing a top hat and a monocle is perching on his head.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Maia like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- HELLO! OFF TOPIC! So, should I get the hot pink shredder? Or the luminous yellow with lime green polka dots?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I think you should get one that plays Britney Spears music when it shreds. He'd love you forever ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I never thought I'd see the day when I'd say something like this…but you're a genius Jace!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Why thank you :) …wait…is it actually possible to get a shredder that plays Britney?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- If there's a will, there's a way ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Simon-** MWHAHAHAHA Take that my rather annoying hacker.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- PinkBoy was much more interesting, as were your pink eyebrows … ):  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Clary Fray** to **Jackass Jace**- Goodmorning Sexy ;)  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Now you're just feeding his ego.  
><em>(Simon, Alexander Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 4 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Hey! I'm sexy too!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Me too.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Same!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- But not as sexy as me! And sorry Alec, but you have as much sex appeal as a baby seal…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- )':  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Hey! Little Allie-Bear is sexy.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You're his boyfriend, it's your job to say nice things about him.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wait…Allie-Bear…  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Magnus! You promised you'd never say that in public!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Technically, sweetness, I wasn't out in public when I typed it.

**Jackass Jace**- Ugh, kill me now!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Gladly ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace**- Attention occupants of the Institute. Attention occupants of the Institute. Clarissa Fray is making dinner, followed by homemade steamed toffee sponge. Isabelle Lightwood is not. And I repeat NOT. Making dinner tonight. You don't have to find place the sick-bucket next to your bed, or smuggle a packet of paracetamol upstairs. Because Clarissa Fray is making dinner. Thank you for listening. Ps. I bugsy second helpings of the toffee sponge.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Clary Fray and Church like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- The little red-head wonder is cooking! Oi, bring me the leftovers next time you visit!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I'll even mix some edible glitter in with the custard, for the pudding. Just for you. And please, call me another name… :)  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Aww! Virtual kissies! Xxxxxxx Love you my vertically challenged friend.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Hey! I made steamed toffee pudding last week, and you guys spat it out!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- That's because, you used ketchup instead of custard.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I'm no Michel Roux, but I have a slight feeling that toffee and tomatoes don't mix particularly well…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<em> 

*(What If)*  
><strong><br>Baby-Alec Tales**- Sir Malcolm. I can't believe Iz told Hodge that I cried when Bambi's mother was killed! I hate her! I'm going to put worms into her shoes in realization. Replication. Retaliation. I knew I'd get there eventually. Mummy told us that Jace is coming soon! I can't wait, but at the same time I really don't want to share my choo choo trains or my zoom zoom cars. From Alec Lightwood :)  
><em>(Clary Fray, Jackass Jace, Simon and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Don't worry Allie! I cried at that part of the move too! I share your pain and suffering!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Don't worry Allie-Bear! I'll stay away from your precious zoom zoom cars and choo choo trains!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Go die.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Simon and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Aww! Jace and Church are cuddling on the sofa!  
><em>(Clary Fray, Maia, Raphael and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Cuddling? Cuddling? You called that Cuddling? He was trying to shred the skin off my face while I was trying to brush him.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Ew, nasty mental image.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Well you didn't do a very good job, he looks like a fat fluffy dust bunny.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Well I'm not exactly going to pursue a career in cat grooming, am I? ;)

*(What If)*

**Slightly shorter chapter this one, so it is. I'm terribly sorry about that.**

**I've got an idea (That'll hopefully be fun) that'll means a reviewer will win the chance to have a little story written for them. It's easy. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 20, and when you review. Tell me which number you choose. The reviewer who gets the number I'm thinking of first, can have a little story (About 200) word story for them. Go on, give it a try! :D**

**Lovely people who I need to thanks for reviews (Including review replies) May be long…:**  
><strong>Pyreflies<strong> **Painter**: Tada! Another chapter my deary :)  
><strong>Willjace<strong> **Henrondale**: Thanks to you, I'm going to use your suggestion in the next chapter :D  
><strong>mymortalromances<strong>: I love them too XD I really don't know how I come up with idea's for it :)  
><strong>AdInfinitum1830<strong>: Thank you for the lovely review! :D  
><strong>BelieveInKi1214<strong>: Another chapter! I hope you enjoyed! :)  
><strong>IssyRedBird<strong>: Sergeant Sarcasm is my nickname at school, strangely enough XD Thanks for the review.  
>Taylor Jade: Why thank you! :)<br>**Malec4Ever**: I get like that when I see emails in my inbox XD Thanks for the lovely review :D And have I ever told you how much I love your username! :)  
><strong>DayMoon89<strong>: I know! I'm just hoping all the special effects are good. It was going to be yellow, but I thought pink was a more manly colour ;)  
><strong>Joemon8<strong>: Nooo…not yet…but you'll find out who it is soon XD I think I'd try Izzy's cooking to, I bet it would be lovely *Gags* And I don't know, I've always fancied a winter wedding? ;) How about you?  
><strong>Lizrocks19<strong>:I used your suggestion, and thus, Magnus named everyone's babies. Because he comes up with brilliant names XD  
><strong>Girl59<strong>: He's such an easy target, and so cute, I can't help but make the other characters tease him.  
><strong>SpAzZ<strong> **AtTaCk**: I'm not sure what to change Jace's name to, to be honest XD And I'm glad that you enjoy each chapter, my lovely reviewer! :)  
><strong>JKilmer<strong>: I'd also plug a microwave in your room, for those all important take-aways. And maybe an oven in your wardrobe, you never know when you'd need it! ;)  
><strong>mbrattoo<strong>: Please review, they make the world go round :) And I love the idea of baby Alec, he'd be so cute XD  
><strong>EvanescenceAngel<strong>: *Hands over tissue* Haha! I'm definitely doing that in the next chapter! It's amazing! XD


	13. Chapter 13

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Maryse officially scares me with her 'Bitch' look. Apparently answering the question 'I heard you and Alexander went on a date last night, how did it go?' with 'Good thanks. We had pasta for dinner and then we went home and did hanky panky on the couch' Is frowned upon ):  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Maia and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace** - Ah, my brother has finally been deflowed; Engaged in mattress Manbo; has done the horizontal hula; Did the nasty.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Mattress Mambo eh? I like the sound of that ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Guys!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Fine, fine. Back onto the subject of Maryse being scary as hell.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- I think she could castrate a guy just by looking at them…  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 6 other people like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Isabelle Lightwood** to **Jackass Jace**- Let's eat Jace.  
><em>(Simon, Clary Fray and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Simon**- Nom Nom Nom  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- ?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Lets eat Jace. Let's eat, Jace. Correct punctuation (In this case, a comma) can save a persons life.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I meant it in a 'Lets go eat, Jace. I'm hungry' not a 'Mmmm…you look rather scrumptious today blondie'

*(What If)*

**Clary Fray-** Jace looks like the bog monster.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- And that's on a good day, darling.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood-** Well it's your fault! You were the one who scared me!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You didn't have to push me in a muddy puddle!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- When did this happen?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Killing Demons in central park XD  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Well, I'm off to take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it ;)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Alexander Lightwood**- You're a moron, I hope you realize that.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I mean, who wakes someone up to tell that that we can sleep in today.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- It defies logic.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- You suck.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- That's what she said. ;)  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood and Simon like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace**- I love strolling into Mundie gym's :)  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Why? To work out?  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> No, to watch them struggle :D :D :D  
>(<em>Simon likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Sadist…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Isabelle Lightwood** to **Simon**- Happy Birthday babe! :D  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- What Isabelle said :)  
><strong>Simon<strong>- …  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Minus the 'babe' part.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Oh, kay XD  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Happy Birthday. Have a nice day.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Happy Birthday!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Happy Birthday!  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Happy Birthday dude.  
><strong>Raphae<strong>l- Feliz Cumpleaños  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Aww guys! I feel so loved!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I'm making you a cake :D  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Aww…babe…you…err…don't have to do that…  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray, Maia and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- No! I insist!

**Jackass Jace**- Sorry dude, I'm so so sorry…  
><em>(Simon Likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Ugh…There's a dog hair in my Chai! And I want to know where it came from!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I'm not doctor.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- But it probably came off a dog.  
><em>(Simon and Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Simon**- Nothing better than reading my WombRaider comics on the sofa :)  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- WombRaider!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- You steal babies…from…the mums…womb…  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Simon**- Lol! Sorry! Typo! I meant TombRaider. Not WombRaider. Stupid AutoCorrect!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Come here now mister, I need your opinion on what colour our bedroom should be painted.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Sorry, I promised Jace that I'd spar with him.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Yes! I'm not letting you kidnap him! I need a punchbag! Er…I mean…sparring buddy.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- "Kidnapping" is such a strong word, I prefer to say "Surprise Adoption"  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Simon and 2 other people like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace**- Isabelle's like a T-Rex with a toothache when it's her 'Time-Of-The-Month' Just thought I'd warn you.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Simon and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Time of the month? You mean the monthly food shopping?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Her period you dolt! Do you want me to explain?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh.

**Alexander Lightwood**- Ewwwwww…  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- WHO STOLE MY ORGANIC STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE!  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Wow, you weren't kidding!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- SERIOUSLY! I NEED IT NOW!  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Why?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- So she can bring all the boys to the yard ;)  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Simon, Clary Fray and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I'M GOING TO SEVERE YOUR HEAD, USE YOUR BRAINS TO MAKE SOUP, MAKE A NECKLACE OUT OF YOUR TEETH AND THEN I'M GOING TO FLUSH YOUR BODY DOWN THE TOILET!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I think she's angry.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- HOW. DARE. YOU. HOW. WOULD. YOU. LIKE. IT. IF. YOU. BLED. EVERY. MONTH. I'M. GOING. TO. KILL. YOU.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- I think your computer has Asthma, Iz.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Alexander Lightwood and 1 other person likes this)<em>

*(What If)* 

**Jackass Jace**- Ah.  
><em>(Maia likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I love remembering stuff that happened in the past.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Remember when me and Clary thought we were siblings?  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Remember when Simon was a dorky kid with glasses.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Remember when Alec was so far in the closet, he was having adventures in Narnia with Justin Bieber.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray, Maia and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Hey!

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I hate it when people ask questions that I can't answer ):  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace and Simon like this)<br>_**Simon-** How many oms could an om nom nom if and om nom could om noms?  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- …

**Simon**- I have successfully managed to make a high warlock speechless, my life is now complete.  
>(<em>Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Ha! I found my spatula.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Were screwed.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simon, Clary Fray and 7 other people like this)<br>_  
>*(What if)*<br>** No one got the number! :O :O :O  
>Okay! Lets do this again! I'm thinking of a number between…hmmm….80 and 100…review that number!<br>**

**I Hoped you liked this chapter, I was on superdrive (Aka. Sugar high. I love Aniseed Balls)**

**People I need to thank for those lovely reviews! Thank you darlings! You each receive a virtual cookie made by the one and only Isabelle!  
>Kittylyn96<br>Joemon8  
>Anonmymous1997<br>DayMoon89  
>Gothic-Chiq<br>xo rosie ox  
>lizrocks19<br>Girl59  
>PanicxAtxThexDiscoxFan<br>Taste the Rainbow- Or Else  
>Echoing Dreams<br>Rockyricks919  
>JKilmer<br>KiraSabino  
>Wingz-and-a-Fez<br>Malec4Ever  
>Evanscence Angel<br>**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Daymoon89 guessed the number correctly! And because of that, her idea has been made into a little one-shot that's at the end of this chapter. Love you all!  
>On a side note, does anyone else think that the dapper dude in Katy Perry's Hot And Cold video looks like Alec. Or is it just me?<strong>

*(What If)*****

**Clary Fray**- I just got an idea for a drawing! :D  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

**Jackass Jace**- Oh?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Oh?  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- oh?  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Oh?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Oh?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Oh?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Pokerface?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I fezzing hAPI Sookers!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I could of eaten a tin of Alphabet Spaghetti and thrown it back up, and it still would make more sense than that…monstrosity…  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I told you, young man! Never take more than three of those pills I gave you! ;)  
>(<em>Jackass Jace likes this)<em>

**Alexander Lightwood**- Sorry guys, Magnus had too much rum again.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Fezzing? Hapi? Sookers?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I think it's meant to be "I'm feeling happy, suckers!"  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Um! Allie said a naughty word!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- HAH! He sUCKS alL the TIME!  
><strong>Isabelle lightwood<strong>- Ooh. Details please?  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Magnus! Don't you dare!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- MmmmMmmM Babi, you're so SEXAH when you get All ComMAndINg!

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- I swear Church just burped, it was either him or Izzy. Seeing as they were the only people in the room at the time.  
><em>(Church likes this)<br>_**Church-** Mew Fish Mew Mew Mew Mew Jace Mew Mew Burp Mew Mew.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Magnus?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Church said it wasn't him, and that the noise came from Iz.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I don't burp!  
><strong>Church<strong>- TUNA!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Magnus?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Church said OBJECTION!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Jackass Jace and Simon like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- One word: Hangover.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Simon**- Two words: You're stupid XD  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Three words: Shut up Simon!  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Four words: Make me, Mr Sparkles.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Five words: Like you've never had one.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Six words- You're so funny when you're drunk.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Seven words: Leave me alone, Allie never teases me ):  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Eight words: But he's meant to do that! Hello! Boyfriend!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Nine words: He never teased me when I was drunk, leech.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Ten words: Hey, I'm no leech. I prefer to be called! SimonTheGreat!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well done boys! You can count to ten!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Simon**- I dislike you ):  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- But the gold star goes to Magpie, Simon! You can't merge three words together to create one, it's cheating.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Actually, I hate you.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace**- The hair on my chest is soooo long! I love to plait it in my spare time!  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Nothing better than plaiting nice long chest hair in the morning. Mmmm  
><em>(Clary Fray and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Sometimes! I put my pink Barbie hairbands at the bottom of each plait :D  
><strong>(Raphael likes this)<br>Jackass Jace**- I'm stroking my chest hair as I post. Feels so soft and silky! Oh yeah baby!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- !  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What the hell! Stop fraping my facebook, I only went to the toilet!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Raphael and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I'm going to get you guys back for this!

*(What If)*

**Alexander Lightwood** to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I got that sexy maid costume ;) Looks damn sexy on me! Especially with all that PVC and lace.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Ooh :D  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Get some Alec!  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- Maid costume!  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

**Alexander Lightwood**- Wait! I was hacked! I didn't put this up! JACE!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Payback!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- What for?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It was you who hacked my account earlier, right?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- No.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh…whoops… XD  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- So wait, no maid costume?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Thankfully not.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> :(  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- :(  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I was actually getting excited about that.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- What a coincidence that I happen to have a maid costume in my closet, in your size. ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Magnus…  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace-** What to do…what to do…Izzy's out bringing the boys to the yard with her milkshake. Magpie and Allie are swapping saliva on the sofa (Which is gradually putting me off my dinner) Clary's out being hot and ginger somewhere, and Church is ignoring me.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You say were putting you off dinner, do you know how off-putting it is making out with my fiancé with this ugly creature roaming around.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I think you wrote ugly instead of incredibly hot with great abs.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- There were lots of words going through my head, none of them related to 'Incredibly hot with great abs'  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I wish to interrupt this bitch fest with an announcement. While I'm trooping around WallMart, does anyone want me to buy them something?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Instant black coffee?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Sure, anything else?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- An Ego-Diffuser please, I think Jace could do with one.  
><strong>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>Jackass Jace**- Can you get me some cheese please.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Cheese?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- My abs are so spectacular that you could grate cheese on them, I want to prove this to Sparkles McSparkles by showing him firsthand.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- …Uh…Okay…  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Your presence makes me feel faint, please don't present me with your nonexsistant abs, shadowhunter. You'll scar me for life.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- oh really!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yeah!  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Bring it on!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Here we go…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- …again.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- You know, we're actually more similar than you think, Alec. We both have very annoying boyfriends.  
>(<em>Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Now that you mention it ;)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace-** What the hells that!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- It's called your face.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Haha! Very funny :C But seriously…What is it?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> What is it?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I dunno! That's why I'm asking you!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Are you talking about the brown stuff on the floor, near your shoes?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Yes!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Maybe Church thought they were his litter tray?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Your shoes certainly smell like a litter tray – You can smell them a mile away, the poor little moggy simply got confused.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It can't be Church! This brown stuff's wrapped in a little food bag.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Civilized cat?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh yes, because Church is going to relieve himself, put it in a food bag, and leave it by my shoes.  
><em>(Church likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Don't be silly Jace! That's my homemade brownie; I made up a new recipe just for you. I left it by your shoes so that when you went out, you can take it with you. Eat it on the go.

**Jackass Jace**- Er…thanks…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I think I'll call it Delightful Heaven Brownie :D  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I think I'll call it Kitty Poop.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

*(What If)*_  
><em>  
><strong>Baby-Alec Tales<strong>- Sir Malcolm. I hate Isabelle, everyone's like "Oh isn't she cute!" and blah blah blah blah…Anyway, I put on some of that pink paint on my lips (Don't tell Iz I stole it from her room. I think it's called lip paint, or something. I see lots of people wearing it) but mommy told me off! She's just jealous that she doesn't have such amazing model like lips as me. Her face is going to be stuck in a permanent frown, mommy's always frowning. She only smiles when she gets me and Iz to do the housework. I've come to the conclusion that it stems from the fact I have nice lips, and hers are all thin and wrinkly, like and old woman's face. Alexander Lightwood.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane. Simon, Isabelle Lightwood and 2 others like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- You can wear 'Lip Paint' anytime for me, darling ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I think Maryse's default expression is either 'Bitch-Mode please' or 'The corners of my mouth are being pulled down my gravity' look.

_(Simon likes this)  
><em>**Isabelle Lightwood** likes this- Excuse me darling brother! How dare you steal my 'Lip-Paint' That was my Limited Edition Candyfloss-Sparkle-Barbie-Lip-Balm! ;)  
>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<p>

*(What If)*

**This is for you: Daymoon89**  
>The two year old shrieked in protest as he was shoved aside by the tall Asian, Alec flushed with embarrassment as he said sorry to a rather plump, angry looking woman that he presumed was his mother. Her face resembled one of an rabid dog.<br>"Magnus!" Alexander said, annoyed. His fiancé slowed down and instead began eyeing up the 'Three For Two' offer on Maybelline makeup "You pushed that poor little boy out the way!"

Magnus made an unidentifiable noise and instead started rubbing various shades of eyeshadow on the back of his hand "What do you think? Coral? Or peach?"  
>Alec waved his hand dismissive, but had to admit that the coral colour did actually look nice "Ugh, Coral?"<br>"Good choice" Magnus mumbled, he placed the said pot of eyeshadow with others in the already overflowing basket. Alec felt his cheeks colour slightly as passer-bys cast half amused, half confused looks in their direction.  
>"Can we go home now?" Alec sighed, he tugged at the bottom of him MCR shirt, Magnus had picked it out on him. And while it was black (And sported the name of one of his favourite bands) it was horribly tight, so tight infact, it felt more like a second skin.<p>

"Go home!" Magnus' beautiful cat eyes widened comically "We've only been here four hours, and also. It's my birthday! I can do whatever I want"  
>Alec pursed his lips, a look of submission on his face. Magnus grinned and flung his hand out towards his dear Blue-Eyes "Does blue look good on me?"<p>

"I think it does" A new voice interrupted, and both males turned to see a tall slim woman, her curly blonde hair pulled up into a tight bun. She wore simple black trousers and button up. Her pin badge read in clear, neat lettering "Samantha"  
>"Do you need any help, sirs?" She asked politely, Magnus sent her his mega-watt grin "Actually, I want you to give my fiancé a makeover, he looks awful! Like he's been hit with the ugly stick today. My fault though, I shouldn't of kept him up so late, dear Samantha" He winked and she giggled, clearly enjoying the little tid-bit of information. Alec flushed "I don't look awful!"<br>"Please, call me Sam and a bit of eyeliner would make those eyes of yours really pop!" Samantha said, she grassed Alec by the elbow and dragged him across the shop, Magnus skipping gleefully behind them. Sam pushed him back into a black, padded, highstool next to clinical looking dresser. A few other staff members looked on with keen interest (As did some of the shoppers, much to Alec's annoyance)  
>Alec was so lost in his thought that he jumped when Sam swept something over his eyelids, he gave an manly *Cough*Girly*Cough* shriek in surprise, Sam chuckled.<p>

"Oh darling! You have lovely eyes!" She commented, and Magnus nodded keenly, he was peering over Sam's shoulder, a look of pure glee on his face. Alec sighed, he'd do this. For his fiancé's birthday. After all that Magnus had done, a little makeover was measly in comparison.  
>"Now! Some eyeliner!" Magnus half yelled, excitement gittering in his eyes, Sam grabbed a black pencil, similar to the one that he'd seen Magnus use daily, and told him to close his eyes. Alec complied, furrowing his brow when he felt the blunt tip draw across his upper lash line.<br>"Okay, open" Sam commanded. Alec opened his eyes, Sam and Magnus' eyes lit up. He feared that the two of them were a dangerous combination.  
>8 hours later, well, it was more like 10 minutes later, but to Alec it felt like he'd sat in that chair for the past day, being 'Barbiefied' as he now called it. <p>

"Done! Of Allie-Bear! You look amazing!" Magnus gushed, leaning in so closely, he gazed at the handywork. From the deliciously smokey eyes, rimmed with faint eyeliner; to the faint sheen of the silver glitter that covered his face. And oh god! His hair! It was styled in that I've-So-Got-Bedhead-But-Damn-I'm-Sexy! Way.

"I look like someone's thrown a glitter bomb at my face" Alec cried out, the mirror clutched in his hands.  
>"Ignore him, he thought his sisters felt eyeliner was a pen!"<br>"Oh!" Sam gasped.  
>Alec sent a nearby teenage girl a glare, she'd been staring at him for ages. Though he doubted that the said look worked much when he looked like a male tinkerbell.<p>

"Okay! Show me where the glitter you used is! It's absolutely darling! Oh! And that eyeliner!" Sam nodded vigorously and began to weave her way through the audience they had gathered; Magnus grabbed Alec by the hand and dragged him off after the blonde. An elderly man sent him a startled expression, his mouth opening so wide Alec thought his dentures might of fallen out. He swore he could see a little cloud of glitter trailing after him…He could just imagine the looks on his siblings faces when he got home.

***(What If)***

**Done! I hope you liked this chapter guys. And I'm so sorry for not putting a Baby-Alec Tales in the previous chapter. I realized once I posted it up, but I thought that not many people liked it anyway. But apparently not XD XD  
>I made sure there was one in this chapter though, forgive me?<strong>

**I want to add a twist to this story/thing but I'm not quite sure what to do :C**

**Anyway! Thank you to all the reviewers in ReviewerLand. Isabelle spent the day after the last upload throwing hissyfits since so many of you declined her cookies ;)  
>So, each reviewer gets a signed pot of glitter by the one and only Magnus, do I hear cheers?<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**AN. So, I've just finished watching Doctor Who, and now I'm watching X-Factor. So. Life is good. And I'm so very pleased someone commented about the klainebows in my last chapter ;) You gotta love some klaine.**

*(What If)*****

**Baby-Alec tales- **Sir Malcolm. I am so mad right now, that I could cut up my Spiderman Pj's! Somebody stole my white crayon. White crayons are very important, because if you mix it with yellow and pink, you get the right colour for my skin tone. And without it, I would look yellow! I think Iz stole it again. I'm going to go steal her pink, to see how she likes that. From a very angry Alexander Lightwood.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- THAT'S WHERE IT WENT! GIVE IT BACK!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- NEVER! GIVE ME BACK MY WHITE!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- THAT WAS A LIMITED EDITION! I CAN'T FIND ANOTHER ONE LIKE IT!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- SO!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Can I just say, you two are actually adults.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- SHUT UP!

*(What If)*****

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- So, romantic walk through a park is not so romantic when the wind is killing my hair!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I feel for you babe ):  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Thanks ):  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- How is that even possible, I think a cyclone would have trouble budging a hair out of place with all that gel.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Do I detect a hint of underlying jealousy? ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Don't make me laugh, Bane.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- OMG! You are so jealous of my sexy ebony locks!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- What!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Don't deny it, Blondilocks.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I dislike you...And Blondilocks? What?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- That's it, I'm ignoring you.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- And that, my adorable shawdowhunter friends, including Simeypoo, is how you get rid of Blondilocks quickly.  
><em>(Simon, Isabelle Lightwood, Raphael and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- You do know I can read, right?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh hello! I thought you were ignoring me ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I have every intention of sneaking into your flat tonight to castrate you with a rusty fork.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-** Do that and I'll take you downtown to Agony Lane, so you can tke a ride on the Pain Train.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Maia, Raphael and 5 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Simon-** Copy and Paste this status is you're always being asked to copy and paste things by your friends who keep copy and pasting their friends status' who also keep copying and pasting things to their status.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Chairman Meow like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- This status confuses me. Full stop.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Simon confuses me. Full Stop.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

**Maia**- This whole conversation confuses me. Full Stop.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Simon<strong>- For goodness sake guys! Stop trolling my status!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glittter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glittter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glittter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter Glitter  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Raphael**- Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_**Simon-** Honestly! Stop it guys!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion Fashion  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Raphael like this)<br>_**Simon**- …  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst Emo Angst  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- ^On behalf of my brother  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Raphael and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace** to **Simon**- Do you know what really makes me smile?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Err…  
><strong>Jackass<strong> **Jace**- Go on, answer :D  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Winning?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Nope  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Soda?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Nope.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Killing a demon?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Nope  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Your adorable sister?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Nope.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- I give up; What really makes you smile?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Facial Muscles :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Simon-** :(

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- What do I do when I see someone extreamly GORGEOUS! I stare, I smile, and then I put down the mirror ;)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Can you possibly get anymore arrogant?  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Probably…ahem…Where shall I start…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, but suicides a crime ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- There's no such thing as a cold shower when I'm in there ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Jace. Shut up.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Simon**- At least he's not trolling you.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Simon!

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Alexander Lightwood**- ! Winter Wedding!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray and Maia like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood-** Maybe, what if it snows?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Hello, I'm a warlock, I could turn the snow in fantastical ice sculptures of everyone.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I hate weddings ):  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- WHY!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Don't get your little rhinestone panties in a twist!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I just hate them because all the old people poke me and say "Your next"  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Then when you next attend a funeral, poke all the old people and say "Your next" That'll shut them up.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- No, Mr Abufel. I do not want to sell you my liver for $5. Sincerely, Isabelle.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Simon like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Isabelle! Do not sell your body parts!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- It's spam mail Allie-Bear! Geeze, go check yours now. I bet you've got a weird email.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Spam Mail?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- What!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Buy one get one free on pregnancy tests?  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Pregnancy tests?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Subliminal messages? ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh…  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Well that's just awkward.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Simon**- I hate mornings, my alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed. And has to separate us.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>

**Jackass Jace**- I know how you feel, dude. Even my alarm clock finds me irresistible. On the plus side, it reminds me that I'm a stud ;)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Jace, Shut up. And Simiiieeeeeeee, the clock is clearly jealous of us ;)  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Love you babe!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Do I need to remind you that I have a girlfriend Simon.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I'm going to get you packaging tape for your birthday, Blondie; it'll keep you nice and quiet. He's clearly talking about me.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Bondage? Are you a sexual deviant, dear sis?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Seriously! Go away Jace! You're so annoying!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- My job as a brother is now complete! One down, one to go.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood-** Don't you dare!

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- Clary: Hot Stuff!  
><em>(Clary Fray and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>  
><em>Maia-<em> Your hair is so pretty Clary!  
><em>(Clary likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- My handiwork has been useful!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- WHAT HAVE I MISSED!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I gave Clary a makeover, makeup, hair and everything. She looks hot.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Damn! I can't believe I missed that!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I don't have your number Bane, but I've texted a picture to Alec.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- He's just texted it to me. Wow! I love the green dress, really brings out your hair colour hun!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Thanks! That's a lot coming from you :)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh darling! You're making me blush! ;)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- I think that stuff around your eyes looks nice.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Skin? You do know it covers your whole body, right. Not just the area around your eyes. XD  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and Raphael like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood-** Ugh! No, that black stuff!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Eyeshadow?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- What on earth is eyeshadow?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- It's powdery pigment that goes on the upper eyelid. Geeze!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Well it's not that. It's the stuff next to the eyelashes.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Mascara?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- ?  
><strong>Clary Fray-<strong> It's like a coloured paste; that defines your eyelashes and makes them longer.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Not that. It's that liney stuff.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Liney stuff?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Yeah.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- A wrinkle?  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Sod off Simon. Do you mean eyeliner, Alec?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- What's that?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well, it's stuff. That lines the eye.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- ?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Like a crayon, that draws a line around the eye.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh yeah, that stuff. It err, looks nice. :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- FINALLY! I thought we were still going to be having this conversation next year.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Allie-Dear, do you know what foundation is?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> No.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Isabelle! You're coming over right now! Alec is oblivious to the world of makeup! It's tragic!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Oh gosh! I'm coming! Don't panic!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Maia**- The notifications! They burnnnnnn…..  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Raphael, Simon and 3 other people like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Alexander Lightwood**- What does IDK mean?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I don't know  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I don't know :)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Well at least I'm not the only one who doesn't know what it means. Maybe Jace knows? It's just; Magnus keeps saying it in inbox messages.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Idk ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Exactly! There! What does it mean Magnus?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I don't know ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Well if you don't know, why do you keep saying it?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Oh Magnus, stop tormenting my poor little brother.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- No, keep doing it. It's amusing. XD  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Jace, are you in on this? Please, just tell what Idk means, it's tormenting me.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I don't know.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Does anyone know around here?  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- I don't know, idiota.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Not you too.  
><strong>Maia-<strong> IDK means I. Don't. Know.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- What?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Fiddlesticks.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Cue facepalm.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Isabelle Lightwood- **Sorry about being out tonight guys (Alec and Jace) But I prepared dinner for you. There's some pickled baby in the fridge. Just warm it through and add it to some rice or something. Love you.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

**Simon**- This is when I'm glad I'm a vampire, and that I actually have a reason for not eating her food. pickled baby doesn't sound…tasty.  
><em>(Raphael likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- First person to raise hand wins…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Raises hand*  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…The first look under that foil covered plate in the fridge ;)  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Hey! You tricked me!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well, it's too late now. Go on, see if there really is a pickled baby there.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> Whoops! Sorry guys! I put pickled baby instead of pickled bacon. I hate the autocorrect on my phone.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> YES!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Wow! You've never cheered over my cooking before! I'll make sure to make it again. See you guys later :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wait a minute. Pickled bacon sounds just as unappetizing as pickled baby.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Meat Fest Pizza?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Extra cheese?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- You pay half.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Fine.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Deal :D  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Thank you to those who reviewed last chapter! :D :D :D  
>So I did a longerish chapter, just to say thank you, and Magnus was pleased that everyone liked this pot of glitter. Chairman Meow has kindly donated gifts to those who review, and today's prize is…a mangled shoe…from his stash of chewed shoes that are hidden under Alec and Magnus' bed.<strong>

**Go on, get some chewed shoe!**

**Love from ****Aleksander-Nikolaevich-Her**** :-)  
>(On a side note, there's a brilliantly cute manga, called +ANIMA that doesn't get any love. Just thought I'd let people know about it. For a picture of two of the characters, check out my Avatar. Aren't they cute?)<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**A.N. I don't own anything. If I did, Max would be alive, and the whole book would be filled with Malec.**

**On a side note, does anyone know that Alec can levitate! He can also cure people of demonic poison, create portals and manipulate memory. Seriously, did anyone else not know about this? Or is it just me?  
>I got the information from here: <strong>**http : / mortal instruments . wikia . com / wiki / Alec _ Lightwood**** (Remove spaces – it says he can do all that snazzy stuff at the bottom of the page)**

*(What If)*  
><strong><br>Eric**- My loins throb with the intensity of the pain within my heart.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Gigglemainia! You said Loins!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Loins is such a lovely word.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I much prefer Glitter, or sparkles. Or even better, Alexander. But I guess...loins...sounds okay too.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I keep giggling when I say that word.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- What? Loins?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong> ;')

*(What If)*

**Baby-Alec Tales**- Sir Malcolm. Not to self. Do not lick batteries. No matter how tempting they may seem. Alexander Lightwood.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Eric and 7 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- That explains so much...  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Says the boy who bathed in a bath of Spaghetti.

_(Eric likes this)  
><em>_  
><em>*(What If)*

**Luke Garroway** to**Maia Roberts**- HOW DO I WRITE ON SOMEONES WALL?  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Maia Roberts**- Your doing it now.  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- OH! LOL!  
><strong>Maia Roberts<strong>- Uh...yeah...  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Can I just ask, whats with the capitals?  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- I DON'T KNOW! CLARY JUST SHOWED ME THE INTERNET YESTERDAY! LOL  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well, you see that big button on the left of the keyboard, that says 'Caps Lock'?  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- YES  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Click it.  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- Yep.  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- Wow! The big letters are gone now! You're amazing, Jace!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well…I do try ;)

*(What If)*

**Eric** to **Simon**- The Schizophrenic Scorpions.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Too…Scorpion-ey.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What are you doing?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Discussing band names. Any idea's?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Jace-Is-Hot?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Too lame.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Eri**c- The Fiery Loins?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- ;')  
><strong>Eric<strong>- My loins are on fire?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- ;')  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Too long, and err…strange…  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Sexthirsty Vampires?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I doubt the name 'Sexthirsty Vampires' would sell…

*(What If)*

**Luke Garroway** to **Alexander Lightwood**- LOL! I saw you at KFC today LOL!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Uh…That's great.  
><em>(Maia likes this)<br>_**Luke Garroway**- You looked like you were enjoying your chicken. LOL!1!11111  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Yeah, it was very…nice…  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- There was some serious Nommage going on.  
><em>(Simon and Eric like this)<br>_**Eric**- You're one hip adult, Luke!  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- I'm down with the kids mate! Hey, Alec, wanna go eat KFC with me. We can like, chill out and stuff. LOL!  
><strong>Maia Roberts<strong>- Luke, what are you doing?  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- I'm being hip and trendy!  
><strong>Maia Roberts<strong>- Your scaring me.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Hey! He didn't just ask you to go to KFC with you, did he?  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Maia Roberts**- Point taken.

*(What If)*

**Simon** to **Isabelle Lightwood**- Thanks for the heart shaped peanut butter and octopus cookies…  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Only the best for my adorable dumpling! :)  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- PUKES PUPPIES, GLITTER AND CONFETTI.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Did someone mention glitter! :D …  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Get some Simon! GROWL!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Our little bloodsucker is growing up! It brings tears to my eyes!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Excuse me. Don't you mean 'Magnus' little bloodsucker'?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Remember son, always use protection! We don't want little vampire/shadowhunter hybrids being released into the world!  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Eric, Clary Fray and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Also son, invest in a haircut. You don't want to look like mommy now, do you?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Mommy?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yes, Alexander. Aren't you so proud of our son, Allie-Bear.

**Alexander Lightwood**- Whatever.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- See, he loves you.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Dude, is the Disco-Ball always like this?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Pretty much.

*(What If)*

**Baby-Alec Tales**- Sir Malcolm. Is it wrong that I don't like talking to Jace (My new adoptive brother) about girls. The whole idea about kissing one repulses me. I mean, with all that slimey stuff they cake on their lips, it would be like kissing a dead squid. Also. What on earth is with those…things…on their chest! Doesn't it hurt! Alexander Lightwood.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray and Eric like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- They don't hurt Alec XD  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Yeah, but yours are the size of Ping-Pong balls.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- They are not!

_(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)  
><em>**Jackass Jace**- Really, they aren't.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Ew.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> I was such an idiot when I was little.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- This was written when you boarded the G.A.Y TRAIN.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Where it took you to candycane land.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Where it rains glitter, skittles and sugar.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Dude, what are you on? And where did you get it? Seriously, I want some.  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Isabelle lightwood**- Crikey woman! Have you ever heard of Sell-By-dates. I've seen younger things on the Antiques Roadshow!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I'll ignore that comment on my cooking. And instead, I'll address the other issue. You watch Antiques Roadshow?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Uh! I…No! It just comes on during the day…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>-…Right…  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Simon**- And I'd like to address another issue: You say crikey?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay, we've gathered that I'm an American man; that watches Britsh TV that says Australian phrases. Can we please go back to the previous topic of Sell-By-Dates. The box of Cornflakes nearly shattered my teeth, and low and behold! They were ten years out of date.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Parabati, I've decided that since you got your boyfriend to zap me a bagel. I'm not going to be horribly cruel to you today.

_(Alexander Lightwood likes this)_  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Thank you :) That's possibly the nicest thing you've ever said to me.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Only kidding, I left plastic tub of Isabelle's Seafood-Surprise on your doorstep. ;) ;) ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Go die.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Eric like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- I'm A Barbie Girl In The Barbie World; Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic; You Can Brush My Hair, Undress Me Everywhere; Imagination, Life Is Your Creation! :D  
><em>(Eric and Luke Garroway like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I'm A Blonde Single Girl In The Fantasy World; Dress Me Up, Take Your Time, I'm Your Dollie; You're My Doll, Rock And Roll, Feel The Glamour And Pain; Kiss Me Here, Touch Me There, Hanky-Panky!  
><em>(Eric and Luke Garroway like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Make Me Walk, Make Me Talk, Do Whatever You Please; I Can Act Like A Star, I Can Beg On My Knees; Come Jump In, Be My Friend, Let Us Do It Again; Hit The Town, Fool Around, Let's Go Party!  
><em>(Eric and Luke Garroway like this)<em>_  
><em>**Jackass Jace-** Sexy Times!  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- My loins burn with passion!  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I'm eating my pet rock.

_(Eric likes this)_  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- My pet rocks called Magnus.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I love sniffing church's litter tray.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I'm standing in the middle of a busy street, stark naked. So google earth can take a picture of my amazingness. It feels so liberating  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Loins is such a lovely word.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- LOINS! LOINS! LOINS! I LOVE MY LOINS! I LOVE TO CARASS MY LOINS IN A STRUPENDOUS WAY! LOINS LOINS LOINS LOINS!  
><em>(Eric, Clary Fray and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- Simon, Eric, if you ever screw around with my facebook again. I'm going to slather your hair in Magnus's silver glitter gel.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'd actually pay to see that.

_(Jackass Jace likes this)_  
><strong>Eric<strong>- How did you know it was us?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Yeah?  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>

**Jackass Jace**- Oh, just a wild guess!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

**Jackass Jace**- That fact the last comment consisded of the word 'Loins' repeatedly kinda gave it away. And seriously, did you really change my password to 'Loins-R-My-Life'?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Maybe…  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

*(What if)*

**Eric**- I'm brown, and sticky. What am I? ;)  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I dunno…a stick maybe?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Nope :D  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Isabelle's thriple chocolate, carrot and lemon jelly?  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Eric**- You sir, are very good.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I have a sudden urge to put 'In bed' at the end of Eric's comment.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Do that, and I'll dye your skin orange and hair green. And you'll forever look like an Oompa Loompa.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- XD  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- He already DOES! OOH! YOU JUST GOT TOLD! LOL!  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>-…  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- Too much?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- A little.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Jackass Jace and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Jackass Jace**- Witty status update.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Amazingly nerdy reply.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Snarky reply.

**Simon**- Correction of spelling in previous comment.

**Clary Fray**- Reply nearly identical to the first due to failure of reading previous comments.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Mocking LOL comment.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Comment.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Double comment.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Comment to point out the previous persons fail in commenting.  
><strong>Alexander lightwood<strong>- Complaint about not being able to delete double post.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Tragic blonde interpretation of status.  
><strong>Maia-<strong> Another mocking LOL comment about previous comment.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Another witty comment with faint flirty undertones.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Comment about something completely irrelevant to status.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Annoyed comment about previous comment.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Bitch fight starts.

**Jackass Jace-** Bitch fights back.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Virtual bitch slap.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Vitual bitch kick.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Bitchy reply.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Bitchy yelling.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Bitchy screaming.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Sorry apology comment.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- 'No-It's-My-Fault' comment.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Awkward comment about previous bitch fight.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Comment that takes everyone's attention back to the status that started the comment thread.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- And that, dear friends. Is the life cycle of a status. :D  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Simon, Maia and 6 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Alexander Lightwood**- Damn. I can't believe I just did that.

_(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Luke Garroway like this)  
><em>**Simon**- Quick, wash your hands and bed sheets, and; REMEMBER, delete your browser history! That is a very important step.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Eric and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Uh…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Don't worry hun, you still look sexy with it dribbling down your chin. ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Thanks for the mental image.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Damn, that's hot!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- How is snorting milk hot?  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Oh god! How do you delete a comment!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I mean, I didn't just giggle and snort milk.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>-…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You drink milk? And you snorted it? While giggling? I think you've just damaged your masculinity…  
>(Isabelle Lightwood, Eric, Simon and 1 other person likes this)<br>**Alexander Lightwood**- FML.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Just to let you guys know, he borrowed my pink floral handkerchief to wipe his face with. That is all.

_(Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace, Eric and 4 other people like this)  
><em>**Alexander Lightwood**- Magnus!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- ;)_  
><em>**Jackass Jace**- While I'm here. Alec, care to reply to my text?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Take your time.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- …  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I mean, it's not like I'm waiting for you to drop me off at the restaurant for my date seeing as you're the only one who drives.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Walk?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh yes, because I'll happily walk into town in the pouring rain to meet Clary, while dripping water all over her.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Still waiting…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- …  
><strong>Alexander lightwood<strong>- Oh sorry! I forgot about you!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Well hurry up and drive me over. Where were you?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Sorry, we were making out in the kitchen.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- It was quite nice actually. :D  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Did I mention we were shirtless?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- No you didn't, please continue.  
>(Maia likes this)<p>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- Just took a shower.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- About time, you smelt like a gutted fish that had been left out in the sun for a week.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Eric and 4 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Let me rephrase. I just took a shower with Alec.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- …  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Jace, stop.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Funny, you weren't saying that earlier, in fact you were saying quite the opposite ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- No seriously, I know your joking. But you know how protective Magnus gets XD  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I'M GOING TO SPRINT TO THE INSTITUTE, DECAPITATE YOU WITH A BUTTER KNIFE, FEED YOUR BRAINS TO CHURCH, AND THEN I'M GOING TO HANG YOUR DEAD BODY FROM A LAMPOST AS A WARNING.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- While your protectiveness is rather charming. Don't you think that's going too far? ;)

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Actually yes, you're right. I mean COME ON! Am I really going to sprint to the institute? I'll get my lovely Doc Martins dirty.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Change the word 'SPRINT' to a 'POWER-WALK'

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- FORMSPRING: What's the best memory you have of Isabelle Lightwood? ANSWER: When she leaves…haha…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Oh thanks! No homemade pineapple and gravy ice-cream for you!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh dear…what a shame…

_(Eric likes this)_

*(What If)*

Thank you for all the reviews me lovelies! And for that, I gave you an nice long chapter. I hope you like the two newbies. Luke and Eric. I really don't know why I choose them. Maybe because of Eric and his obsession of Loins? ;)

Have a great evening (Or day, depending on where you are)  
>And I hope my pals from across the North Atlantic Ocean are okay, I hope Irene passes soon. I give you all my love!<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: I got so many people asking me what Loins are XD XD XD Anyway, I'm here to help. Loins refer to the area below the ribcage, and above the hips. However, the word is now used as a euphemism for the crotch.  
>Man, that was awkward. But ONWARDS! I hope you like this chapter.<strong>

**And, I don't own Mortal Instruments.**

*(What If)*****

**Jackass Jace**- Great. Isabelle's got her 'Time-Of-The-Month' again...  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Eric-** Dude! That's epic. I didn't know sex on legs was a werewolf!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I'm talking about periods; you dolt.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Ah, that's good. I mean, wolves have stinky breath, and are hairy. That's a total turn off.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- ...  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Oh hi Maia...lovely weather.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- I'm going to hang you with your intestines.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Oh, look at the time, I really need to go bathe my loins…  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- LOL! Hey Guys! LOL  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- Bad timing?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- A tad.

*(What If)*

**Eric**- I've always fancied being a raper.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Interesting choice of career young man. But hey, whatever floats your boat. Just don't get caught.

_(Jackass Jace likes this)  
><em>**Eric**- I mean, all you have to do is talk really really fast. And it's the craze at the moment.

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'm not sure what kind of rape you're talking about. But it sounds interesting…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Do you want to be a rapper, Eric? XD  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- If not, then the terms rapist. Not raper.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Lol no!  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I meant rapper.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- With two p's  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Who knew grammar was so important ;)  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Besides, there no rape with me. The girls are attracted to me like a shiny new tube of lipstick.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Yeah…you keep thinking that…  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- Life isn't complete until you walk through an intensive care unit dressed as the Grim Reaper.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- I'm not even going to comment on that.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Too late! MWHAHAHA

*(What If)* 

**Jackass Jace**- Why on earth is there a pot of Parsley flakes in the kitchen that expired 16 years ago?  
>(<em>Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I'm going to put it in the bin.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- DON'T YOU DARE BLONDILOCKS!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- And give me a reason why I shouldn't?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- It's for emergencies!

**Jackass Jace**- Oh yes, in case there's a shortage of Parsley flakes. How heart wrenchingly tragic.  
><em>(Eric and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I cry as a recall the famous Parsley shortage of 1998!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- The meals were nothing without garnish.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Actually, I'll keep the parsley. It's the only edible thing in your food.

(_Clary Fray, Alexander Lightwood, Simon and 1 other person likes this)  
><em>**Isabelle Lightwood**- For that, I'm going to force feed you my snake and onion soup.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I'll kill you if you do.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>L<strong>- I'm am 97% sure you are Kira.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- …Who the hell are you? And who the heck is Kira?  
><strong>L<strong>- Hmm…interesting...sorry for the inconvenience, Do you have cake?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- what?  
><strong>L<strong>- I like cake.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> I don't even know you, Mysterious-One-Letter-Name. I don't give a trillion flying monkeys about the fact you like cake.  
><strong>L<strong>- I'd like some cake. Preferably strawberry shortcake. That would me nice. Or chocolate. Mello ate my last bar.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Err…  
><strong>L<strong>- Cake please.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- We have a piece of Honey and seaweed cake Isabelle made half a year ago. I think it's behind the sofa, no one dares go near it.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**L**- I'll have to decline that offer.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Uh…Sure…  
><strong>L<strong>- Goodbye.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Bye…

Alexander Lightwood- What was that about? Did you know him?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Nope…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What if)*

**Baby-Alec Tales**- Sir Malcolm, I actually can't believe my mom! She won't let me get a pet elephant! Alexander Lightwood.  
><em>(Eric, Simon, Isabelle Lightwood and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'd like an elephant too ):  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- We could have one at our wedding.

**Alexander Lightwood-** Sure :)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I want it to be pink.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- With a Mohawk  
><em>(Alexander lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Luke Garroway**- LOL! I'm thinking of getting a tattoo! What should I get done?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and Eric like this)<br>_**Eric**- Get 'Can't touch this!' tattooed on your loins.  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- I'll have a thing about that…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Have a credit card tattooed on your forehead, and then you'll be attractive to the female gender.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- hey!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay, the female gender, excluding Clary, including Magnus.

*(What If)*

**Simon**- I've got a few hours to kill…what to do…what to do…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Find an OCD person; give them a bowl of Alphabet spaghetti; then film it.  
><em>(Simon and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Simon-** I'm not as evil as you.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Simon** to **Eric**- Hello Zitzilla.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Zitzilla?  
>Simon- He's got a zit the size of America on the end of his nose. And we've got a gig in two days XD<br>**Clary Fray**- Poor thing! Don't be so mean Simon.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Yeah!  
><strong>Simon<strong>- But it is one heck of a zit.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I'm not denying that.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- I mean, seriously. I'm surprised that it hasn't grown a brain and started talking – it's that big.  
><em>(Jace likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Fine, why don't you just sing it to the world!  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Eric, the zit nosed teen; Has a very zitty nose; And if you ever saw him; You'd even say it grows.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Jackass Jace, Simon and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Eric**- Thanks Magnus…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- All of the other band members; Used to laugh and call him names; The zit never left poor Eric; Who was overcome with shame.  
><em>(Simon, Alexander Lightwood Clary fray and 3 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- …  
><em>(Clary Fray and Simon like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Then one dreary New York day; Eric sat and prayed; "You ugly zit that likes to fright"; "Please can you go tonight?"  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Then all the girlies loved him; They all swarmed around like bees; Because Eric the zit nosed teenager; Was now zit and blemish free.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Thanks. That really made me feel better.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Eric, Raphael and 7 other people like this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Alexander Lightwood**- I don't get why people go to McDonalds, and then they have a salad. It doesn't make sense!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I know! It's like going to a prostitute, and asking for a hug.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>**  
>L<strong>- Cake?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- It's you again!  
><strong>L<strong>- Indeed. Do you have cake?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- For goodness sake! Leave us alone! Do I look like a freaking bakery?  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Alexander Lightwood**- You don't happen to have two rolls of packaging tape, woodglue, roughly 15 pins and a hammer. Do you?  
><em>(Clary Fray and Simon like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Why?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…no reason…  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Check in what was my old room, I think I left the tool box in there.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Found the box.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Remember! Put everything back!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- HOLYMAKERAL! THERE'S A GAY PORN MAGAZINE UNDER THE TOOL BOX! YOU MUST HAVE LEFT IT HERE!  
><em>(Simon, Eric, Raphael and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- WHAT!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hah, only joking ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I hate you.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Isabelle Lightwood**- CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY MY DOOR IS COVERED IN DUCKTAPE, WHILE THE HUGE HOLE IN THE MIDDLE IS FILLED WITH HALF-DRIED GLUE, THAT'S DRIPPING ON MY CARPET, AND RUINING EVERYTHING!  
><em>(Eric, Simon, Clary Fray and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- It was Alec and his gay porn! It wasn't me!

**Isabelle Lightwood**- I KNOW IT'S YOU JACE! IT CAN'T BE ALEC SINCE HE WAS OUT WITH ME AND MAGNUS ALL DAY. SO, CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY THERE'S A HOLE IN MY DOOR BIG ENOUGH FOR A FREAKING ELEHPANT TO WALK THROUGH. HUH? HUH? I WANT A PERFECTLY LOGICAL REASON WHY MY DOOR RESEMBLES A BIT OF DRIFTWOOD WITH HINDGES!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It wasn't me!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- IT WASN'T ME! IT WASN'T ME! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH….WHINDGE WHINDGE WHINDGE…BLAH…BLAH…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay, fine. I was doing target practice, and I slipped on the floor. And then I kinda fell through your door.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- It's your fault though. The floor wouldn't of been so slippery if you hadn't of polished the wood last evening.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Ooh! Take that! And Alec gave me the supplies!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- You asked for them.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Your hottie of a sister confuses me. Are you sure you two are related?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I think about that sometimes, too.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- And my Loins are telling me that she may be a tad angry.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**That's it guys! :D  
>Thank you for all those lovely reviews –they made me post up this chapter ultra quick :D :D<strong>

**Here's the Zit Song by Magnus (I spent ages writing that!):**

**Eric, the zit nosed teen;  
>Has a very zitty nose;<br>And if you ever saw him;  
>You'd even say it grows.<strong>

**All of the other band members;  
>Used to laugh and call him names;<br>The zit never left poor Eric;  
>Who was overcome with shame.<strong>

**Then one dreary New York day;  
>Eric sat and prayed;<br>"You ugly zit that likes to fright";  
>"Please can you go tonight?"<strong>

**Then all the girlies loved him;  
>They all swarmed around like bees;<br>Because Eric the zit nosed teenager;  
>Was now zit and blemish free.<strong>

**It was fun, re-writing the poem XD  
>And if you haven't guessed already, it was based on the 'Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer'<br>**

**I hope you liked this chapter! :D**


	18. Chapter 18

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray**- Last night was the best night of my life ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Eric and 4 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Get some!

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Play it safe! I don't want any of Jace's DNA being released into the world. One's enough.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jocelyn Fray**- You have some explaining to do, young lady.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Mum!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- It isn't what it sounds like.  
><strong>Jocelyn Fray<strong>- I knew that blonde Justin Bieber was a bad influence.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hey! Honestly! I love your daughter, and I wouldn't dream of hurting her.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- And I'm much sexier than Bieber-Boy.  
><strong>Jocelyn Fray<strong>- I don't trust you, especially with the screen name 'Jackass Jace' despite the fact it fits you perfectly.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Wow! You just got owned by your girlfriends mum! That's epic.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Mum, please. Nothing happened last night, apart from a movie and popcorn. If you don't believe me, ask Alec. He was there with us at one point.  
><strong>Jocelyn Fray<strong>- Alec! Alec! There's another boy apart from Jace. Clarissa Fairchild, I did not bring you up to act like this.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Why am I always being brought into things.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Because you're socially awkward?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jocelyn Fray<strong>- Is this the Alec? Just you and Jace wait until I have a very serious talk with Maryse.  
><strong>Jocelyn Fray-<strong> Wait...  
><strong>Jocelyn Fray<strong>- Your that boy whose dating the high warlock.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Nice to see I've made a lasting impression...  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Yes mum! See, why would I 'fool' around with a guy who makes a spring look straight? – no offense Alec. I didn't do anything with Jace last night. I merely watched Inception with them, last night, while eating toffee popcorn.  
><strong>Jocelyn<strong>- Sorry. I'm just protective.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- We gathered that.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- I have a sudden, overwhelming urge to…(Finish sentence) ;)

_(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary fray, Eric and 3 other people like this)_  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Buy me chocolate, a car, and a new mobile phone?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Fart?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Get a bikini wax?  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Tattoo a picture of a cat on your forehead?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Simon like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Get a sex change?  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Eric, Simon and 4 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Alexander Lightwood**- Hello, my name is Alexander; and my boyfriend is the hottest thing created! :D  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- He's such a sexy beast.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Eric like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- I love him so much that I'm going to make him a cup of hot chocolate, take it upstairs, run a bubbly bath for him, and light rose scented candles.  
><em>(Maia and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- My darling boyfriend is much smarter than me, I mean, who clicks the 'remember password' box under their facebook login.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- But I'm still going to run a bubbly bath for that fine piece of man-candy!  
><em>(Maia likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**-…Yes Magnus, I get your point.

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace**- I'm on a poking fest: POKE POKE POKE  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Simon**- *POKEMON *POKEMON *POKEMON  
><em>(Maia likes this)<br>_**Simon-** GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!  
><em>(Maia likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Thanks for that…  
><strong>Simon-<strong> No problem. Just spreading the fun :)  
><em>(Eric and Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I keep hearing creepy noises from under my bed, I'm seriously waiting for a pack of hungry half-decayed zombies to come out and eat my face and then tons of baby warlock/shadowhunter hybrids to break out of my rib cage and eat my glitter.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- …  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- …I seriously worry about you sometimes.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- …Sleep on the couch?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I can't I'm planning on getting lucky with your brother tonight, and I can't do that on the couch with Chairman Meow watching. That cat's such a perv.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and Chairman Meow like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Ew, to much information. I don't want to know what to get up to with Alec in your bedroom. Or the freaky fetish's your cat has.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- We aren't going to get up to anything tonight if those noises don't stop.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Maybe it's an army of vampire cockroaches?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'd actually prefer the half-decayed zombies.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ah…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Don't worry guys, it's just a rat.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- A RAT!  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- It's like, the size of a horse!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Well, not literally, that wouldn't be possible.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- It's dead now, I just pushed Alec off the bed onto it.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Jackass Jace, Eric and 4 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Made an awful splat noise.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- The rat?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- No, your brother ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Alexander Lightwood**- I kinda regret agreeing to feed Chairman Meow from now on, seeing as Magnus always forgets. The cat now looks at me as if I'm its drug dealer or something; I'm scared to go in the kitchen.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Luke Garroway, Eric and 6 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- I can't believe how hot my boyfriend is! :D  
><em>(Simon, Clary Fray and Eric likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Oh…Did you get a new one then?  
><em>(Clary Fray, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Maia and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Simon**- I'm going to pretend I didn't read that, Blondie.  
><em>(Eric, Alexander Lightwood, Maia and 7 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** likes the pages **The awkward moment when Harry turns up in your fireplace** and **Did you know Dolphins are just gay sharks?**

*(What If)*

**Maia**- I'm simply curious. But what do you guys think you'll be doing in 10 years time? :)  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Married, hopefully. Maybe with a child? ;)  
><strong>Jocelyn Fray<strong>- Children! You will not be breeding, you're still a child yourself.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I'll be in the Guinness World Book Of Records for having the most amazing hair in history. Also, I'd be married to my wonderful girlfriend.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Aww!  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I reckon I'd be living on benefits, and sharing my one bedroom flat with 80 cats and a ferret. Also, I'd have an endless supply of hot girls, and they'd also call me "Master" and obey my every need.

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Okay, your "10 years time" thing started off strange, had a serious mindfuck in the middle when you mentioned the cats, ferrets, and hot girls. And then it sounded like a bad 90's porno made on a $1 budget by the end.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Clary Fray, Simon and 4 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Anyway, in 10 years time. I'd be married to darling Alexander, adopt a child? I'd have lots of glitter, be planning the Clace wedding. I'd also invent a new colour, called SexyMagnus, and force Alexander to have a stripe of the new SexyMagnus colour on his fringe. Hmm…what else…I'd get another tattoo, and there will be a date in the calendar, called 'Obey Magnus' where everyone has to kiss my feet and bring me chilled glasses of Verte Absinthe(1)  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Maia like this)<br>_**Simon**- I swear that vile excuse for alcohol is banned.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- And I refuse to kiss your feet.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Maia like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I've got nice feet. They smell like strawberries. :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I don't care what kind of edible object they smell like, I'm not making out with your hairy feet.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Thanks for making me gag on my sandwich with that statement, Jace.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Actually, you're quite right Jace. I don't want to put my NON HAIRY feet through the torture of having your pie hole near them.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Oh dear…here we go again…  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- My mouth is amazing, isn't it Clary.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It can do wonders.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ew.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- ;)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ew x2. Thanks for that vomit inducing mental image.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- No problem Magnus McSparkles.  
><strong>Maia-<strong> You two are always arguing.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- It's merely…friendly banter.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Friendly Banter my arse. You just like to wind me up.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Pretty much.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I hate you.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- 'Hate' is such a strong word, I prefer 'strongly dislike' ;)

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray**- Claaaaarrrrryyyyy….

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray**- ….

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray**- ….

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray**- …  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- What.  
><em>(Eric and Simon like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Can you make me a sandwich?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Are you serious?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Yeah.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- You twisted your ankle; you didn't get mauled by a blood thirsty shark. Didn't you put a Iratz on it, anyway? And why are you asking me this through facebook, when I'm in my room, and you're in the living room?  
>(<em>Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- It still hurts, and my throat hurts too, I can't shout down the hall to ask you. Please, pretty please…please…please…I want a sandwich.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- And I want Alec in my bed, preferably naked; A glass of pink champagne; And a pair of rainbow DocMartins. But, you don't see me complaining, do you? ;)  
><em>(Maia likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Go away McSparkles. Please Clary….pleaseeeeee…..pleasssssseeeeeee….  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Fine.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- :)  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Who bets ten bucks that she's going to spit in there.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I'm in.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I'm actually so bored, seriously. At least this superhero name generator is keeping me amused.  
><em>(Simon, Eric and Clary Fray like this)<em>  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Oi, send me the link in inbox.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Done :D  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Mine's 'The Incredible Mime'  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Maia and Eric like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- The Astonishing Surfer ;)  
><em>(Simon and Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Mine doesn't even make sense, my superhearo name will NOT be The Unpleasant Samurai  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- You're going to hate me Isabelle…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Mine's The Super-Intelligent Samurai :D :D :D  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- The Irresistible Surfer?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Mmm…you sure are…Well…minus the surfer part, swap that bit with 'Emo'  
><strong>Maia<strong>- I've got 'The Amphibious Chameleon'  
><em>(Simon, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and 13 other people like this)<br>_**Eric**- My superhero name is The Radioactive Liberator. Sweet, my loins tingle in happiness :)  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Firstly; Ew! Eric! Secondly; What the hell, why on earth is mine The Awesome Worm…?  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Maia likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Because you're a worm? ;)  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- The Wild Inferno? No me gusta.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<em>- Ooh! I'm doing one on behalf of Chairman Meow and Church!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Okay, Chairman Meow's superhero name is The Fearless Candle. And Church's is The Irresistible Crusader.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Chairman Meow, Church and 6 other people like this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Isabelle Lightwood**- It's freezing! It's like, minus 250 outside!  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Chairman Meow and Maia like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- That's highly unlikely, Iz.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- If it was that cold, the heels of your shoes would be brittle, and break. And you'd be wearing…wait for it…wait for it…a padded coat!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>**  
>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- !  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- If it was that cold, the Russians would be very unhappy.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…Err…why?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Their Vodka would be frozen..  
><em>(Clary Fray and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Vodka Ice-Pops?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Speaking of the Russians, I'm trying to speak in a Russian accent. It's not working, seeing as it's coming out half-Welsh, half-Russian. Any help guys?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Why on earth are you trying to speak in a Russian accent?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- So I can pick up the girls with my sexy foreign voice, durr.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Drinking some Vodka might help you develop a Russian accent.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- So basically, Vodka is the cure for everying? ;)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Stop spamming my notifications people!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Eric, you need all the help you can get if you want to pick up the female gender. Jace, drinking Vodka will not help you get a Russian accent, it's the same as drinking tea will not give you a Cockney accent, and eating Turkish delight will not make you automatically Turkish. Lastly, Magnus, as lovely as alcohol is, it is not the cure for everything. You know that! Shopping and makeup is!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Are we done? Kapeesh?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Yes Ma'am.  
><em>(Simon and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Good. Now, only to more serious matters…Magnus, Magenta or hot pink? I'm not quite sure which eyeshadow colour would suit me best.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Magenta; defiantly. Barbie pink will make you look like the remains of a 60's prom night gone wrong.

*(What If)*

**Long wait, sorry about that. Norton Security died, so I had to install Uniblue Registry Booster, with no success. So now I've got AVG. Just a warning, Uniblue is the suckiest virus detector in the history of suckiest computer security softwares.**

**(1) Absinthe is a really, really strong alcohol (45-74% alcohol) that was banned in the 1920's. I don't know about the US, but in the UK the sale of absinthe was permitted in 2007. Did you know, that Andy Warhol (And other well-known artists) produced their most famous pieces of art while they were drunk on Absinthe.  
>It just seems the sort of thing Magnus would drink, him being all sparkly, creative and all that XD<strong>

**Anyway, I hope this chapter pleases my lovely readers!**  
><strong><br>(On a side note, there's this kid in my art class, who I sit next to – who I swear is what human Magnus would look like. I spent the hour fangirling over his black, glitter and sequin ankle boots)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I (Unfortunatly) don't own the Mortal Instruments.**

*(What If)*****

**Jackass Jace- **Lol, Alec just bent over and I could see the top of his sparkly pink boxers.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- *Waggles eyebrows*  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- What the heck! Omg! Delete this status now!  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood-** They're Magnus's!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- They are, actually…  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Sharing clothes now; Are we? ;)**  
>Jackass Jace- <strong>If anyones interested, it also said 'Cheeky Monkey' across the waistband.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood-** If you must know, Magnus threw away all my 'bland' clothing, including my boxers, so I had to borrow his for the time being. He refused to snap them back into my wardrobe.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Excuses Excuses...  
><strong>Raphael-<strong> Sorry to interupt, but why were you staring at his ass in the first place, Jace?  
><em>(Simon, Eric, Alexander Lightwood and 8 other people like this)<br>_**Clary Fray-** ^Epic win.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hang on a minute, you're meant to be on my side!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*  
><strong><br>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- So guys, Halloween's coming up, and we all know that means HOUSE PARTY! What are you guys coming as?  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and Church like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace-** Dude, Halloween's like ages away.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Shup up. What you coming as?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh! Okay…wait a minute; I've got a great idea! I'll each assign you a costume idea, depending on what number you pick. Okay. Pick a number from one to eight.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Two.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- 8  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- One! Because I'm number one!  
><strong>Simon<strong>- 4?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- 7 :D  
><strong>Raphael-<strong> 6 please.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Three :)  
><strong>Maia-<strong> Five.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Okay…well this is going to be amusing. Just to let you guys know, I'm going as Adam Lambert ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Here we go. Jace is going as Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Blue-Eyes is going to be a girl scout. Isabelle Lightwood is going to be a pizza delivery guy. Simon, you're going to be Salvador Dali. Eric, your Halloween costume is a sexy tooth fairy. Raphael is going to be Edward Cullen. Clary-dear, you're going as Lady Gaga. Last but not least, Maia, you're going as catwoman.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Do I have to be a girl scout? ):  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yes. You can come over now…if you like, we could…practice putting your outfit together? Alone… ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong>…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Cough-pedophile-Cough  
><em>(Simon, Clary Fray, Eric and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Raphael**- Mine has to be a joke, amigo.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- No joke :D Just bathe in glitter for a few days, that should do the trick.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Fan-Bloody-Tastic. Why the hell do I have to be the pizza delivery guy? They are so not sexy.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Your complaining! At least you're not Buffy!  
><strong>Eric-<strong> You've got the hair.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Eric's quite right, you know.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I hate you guys.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> For my Salvador Dali outfit, do I have to wear a tailored suit? :D  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Defiantly! You've also got to have the gelled hair, and gravity defying moustache. We all know that a curly moustache is going to get the girls ;)  
><em>(Simon, Eric, Isabelle Lightwood and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Raphael-** Did you purposely give me that sorry excuse for a vampire.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Edward Cullen's hot :D  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Raphael**- I refuse to sparkle.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Edward Cullen's hot!  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Raphael**- Do I have to find a ditzy girlfriend to complete the look? I'll ask Jace, he's ditzy, and looks like a girl.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Edward Cullen's hot…  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Raphael-** I'd rather dress up as a drag queen than that…that…monstruo  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- DON'T BITCH ABOUT EDWARD, HE'S A BABE!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Gosh! Don't get your fangs in a twist. You can go as a drag queen if you really want to ;)  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- On second thought…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- That's what I thought :D  
><em>(Jackass Jace like this)<em>

*(What If)*__

**Isabelle Lightwood**- I swear, if that boy's going to take me on another to ANOTHER date to Taki's, I'm going to kill him.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- You know you've been there one too many times when the waiter says "Ah, another date?"  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I can't help it; you know I used all my money to buy you those shoes.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I want Lobster! ):  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Fine, I'll try and think of a classier place we can go for a date, just because I love you…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…whipped…  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood-** Yay! :D

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray**- Can you get me a Starbucks coffee?  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Simon-** Make your own?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hello! Bit difficult when I'm out of coffee, and I've only got a half-mug of ice cold coffee left from my last Starbucks coffee.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Heat it up?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Can't, Izzy's got into this 'Save the environment' thing, and the only electrical item we can use is the hairdryer. Hence the reason why I'm on facebook using my prehistoric phone.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Wow, that sucks! Really!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- of course, why do you think I've been going round Clary's for dinner, and Alec's having a 'Prolonged Sleepover' at Magnus' – as he puts it.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- There's a way to heat up your coffee, without any electrical items :D  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What! How?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you'd produce enough sound energy to heat up your coffee ;)  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Thanks for that information, I'll just go file it under 'Shit I don't care about'  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Anyway, if the Hippie stage lasts the same amount of time that a pair of her Jimmy Choo's last. It'll be over in a couple of hours.

*(What If)*

**Jackass Jace** posted a new photo in the Album **Guess What This Is.  
><strong>_(Clary Fray, Alexander Lightwood, Maia and 6 other people like this)  
><em>**Eric**- Looks like the stuff that dogs leave on the paths. You know, that stuff you try not to step in, but it's like there's a magnet in it, and it attracts your shoes towards it. And before you know it. BAM! There's poop on your shoe.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Simon**- Is it the charred remains of all the demons you've killed?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Is it your soul? I mean, it's all black and decayed. Like someone's swept out the dust from a coal fire. ;)  
><em>(Simon and Eric like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Is that…horse manure…?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace and Maia like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Shall I tell you what it is?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Please :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Come on!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It's…  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Hurry up!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- According to Isabelle, its Steak with a strawberry ice-cream sauce, and a side helping of mashed haddock.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- That's your dinner! Your insides need a medal for putting up with all that crap!  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- That looks revolting ):  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- And tomorrow night, we're having roast Eric, with a side-helping pan fried Raphael…

*(What If)*

**Simon**- Do girls like it when you take them to McDonalds for a date? Serious question guys. I need something low-cost, but still classy.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Jackass Jace, Clary Fray and 6 other people like that)<br>_**Clary Fray**- From a girls perspective, I'd like it more if you got a kiddies meal, and shared it. I call dibs on the free toy though.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- I dunno, they might think you're trying to show off with your culinary excellence. I'd go for something more casual. Like a two-for-one offer on Wal-Mart readymeals.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Eric, Clary Fray and 1 other person likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Make sure you leave the reduced sticker on the ready meal, girls find it sexy when they know how much money you spend on them.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Raphael like this)<br>_**Eric**- Dude! You lot are cheap! I spend lots of money on my dates and invite them round for last night's leftovers.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Eric**- And if she IS the one, I might…just might…let her have a pot noodle for seconds. Now that's showing commitment.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray and Maia like this)<br>_**Eric**- Of course it can't be the Sweet And Sour flavour, that's more serious than tying the knot!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I have a slight feeling that Eric's serious…_  
>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><em><br>_*(What If)*

**Maia** is now single.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Maia sweetheart! What went wrong!  
><strong>Maia<strong>- He's a selfcentered ass.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Damn girl, you're coming over here right now, and we can have hot chocolate with whipped cream.  
><strong>Maia-<strong> I don't feel up to it.  
>Isabelle Lightwood- Don't we silly, come over. Clary and Jace are out, Magnus and Alec are just watching TV. They won't mind if we take up the other sofa.<br>**Maia**- …thanks :)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- MAIA BABY! I JUST HEARD THE NEWS! I can't believe he'd do that to a wonderful gal like you! I've magiced up some Chinese take-away, only the best for my little wolfie.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Sorry, if you hadn't guessed, that was Magnus, he's too lazy to get his ass from the sofa and log in. Heck, he's so lazy he can't even magic himself in!  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Oh guys, you don't have to do all that for me.  
><strong>Maia-<strong> But I'll be over in 10 minutes :)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Good, guys can be such idiots sometimes.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- I know! Do you know what he said? He said I was demanding, and jealous!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Really?  
><strong>Maia<strong>- I know, and then he said "You'll never find anyone like me again, you've missed your chance" just before he left.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Maia! You should of said "That's kinda the point" Back to him.  
><em>(Maia, Clary Fray and Simon likes this)<br>_  
>*(What If)*<p>

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- What the hell! I think Chairman Meow is trying to kill me. He nearly knocked my glass of water onto my toaster that Alec was using. And he keeps staring at the bread knives.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Simon like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Magnus! You really shouldn't have had that conversation with Alec about neutering poor Chairman while he was in the room. How would you like it if someone came along and tried to cut off your Ding-a-Ling?  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood-** Did you just say…Ding-a-Ling?...  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Ignore him, he's had like 5 Poptarts this morning.

*(What If)*

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Alexander Lightwood**- I miss you cutie, wanna come round?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- You've run out of Project Runway episodes to watch, haven't you?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<em>**  
>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Don't be silly! I just want to see the love of my life.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- You have, haven't you?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- ? xx  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Run out of episodes.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yes  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- But that's not the point.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Get your sexy little body over to my apartment now or I'll let Chairman have a little piddle in your boots.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I love you too.

*(What If)*

**Simon** to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Dude…is that a unicorn…on a lead, outside your apartment complex?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Yes, his name is Sprinkles. Why?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Uh…no reason…You've got a glamour on…Sprinkles…haven't you?  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-** Of course I have, to the outside world, he's Larry the Labrador, but to me, he's Mr. Sprinkles! The sparkly multicoloured unicorn.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I swear Alec had a fit last time you brought home a mystical creature?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I think Mr. Sprinkles will be friendlier than Mrs. Buttercup. Alec will love him.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- For the love of God…Who was Mrs. Buttercup?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Mrs. Buttercup was a Terrordactyl, somehow he'd managed to squish the poor thing into a bathroom.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- *sighs* My beloved never appreciates my exotic pets.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Why don't you get a goldfish like any sane person would, not a pet that'll either shred the skin off his face, or one that'll barf rainbows?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray likes this)<em>

*(What If)*

**Hey guys! Long time no…read? I'm terribly sorry for that, art homework is coursework!  
>On a plus side, I got the date for when I'm having the frame off my arm! I'm over the moon! It had to be delayed because the physiotherapist re-broke the new bone when she was meant to be stretching my muscles - I've refused to go back there.<br>But anyway, it's the 4****th**** of November, I'm counting down the days.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter; it came out kind of Magnus centric though, for some odd reason. I hope you guys don't mind.**

**(Ah, and I've fixed the poll about this facebook fanfic on my page, I mentioned it in the AN, but it didn't appear online. But it's fixed! :D)**

**Cheerio guys!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mortal Instruments, unfortunatly. But I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

***(What If)***

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Remember to put in 'Zumba Lessons' for the 12th into your diary. Love you babe xx  
><em>(Clary Fray and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- You seem to be embracing your inner-gay dear brother. Me Gusta.  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Magnusssssssss...I though I told you, I don't want to go do that Zumba thing. And shut up Iz.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I'm taking you with me whether you like it or not. No offence darling, but you dance like a worm that's caught on sticky tape.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Clary Fray like this)<br>__**  
><strong>_***(What If)***

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Wow! I just had some sherbet! I think I'm going a bit hyper XD I feel like I could fly.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Then do us a favour, go jump out a window and fly to the ground.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- That's mean.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Exactly, at least Eric's nice.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I mean, that's a waste of some good eye-candy. It's not everyday you find someone with legs like THAT ;D  
><strong>Simon<strong>- This is my girlfriend you're talking about…ya know…  
><em>(Eric and Jackass Jace like this)<em>

***(What If)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Jace's been annoying all morning, his arse hasn't even left the sofa yet.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It's called being tired, darling.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- It's called be lazy.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Ah…you two squabble like an old married couple.  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Is that the chimes of the church bells and the tapping of walking sticks I can hear?  
><em>(Simon and Chairman Meow like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- No, that's the noise of your last breath; If you don't shut the hell up.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Shesh, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- I think that was Church.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Church had a little tinkle in your cornflakes this morning, he leapt up on the breakfast counter, Izzy tried to tie a bow around his neck and he kinda got scared and relieved himself in your breakfast bowl.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>

**Jackass Jace-** Seriously?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Does Alec ever joke?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Ugh! Why didn't you guys tell me! I ATE that! That's just…ugh! I'm going to rinse my mouth out!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood and Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric-<strong>…  
><strong>Eric-<strong>…Did that really happen?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Do you really think so?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Man, that guy is so gullible.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Why must you guys fill up my status with random comments?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- On a side note, you got Jace's arse off the sofa and to the bathroom, thanks.  
><strong><br>*(What If)*  
><strong>

**Jackass Jace **is now **single  
>Clary Fray- <strong>W…What!****

***(What If)***

**Jackass Jace **is in a** complicated relationship **with **Eric.  
>Eric- <strong>Hang on…why don't I know about this?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>**  
>Clary Fray- You're <strong>gay! Is that why you broke up with me! I can't believe you Wayland. And you did it through facebook, lame!  
><strong>Jackass Jace- <strong>Wait! What! I didn't do this!  
><strong>Jackass Jace- <strong>Hang on a minute…  
><strong>Jackass Jace- <strong>Magnus! For goodness sake! Stop messing around with my facebook profile!  
><em>(Clary Fray, Simon and Eric like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- **What can I say, I'm a bored warlock and I've got magic :)**  
>Clary Fray- <strong>Phew, for a minute there I thought you wanted to break up with me through facebook.

**Jackass Jace- **Of course not! I love you!  
><strong>Clary Fray- <strong>I love you too.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Aww; How sweet, I've just vomited a little in my mouth.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Wait…So I'm not in a complicated relationship?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>****

***(What If)***

**Simon**- My lap hurts ):  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Isabelle been sitting on your lap again? That girl weighs more than a Fork-Lift truck.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Go die fatty! I'm not that heavy.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Fatty? You've hurt my feelings.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Uh…Yeah…  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Isabelle dropped her tea on my lap, while it was still boiling hot! Ouch!  
><strong>Eric<strong>- You know what they say; Nothing says "I love you" quite like second degree burns.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_  
><strong>*(What If)*<strong>

**Isabelle Lightwood** to **Clary Fray**- Hey! You wanna meet up and go shopping with me?  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Mag's will be there too.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood-** I saw a super-cute dress the other day! It would look fabulous on you! OMG! Magnus could like, do your hair and makeup.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Yeah, whatever. I'll go.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Good God! Try not to kill us with your enthusiasm.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong><br>*(What If)***

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- People are like slinkies, they're useless – but fun to push down stairs.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Alexander Lightwood, Maia and 1 other person likes this)<br>_**Simon**- Okay…uh…random…

***(What If)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Jace and Alec! I hate you guys!  
><em>(Maia likes this)<br>_**Simon**- Oh dear…what did they do this time.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I saw them throwing my lovely homemade lunch in the bin! I spent ages making those burgers!  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- No offense Iz…but they were a little greasy.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- 'A little greasy'! The grease was so thick you could use it to hang wallpaper up.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Well, I thought they were nice.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Sorry, I didn't particularly want a big slab of heart-attack squashed between two pieces of bread drier than the Sahara.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Actually, I'm surprised the burger didn't have a heart attack itself.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Inhaling air from the same room as those burgers clogged my arteries.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Okay, okay. I get it…you don't like my burgers. Next time I'll make my chicken and chocolate lasagna.

***(What If)***

**Jackass Jace** tagged **Alexander Lightwood** in the picture **Voodoo-Doll  
>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hey; Do you think my voodoo-doll looks enough like Simon to work?  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- I guess.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Close enough, your voodoo doll's a bit too good-looking though ;) ;) ;)  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Go jump off a cliff Wayland, you're just jealous that I won our game of poker. You fail.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Like your dad's condom?  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- ^And that, children, is what you call an 'Internet-Troll'  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Simon, Clary Fray and 5 other people like this)<em>

***(What If)***

**Eric**- Hardly anyone likes my Status's, I feel so unloved…Some people can just put up irrelevant things like 'Lol, I just ate a flapjack' or 'I like cats' and they get tons of likes.  
><strong><br>*(What If)***

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I like cats. :)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Maia, Luke Garroway and 94 other people like this)<em>

***(What If)***

**Eric**- Hello…Can someone at least like my status? 

***(What If)***

**Eric**- ):  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Finally! Someone likes my status! I hate it when people just ignore your posts.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ikr! It happens to me all the time!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood, Clary Fray, Jackass Jace and 19 other people like this)<br>_**Eric**-…  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Something wrong?  
><em>(Simon, Chairman Meow, Church and 10 other people like this)<em>

***(What If)***

**Jackass Jace**- I've got such a great joke! :D  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Go on then; Tell us.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Knock Knock  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- Whose there?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Jace.  
><strong>Luke Garroway<strong>- Jace, who?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Gosh! Your Alzheimer's is getting worse.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_**Luke Garroway**- I'm not that old )':  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Look, you've made him cry now. Poor lil Lukey, was Jacey being mean to you?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- You lot have wwaayy too much time on your hands.  
><strong><br>*(What If)***

**Simon**- Somebody write a SCARY tale – you know, since it's nearly Halloween and I want to get in the mood.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and 4 other people like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- ?  
><strong>Clary Fray-<strong> I'm not good at telling scary tales – sorry ):  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Isabelle just has to tell the story about her most recent shopping trip – that'll scare us for life.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Halloween's ages away XD  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Well, I'm looking forward to it.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Actually, I want to hear a scary story from someone who you'd least expect to tell a scary story.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- Hmm…Someone like Alec?  
><em>(Simon, Jackass Jace, Clary Fray and 2 other people like this)<br>_**Simon**- Yeah!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- That'd be epic, I'd pay him to tell us a scary story..  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Me too XD  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- W-what! Why me?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Sorry Al, you're my unsuspecting victim. Humour me with your scary story.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- And what if I refuse?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Do you want a Mohawk? ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Fine.  
><strong>Clary Fray-<strong> Yes, story time :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Go on dear brother; Start with the story.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Uh…Once upon a time…

**Eric-** That's a lame start  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong> - Shut up, you do know the scariest thing he's watched is America's Next Top Model – Right?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- As I was saying. Once upon a time…there was this ugly…err…thing, called Jace.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Hey!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- And this Jace thing was like…really really hungry. So he ate Clary.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- )':  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- But Clary was cool, so she chopped Jace's head off with a…uhh…um…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Butter knife?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Yeah! A butterknife. But Jace still wasn't dead – and his body was doing this kind of weird spasm thing, and there was blood everywhere. When suddenly…a…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- A rabid squirrel?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- …Uh…okay…a rabid squirrel flew in threw the window and stole Jace's head, so it had something to eat over winter. Wait! Squirrels don't hibernate do they? Otherwise that would completely mess up my plot.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- It's okay, they don't hibernate. I Googled it.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Whatever…continue.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Oh yeah…well, after the squirrel stole Jace's head, Clary…um…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Had a bath, because she got blood on her. We all know that we need to look our best, even when fighting off half-dead boyfriends.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Okay, so after Clary had a bath, she put her (Still spasming) headless, boyfriends body in the freezer.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Jesus! How big is that freezer!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Very big. Clary uhh…likes her frozen vegetables.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Anyway, like I was saying; Jace froze in the freezer. Because that's what freezers do, they freeze stuff. Hmm…Clary kept his body in there for…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Three years.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Three years!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- And two days.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Well, his body was in there for three years and two days. On…a Tuesday – Clary was having her best friends…Eric and Simon over.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Oh yes, I have a cameo!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- And Clary wanted to get rid of the body. So she cooked up Jace's body into a soup (Let's call it Ego Soup) and fed the bones to her dog, Luke Garroway. But she gave Simon and Eric the soup. They really liked it and ate it all, saying that it tasted like chicken.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Mmm…Yummy… ):  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- The. End.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- That tale was thrilling.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- That's because you weren't the rapid half-dead boyfriend who had their head stolen by a squirrel, had their body stored in a freezer with the frozen sweetcorn, and eventually – had the rest of his body consumed by Eric and Simon.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Correction, it was the squirrel who was rabid. You were the ugly thing. Don't mess up my story, it'll confused my doting readers.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Gee, thanks…  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Thanks for the story…I wouldn't say that I'm scared (More like, wondering if I should be worried about your mental health) But…err…thanks.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- No problem :)  
><em>(Clary Fray, Maia and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>

***(What If)***

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I'm over the moon :D :D :D  
>jmads, your review made me laugh – It was so long and ramdom! Don't worry, that's not a bad thing!<strong>

**Gosh, I haven't been in the MI fandom for ages. I delved into the Bleach and Hetalia area for a while, just thinking "Hmmm…Just one story" But before you know it, you've read 5 stories and an hour's passed by. But, on the plus side – there are lots of new, marvelous stories in the Mortal Instruments section :)**

**I hope you liked this chapter.**

**Have a good Morning/Day/Evening/Night (Whatever it is where you are)**


	21. Facebook And Other Shenanigans

**AN: Sorry for the late upload. I had this chapter all written out a few weeks ago, and literally, just before I was going to post it up. My laptop wanted to do a disk-cleanup. So I left it doing that while I went out, I came back and found that it had entirely wiped my laptop clean of all my documents, music, pictures. I've caught and killed the virus, luckilly. So, here's you **_**very **_**late chapter, I'm terribly sorry for the wait.  
>Also, just wondering, but has anyone had any trouble with the fanfiction messaging? I'm happily messaging with other fanfiction users, and then when I send something the other person doesn't get the message. And it seems like I'm ignoring them. I'm not, it's just the fanfiction messaging :P<br>Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, sorry for any spelling mistakes. I did double check, but there is a chance that some might have slipped past.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mortal Instruments. If I did, another actor would be playing Jace in the movie.**

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Alexander Lightwood**- It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A. It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A. They have everything for you men to enjoy, You can hang out with all of the boys.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Simon and Eric like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Make Me Walk, Make Me Talk, Do Whatever You Please. I Can Act like A Star, I Can Beg On My Knees. Come Jump In, Be My Friend, Let Us Do It Again. Hit The Town, Fool Around, Let's Go Party.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Simon and Eric like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Alexander Lightwood**- I'm sexy and I know it. Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle.  
><em>(Simon, Clary Fray and Eric like this)<br>_  
><strong>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*<strong>

**Alexander Lightwood**- My milkshake brings all the warlocks to the yard, and they're like; it's better than yours. Yeah right, it's better than yours. I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I love the change in lyrics.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_  
><strong>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*<strong>

**Alexander Lightwood**- Mmmm, there's nothing better than a nice big tuna and spider smoothie in the morning.  
><em>(Eric and Maia like this)<br>_  
><strong>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*<br>**  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I love how my news feed is full up with someone posting through Alec's account. Whoever they are have an awesome sense of humour.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray, Eric and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- I think it's obvious whose fraped his account XD  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Noted. ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<br>_  
><strong>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*<strong>

**Alexander Lightwood**- I love you Eric ;) You're such a sexy piece of man beef.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Eric**- Oh Alexander! I didn't know you were keeping these stupendous feelings within you!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I simply cannot keep them within any longer Eric, I love you with all my heart, soul and mind!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Alec's going to be pissed when he comes back from Taki's  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Alexander Gideon Lightwood! I have something to say!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Yes, my darling?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> I love you! ;)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Crap, what shall I say now?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Keep with the fake bromance Jace! Idk, say "I love you" back, or…I know…Something horribly cheesy.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh Eric, this sudden announcement has made my heart halt in my chest! I'm feeling faint.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Don't hurt yourself my little buttercup. Come over to my house and become one with mother Russia.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Err, what the hell…But…okay…Oh Eric! But I have Magnus to think about!  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Forget Magnus my darling, we can finally be together.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh crap in a bucket. Alec's back. Nobody tell him I did it.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Hate to break it to you, but Eric mentioned your name back there…  
><em>(Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Recommendation: Hide. Fast.

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong> to **Jackass Jace**- I hate you.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon and 9 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Whatever do you mean, dear brother of mine?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I hate you. Not in the 'I hate you' way, but the 'I'm actually going to use your internal organs as cat-food' way. Did you know that mum checked out facebook to make sure we weren't up to something! I had to explain to her that: No, I'm not listening to inappropriate songs. No, I'm not dating Eric. And No, I don't think that he's a 'Sexy piece of man beef'  
><em>(Clary Fray and Simon like this)<br>_**Eric**- You don't love me? :'(  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- No  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Why don't you change your password? Stop Jace getting into your account.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Slightly difficult when you have a warlock for a boyfriend who uses his powers to change your password to things like 'Malec4Ever' and 'Sparkles Are Cool' and somehow, my Jace still manages to get into my account. I think they're teaming up.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Isabelle Lightwood** likes the page **We All Know A Short Person.  
><strong>_(Jackass Jace likes this)_  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Hey!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It's not called short, it's funsized ;)  
><strong><br>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane** posted a picture in the album **Chairman Meow's Christmas Outfit.  
><strong>_(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and Maia like this)  
><em>**Isabelle Lightwood**- Awww!  
><em>(Clary Fray and Maia like this)<br>_**Maia**- I have to admit, that is rather cute.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood and Eric like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Dude…is that Chairman Meow under all that tinsel? I surprised he can still breathe.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Of course, what else would it be considering its named CHAIRMAN MEOW's Christmas 2012. A llama? My pet Donkey Pablo?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> I like donkeys. :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Gosh! What have I done wrong?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- You're such an idiot.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Oh Frickety Frack. Not this again. Quick, we need a diversion.  
><em>(Maia and Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Don't worry, I've got it._  
><em>**Isabelle Lightwood**- Church just vomited in your shoes, Jace. Just thought I'd let you know.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What! Again!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Now he's hacked up a furball on your stele.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Be back online in a min guys.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Success.  
><em>(Clary Fray and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Jackass Jace**- Ugh! Has anyone seen the thing?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon<strong>- The thing?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Yeah, Maryse told me clean the living room with this thing. But I can't remember what she said. She's left the house and is back in an hour, she said she'll skin me alive if it isn't spotless.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> The only 'The Thing' I know of is the 1982 film about a shape-shifting alien that torments a group of Scientists in the Antarctic by assuming the appearance of the people that it kills. It's a rather good film; it got a rating of 8.2 out of 10.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I highly doubt Maryse would want me to clean the living room with a Shape-Shifting alien…  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Simon-** A common household cleaning device is a hover.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- That's it! A hover. For once in your puny life, you've done something useful.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Simon-** …Thanks…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wait a minute, is a hover meant to make that strange whirring noise?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Maia, Alexander Lightwood and 6 other people like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Your room is spotless, yet you don't know how to work a hover…? What do you use to clean your room?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- A toothbrush.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Seriously?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Of course, the little bristles get into every nook and cranny. It works especially well if you dip it in some WD40 and rub it onto the door lock – Helps prevent it from getting rusty and hard to turn.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- So, you have a spare toothbrush that you use?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I think so, it's white with a little pink stripe down the side.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- THAT'S MY FREAKING TOOTHBRUSH YOU IDIOT! GO DIE! GO DIE NOW!  
><em>(Simon, Eric, Maia and 3 other people like this)<br>__**  
><strong>_***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Babycakes**- Magnus :(  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Raphael and 7 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I know you secretly love your new name.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Babycakes ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Your names rather….uhh….  
><strong>Babycakes-<strong> horrible, horrific, disgusting, vomit-worthy, awful, gross, repulsive…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Girly. It's even girlier than Justin Bieber and a basket full of kittens combined.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Clary Fray likes this)<br>_**Simon-** Babycakes is the name of a film created in 1989.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> It's about an overweight mortuary cosmetician who falls in love with a guy called Rob, a handsome subway train conductor who doesn't even know she exists.  
><strong>Simo<strong>n- It only got a rating of 5. A Pretty crap rating to be honest.  
><strong>Babycakes<strong>- Thanks. That really makes me feel better.

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Isabelle Lightwood**- I think I've got a cold :(  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Aww, bless your little Wal-Mart cotton-poly blend socks. Do you want some warm chicken soup? Rose scented tissues? A snuggly blanket.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- You have Rose scented tissues?  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- If I wasn't feeling so crap, I would've dumped you in a bath of boiling water for that comment.  
><em>(Simon, Eric and Raphael like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Isabelle Lightwood**- Should I make a Christmas Cake this year?  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Eric, Raphael and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace-** Please don't.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Your opinion doesn't count. Last year when I made one, you said it was horrible.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- That's because it WAS horrible.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Back me up here Alec! I'll text him to get his arse on facebook.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Alec loves my homemade cakes.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I can't really join in at the moment, I'm busy…errr…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Sorry, I'm busy stripping him of his clothes at the moment, I'll return him when we're finished.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Thanks for the mental image, Bane. Oh! And you've changed your name back Alec. Didn't you like Babycakes? ;).  
><em>(Maia likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Anyway. Do. Not. Make. A. Christmas. Cake. Please.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I don't want the lower half to drop of my beautiful face, thank you. I smelt that vile soup you were making last night and now everything smells of gunpowder.  
><em>(Raphael and Maia like this)<br>_  
><strong>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*<strong>

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I just brought a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes for $600. I think I've got a special talent.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- You. Did. Not!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Of course I did darling; I used my sexy exotic charm and my black haired arm candy to get a discount. I'm the Queen of shopping.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- $600. You've got to be kidding me. I wouldn't pay anything more than $50 for mine…  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- That's because you're not as fabulous as I am.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I've got a special talent for picking out bargains.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> I've got a talent. :D  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Really? Care to share with us.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> I can make cake and soda disappear faster than a speeding bullet, does that count?  
><em>(Simon, Jackass Jace and Raphael like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- I can eat 7 hotdogs in a minute. ;)  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Eric-** Wow!  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Once I successfully managed to convince Iz that Pineapples grew on Pine trees.  
><em>(Eric and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Simon-** And that you have to grow Watermelons in a gigantic fish tank, otherwise it would just be a normal Melon. XD  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> How badass.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Alexander Lightwood** to **Isabelle Lightwood**- Mmm, Dinner smells good :)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I haven't started cooking yet. So therefore it doesn't smell like my cooking…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- That probably explains it.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Jackass Jace** to **Raphael**- I love you babe. You're beautiful, and I thought your hair looked lovely today – Tie up in a cute ponytail.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Raphael-** I have a girlfriend, amigo. And my hair isn't long enough to tie up.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Holy Crap! I meant to send that to Clary. Ignore me Raphael – I'm not into Spanish vampires…errr…or guys for that matter. I'll leave that to Alec and Magnus.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Oh Jace, you're so cute when you're flustered.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Well, I do try.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I'm so lucky to have such handsome boyfriend.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- And I'm so lucky to have such a stunning girlfriend.  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- Not this again…  
><em>(Simon and Eric like this)<br>_**Raphael**- Their sappy conversation is giving me a cavity. With a vampire for a girlfriend, it's none of this romantic crap, the conversation between me and Lavinia mainly consists of "This blood tastes a little tangy, how old is it?" or "I think my fangs a little blunt, can I test them out on your arm to see how sharp they are?" and finally "Do you want to have a romantic date down at the graveyard tonight? I'll bring the candles and blanket"  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Simon likes this)<br>_**Eric-** Ah, true love.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- You know the love is real when instead of having those fancy 'Wine-Tasting' sessions, you have 'Blood-Tasting' sessions.  
><em>(Raphael likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Painting the bathroom the old fashioned way :D  
><em>(Clary Fray, Maia, Raphael and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Maia-** The Old-Fashioned way?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- With a paintbrush, minus the magic :)  
><em>(Maia likes this)<br>_**Maia-** Ah, sounds like fun.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I can't imagine you up on those stepladders painting the walls, I'm surprised you're not scared about getting paint on your clothes.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Technically, I'm not painting.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Alec's doing the dirty work because Chairman Meows litter scoop costs more than his entire outfit. I'm sat on the toilet handing him paintbrushes and wiping paint from his face. I like watching him struggle.  
><strong>Jackass Jace- <strong>Sadist. Also, I do hope the toilet seat is down.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Of course.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Alec's got paint in his hair and it looks rather good. I'm defiantly going to persuade him to get a lime green streak.  
><strong>Raphael-<strong> You're painting your bathroom lime green? Estás Loquito?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I thought bathrooms were meant to be painted calming colours…  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> I mean, you go in there use the toilet, and it's like your relieving yourself in a giant slab of lime jello…  
><em>(Raphael likes this)<br>_**Raphael**- In fairness, my bathroom is painted black.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Mines a terracotta colour with pale cream coloured tiles.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- It's also got a shower curtain with ducks printed on it, if anyone's interested. Ducks wearing red Wellingtons.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- My towels are purple.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- And my weight scales have a sticker reading 'Forget Weight; Eat More Cake' written on it.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Oh! And my shower gel smells of 'Exotic Pine Forests' apparently, I think it just smells of shower gel.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- If anyone's wondering why I have weight scales, it for my mum when she comes and visits.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- That's…lovely, Eric. It's not JUST lime green, it's also got a crystal chandelier with silver coloured floor tiles.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Sounds fabulous! Only you can pull off having a chandelier in your bathroom XD  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Everything associated with me needs to be fabulous.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> As 'fabulous' as Alec's sweaters? ;)  
><em>(Raphael, Eric, Simon and 1 other person like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Yeahhhh…That area still needs a little more work…

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**There it is! I hope you liked this chapter. I realized part way through that poor Eric and Raphael were being left out. So I tired to include them both :)  
>But then again, I neglected Maia, so she'll have a cameo in the next chapter.<br>I like the idea of Eric having a cutesy shower curtain; I amuses me way more than it should ;)  
>Also, I changed the name. What If was just a temporary name.<br>Thank you to all those lovely people out there that have reviewed, I hope everyone's enjoying December, unless there are scrooges out there XD**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you for all those lovely people who reviewed my previous chapter, I hope you liked this one :)**

**Disclaimer: I (Unfortunatly) don't own The Mortal Instruments, Big Bang Theory, Glitter, Taki's, firewalking or anything else that's recognisable.**

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Jackass Jace**- I seriously can't think of anything better than a nice slab of greasy calories between two buns. Taki's hamburgers are the best. Especially drenched in ketchup.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Clary Fray and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Sex?  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Sorry, but I don't bat for the other team.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> No, You silly little whore biscuit. The whole greasy-hamburger blah blah blah thing. I'm sure sex is much more pleasurable than tucking into a plate of heat attack.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace-** Silly whore biscuit? I guess so. But still, you can't eat your girlfriend after a long day of demon hunting – Cannibalism is illegal, you know.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- According to sources, people are meant to taste like a gamier version of pork. It's meant to be nice stir-fried. However, I have never had the overwhelming urge to decapitate the nearest human and tuck into a plate of their organs.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Are we seriously having a conversation about what humans taste like? And worse yet – How to cook them?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Yes you are, and it's creeping me out. Stop it.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Alexander Lightwood, Simon and 6 other people like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Simon- **That awkward moment when you accidentally text "Good night; Dream of me ;)" to Alec instead of your girlfriend.**  
><strong>_(Isabelle Lightwood and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)  
><em>**Simon**- I hope you don't mind, but I've filed you under Alexander Bane instead of Alexander Lightwood. You know…cos my phone puts everything in alphabetical order cos of their last name and I keep clicking your name instead of Isabelle's. **  
>Alexander Lightwood- <strong>*Because**  
>Alexander Lightwood- <strong>Atrocious spelling mistakes aside; What makes you think that my last name will be Bane?**  
>Simon- <strong>Dude, your still marrying Magnus – Aren't you?**  
>Alexander Lightwood- <strong>*You're**  
>Alexander Lightwood- <strong>And yes I am…But Magnus might change his name from Bane to Lightwood.**  
>Simon- <strong>I thought it was the 'female' that changed their last name.**  
>Alexander Lightwood- <strong>I'm not a girl!**  
><strong>_(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)  
><em>**Simon- **Well yeah…you get what I mean…I figured you were the…uh…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Yes?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- The…uh…girl in…err…bedroom…uh…hmm…well…this is extremely awkward…  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Alec?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Aleccc?  
><strong>Simon- <strong>Hey dude? You still there?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Helllooooo?  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- What's happening?  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I think I broke your brother.  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- Oh Simon! You have to be careful around Alec. He's like an innocent little baby deer. Anything that involves/mentions bodily contact will frighten him off. I'll go and threaten to set fire to his jumpers – that will get him back to his normal emo self.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wow! He's gone bright red from your comment, Simon. I bet you could fry eggs on his face.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Simon like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- He's not responding to anything I'm doing.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- It's rather nice actually; he's not telling me off for putting my muddy feet up on the table.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- He might not. But Maryse will defiantly have a word or two about it.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Crap! I forgot about her!

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Jackass Jace**- Who wants to go firewalking with me? I've always fancied doing something like that.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- What's firewalking?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> It's when you lay out hot coals on the ground and walk across them in your bare feet.  
><strong>Raphael-<strong> That sounds dangerous.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Exactly.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- That would damage the fragile skin on my feet.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You guys like to suck the joy out of everything – You're like a roost of fledging vampires.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- No offence to Raphael and Simon.  
><em>(Raphael and Simon like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- I will not let you do that Jace! It's wwaayy too dangerous. And while I do want to skin you alive sometimes – You are my adoptive brother :)  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Dude…is Iz being…nice?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Please stop, it's frightening.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I'm a man! I can do what I want. I don't need you looking over me.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I don't want you to have your feet amputated.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Please don't do anything stupid Jace.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh god! Iz loves me.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- As a sister.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Sisterly love from you still creeps the bejebus me out.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You cross the fine line between "Loving Sister" and "Creepy Relative" far too many times for my liking. I bet I'll wake up in the night with you hovering over me, taking photos to add to your Jace Shrine.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> You wish.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I bet Clary has a Jace Shrine.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I have your picture set as my phone background, but other than that – No I don't.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Clary&Isabelle: 1 Jace: 0  
><strong>Eric<strong>- You fail, Jace.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Oh gee, thanks.

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Do you reckon I could get some extra cash by creating glitter cat food? Also, I'm bored as hell.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Simon-** Glitter…cat food?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yeah, it's like normal cat food. But with edible glitter in it.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I'd buy it.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Thank you :)  
><strong>Eric-<strong> But I need to get a cat first.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Drats.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Why don't you also create sparkling fish food? Lots of people have fish, and it'll turn the water all glittery :O  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- What a fabulous idea. I'll call it DiscoFish.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> My loins are telling me that DiscoFish would totally sell.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Despite how disturbing the mental image that has been planted in my mind due to your previous comment is, thank you.

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Eric-** Maths confuses me D:  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Simon and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Eric-** I wish someone would explain the basics to me.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- It's easy once you get the hang of it.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Me + Alec = Sexytimes.

_(Isabelle Lightwood and Alexander Lightwood like this)_  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Glitter = Yay  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Jace + Blonde Hair = Blonde Justin Bieber  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> Shoes = :D  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- ): = Alec's face in the morning without coffee.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- :O = Jace's face when he sees naked Clary  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Hey!  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Isabelle + Food = Instant death.

_(Alexander Lightwood, Clary Fray, Maia and 2 other people like this)  
><em>**Jackass Jace**- Isabelle = Run. Run fast.  
><em>(Eric, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Alexander Lightwood and 1 other person likes this)<br>_**  
>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*<br>**  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Anyone want to play my slightly modified Over-The-Internet charades? There's nothing like good old fashioned games to start the Christmas mood.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Eric, Raphael and 3 other people like that)<br>_**Eric-** Sounds cool.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Okay…hm…I'm going to type something, and you have to guess what I am.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> These Mundie games never cease to comfuse me.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> You'll get the hang of it.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Okay, here we go: Ribbit Ribbit  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Frog. That was easy.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Of course it was easy, I was taking it down to Jace's level ;)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Fine then! Bring it on. Take it up to the hardest level.

**Simon-**   
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Cat caught in a blender?  
><em>(Magnus sparkles' Bane and Simon like this)<br>_**Simon**- Nope.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- A car?  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Of course not.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Cat driving a racing car?  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Nope.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Has it got anything to do with cats?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Nuh-uh  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Are you…the noise a jet-pack makes!  
><strong>Simon-<strong> No.  
><strong>Raphael-<strong> We give up, what are you?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- I'm the Doppler Effect.

**Jackass Jace**- What on earth is that?  
><strong>Simon<strong>- The Doppler Effect: An increase or decrease, in the frequency of sound, light, or other waves as the source and observer move towards or away from, each other. The effect causes a noticeable change in pitch. Thus the noise.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Have you never watched the Big Bang Theory?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Oh gosh! Now I remember. That's what Shelden dressed up as to the Halloween Party. How can I forget what the Doppler Effect is!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Does anyone actually know what these two are talking about?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Nada  
><strong>Raphael<strong>- No.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Not a clue.  
><strong><br>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Isabelle Lightwood**- The iron broke when I was ironing the clothes D:  
><em>(Simon, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Raphael like this)<br>_**Simon-** Oh the irony! ;)  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Alexander Lightwood, Eric and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood-** Sometimes I wonder why I date you.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Because I'm adorably cute :)  
><em>(Eric and Maia like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- As 'Adorably Cute' as a vampire can get.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Clary Fray** to **Alexander Lightwood**- Hey Alec, do you think you could tell us all another story. Like your Halloween one, but with a Christmas twist?  
><em>(Simon, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Eric and 2 other people like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- I don't know…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Please! I'll force you eat my chocolate and cod soup if you don't.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Come on, I quite liked your last story. Apart from the fact that I was the guy who was eaten…  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Fine then, what do you want it to be about.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Something magical. Oh! And has us in it!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Ok.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Once upon a time there was this ugly kid. He was really ugly and everyone threw up when they saw him.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I thought this was meant to be all Christmasy D:  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Wait for it Eric. Anyway, he was so ugly that he had to have lunch with the janitor everyday, the janiter was blind (That's why he didn't throw up). The name of this ugly boy was Jace.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- What! Wait!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- He had the biggest crush on this girl called Clary who didn't even know that Jace exist. He pined after her pathetically and cried into his pillow each night, like the whiney little dog he is.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What's with the Jace bashing!  
>Isabelle Lightwood- Jace, I told you not to use his favourite sweater to pick up Chruch's hairball…<br>**Alexander Lightwood**- Suddenly! There was a bright light and a figure popped up out of nowhere, glitter showered down from the ceiling and got everywhere, all over the ugly boy and his equally ugly stuff. The glitter cleared and revealed some tall man "Hello, my name is Magnus Bane and I'm your fairy Godmother"  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh yes, I've made my cameo.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Jace nearly died at the sight of Magnus, because he was so amazing and he was just really ugly. "I can grant you one wish!" Magnus yelled "Anything you want!"  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- "I want to be desirable to all the girls!" Jace cried. And before he knew it. Everything when dark and sparkly.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Ooh! The suspense.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> And then Jace realized that Magnus had turned him into a stiletto. The end.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- What! But I wanted to be something desirable to all girls!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Exactly. Most girls I know like shoes.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Maia and 5 other people like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Well, girls and Magnus.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Jackass Jace**- I believe in Santa.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Simon**- How can you believe in Santa! He isn't real.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Last year I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever. I woke up on Christmas day, looked in the mirror, and saw myself. Of course he's real – He gave me what I asked for.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I'm surprised that your gigantic ego doesn't cause your head to explode.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- I really don't get why you, you of all people! Get on so well with sweet little Clary.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood-<strong> I sometimes ponder over that.  
><strong>Clary Fray-<strong> Jace is so kind and caring. Hot too.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Clary's been brainwashed!  
><em>(Eric and Simon like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Oh thanks Iz!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- And you wonder why I constantly bitch about your cooking 'skills'

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Eric<strong> to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love my new microphone :D  
><em>(Magnus Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus Bane<strong>- No problem – I sent all my friends gifts.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Sent? More like 'Magicked' them in ;)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Indeed. XD  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- I seriously love you Bane. How did you know that I wanted a pair of Gucci Stilettos?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Because I'm epic, that's why.  
><strong>Maia<strong>- You got me coupons to get my hair done, thank you. You wont believe how expensive it is to get your hair braided nowadays!. :) I'm going to give you a big hug when I next see you.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- You got me a mop.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Not just a mop, I got you baby wipes too. Also, the has mop the words 'Jackass Jace' written down the handle with rhinestones.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Why a mop, of all things?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Because you're always cleaning. ;)  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Maia and Eric like this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Pantone Art Materials from London! Thank you Magnus!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- No problem gorgeous. I saw you checking out the Pantone website the other day.  
><strong>Raphael-<strong> I got a Dracula costume…With plastic fangs too.  
><em>(Simon, Eric, Maia and 4 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I know you love it really.  
><em>(Raphael likes this)<br>_**Simon**- Thanks for the Vans trainers, dude :D  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-** No problem :)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- What did Magnus get you, Alec?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Neon blue hairdye. Black jeans. Edible body glitter (Which I'm never going to put on) and a cat collar.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Eric, Simon and 1 other person likes this)<br>_**Eric- **Cat collar?  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric-<strong> It that some strange fetish you have or something?  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh god no! He got the collar for me to give to Chairman! It's not for me! He has this thing that we each have to give a present to Chairman Meow, but I forgot to get him something, so Magnus got a collar for me to give to him.  
><em>(Chairman Meow likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Excuses Excuses  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> I'm telling the truth.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> He is telling the truth. Unfortunatly ;)

**Jackass Jace**- Sorry to interrupt this…stupendously thrilling…conversation, but I just realized that my mop turns to the floor sparkly when I use it.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh yes :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Not just any ordinary sparkles, but pink sparkles.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Your point being?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- My point being that my lovely clean 100 year old oak floor is now coated in pink glitter that won't get off!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- After 3 days it'll dissolve and your floor will be back to normal.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- So I have to endure 3 days to torture?  
><em>(Magnus' Sparkles like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Again, your point being?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Even if I close my eyes I can still see it all! It's like trying to go to sleep in Elton Johns costume studio. Everywhere I look there's glitter.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I know it's hard, but believe me. You'll get used to it eventually.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow; try to retain from killing those annoying family members who nick the last Yorkshire Pudding. ;)  
><strong> 


	23. Chapter 23

**I do not own The Mortal Instruments...yet...**

**A nice long chapter for you to enjoy~  
>Warning!: This chapter does have some language in it, seeing as it does include the amazing wonder that is Autocorrect.<br>I'm sorry if there are spelling mistakes in this chapter, I did go through it so many times but I was being distracted by QI – Or more ****specifically; ****Stephen Fry's psychedelic choice of tie.**

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Eric-** That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octupus.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>  
><strong>Simon<strong>- Hello Eric! How are you fish sticks?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I'm good, thank chair.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> That's nice to dishwasher.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Man, I'm so bored at the flip flop.  
><strong>Simon<strong>- I know what you lampshade.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Drats, I just dropped a packet of grenades.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- That's a vital ingrediant in my amazing Victoria Sponge Fish.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I'll have to nip out and get some in a lifeboat.

**Eric**- Thankfully the stores open late this pig.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Ooh! I like Victoria Sponge Cake. Well, you know, before I got turned into a place mat.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I think I'll make brownies instead saucepan  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Please stop this insanity! The more I try to understand what on earth you two are saying, the more brain cells I'm killing.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Yeah! Don't kill to many. He didn't have much to begin with and soon he may be reduced to a slimey pile of goo.  
><em>(Eric and Simon like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I managed to convince a drunk Alec to get a heart tattoo on his left buttock. :) See you in two hours.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood and Jackass Jace like this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Haha! Great joke.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- What joke?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>…  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-…Are you actually serious?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Ahahaha! April fools!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- You do know it's not April, right? It is actually January.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Oh BishBashBosh! The Cold War wasn't actually fought in Winter. So therefore April Fools doesn't have to be in April. You're such a fun sucker.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> None of that makes sense.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- FUN SUCKER!  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Have you been sniffing Sharpies again?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Firstly, I'm not getting a tattoo on my left buttock. Secondly, I wasn't drunk. Thirdly, He couldn't have sniffed Sharpies (I took them away last week), he ate too many fairy cakes.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Clary Fray like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- Anyway, ignore him, he gets rather blunt and hyper when he has too much icing sugar.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- XD Oh Magnus, you silly thing! It's like Jace and cola. He goes beyond hyper.

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Clary Fray**- Isabelle made some brownies and they were edible. This is not a joke, I repeat; This is not a joke.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Oh man! I tried one of those. They were actually…okay…  
><strong>Eric<strong>- It's official. Hell has frozen over. The rapture is beginning. You never know, we might die tomorrow because of this sudden change in events.  
><em>(Simon, Alexander Lightwood, Maia and 9 other people like this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Firstly, I zapped those in from the finest bakery in France, Isabelle did not in fact bake those. That's why they're so good.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Secondly, you could of at least left one for me!

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Why don't girls find me appealing. I try so hard, buy them flowers and chocolates. Compliment them. And what do they do! Kick me to the curb!  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Oh Eric…  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I'm sure there's a girl out there for you.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Oh really! I'm trying awfully hard to find her and I'm failing.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Maybe it's how you've approach them that scares them off. You've got to be sophisticated and smooth.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I don't know how to be 'Sophisticated and Smooth'  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I know! Show us some of your best pick up lines. I'll get Alexander's rather lovely arse on here to be the test subject.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Test…Subject?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Uh…?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane- <strong>Okay. Imagine Alexander is a beautiful girl with nice long black hair, eyes like the ocean and mile long legs. Are you getting the visual?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Uh, sure. But can you change his name. It's hard to hit on one of your friends when they have a male name. Oh! Make it a sexy name, like…like…Sugar.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Sugar sounds like a stripper's name.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> I happen to think it's a sexy name. I've met a few Sugar's in my life :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> That's probably why your relationships don't last longer than one night.  
>(Clary Fray, Simon and Raphael like this)<br>**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Okay! So Alexander's name is now Sugar. She has black hair, blue eyes, hourglass figure and whatever clothes you want her to be wearing. You've just seen her in a bar and you walk over. What's the first thing you say to her?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Hi?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Hello.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I'm sorry, but this is beyond wrong. I can't chat up my friend; who's male and already taken.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- I already told you Eric, this is for education and your future relationships. Now start again, you see her in a bar…yadda yadda…what do you say?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I'm bond. james bond.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Just to inform you, you need capital letters for names.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Unless you want to scare her off. I'd recommend using the classical "Hello, I'm Eric"  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Okay then…Hello, I'm Eric. What's your name?

**Alexander Lightwood**- Alexander Lightwood. Call me Alec though.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Your names meant to be Sugar!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Fine. My names Sugar.

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Okay, now introductions are over and done with. You need to tell her a pick-up-line. Show us what you've got!  
><strong>Simon-<strong> This is going to be rather interesting ;)  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Raphael and Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Eric-** So Sugar, do you hear that sound?

**Alexander Lightwood**- If you're referring to the repetitive hum of a computer fan then it's my laptop. I think it needs a check up. If you're not referring the previously mentioned noise – then no. I don't.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Um…okay…anyway…I know what that noise is.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh really?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> It's the sound of my heart beating for you.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Well that's highly unlikely seeing as one would not be able to hear your heart beating unless my ear was forcibly pressed against your chest. And I do not wish to do so seeing as that would be entering another person's personal space. I know how uncomfortable that feels.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Wow Alec! You're playing the part of a love-stuck girl perfectly *Sarcasm*  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Maia, Chairman Meow and 5 other people like that)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Well that failed miserably. Try another pick up line, Eric. And Alexander! Try to act like a random GIRL Eric's never met before. I'll cut your sweaters if you don't.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Right…GO!  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Hi.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh golly! You scared the bejeebus out of me random person I've never met before in my life.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Sorry about that, my stunningly good looks do startle some people.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Giggle*  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Anyway, do you like sweets?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Yes.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Well my lips are skittles…Wanna taste the rainbow?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I'm sorry, but I don't like skittles. Did you know that the hard coating is made from Shellac; A resin secreted by the female Lac Bug?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- ^Now that, ladies and gentlemen - Is what you call a 'Mood-Killer'  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I dunno what you mean Jace! If Alec was a girl I'd totally jump her bones. Smart girls are sexy.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Nice to know that my female self is sexy.

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- If you like smart girls – I recommend milling around any local libraries with a packet of skittles.  
><em>(Eric, Jackass Jace and Alexander Lightwood like this)<br>_  
><strong>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*<strong>

**Isabelle Lightwood** to **Magnus Bane-** Hey! You wanna meet up and go shopping? :)  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- As much as I'd like to, I'm eating lunch with Alec at Hressingarskálinn.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Hressing…what!  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Hressingarskálinn.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I've never heard of that café, is it new?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Meh, fairly. It's nice, cheap and has lovely food. After I'm going to take him to see Gullfoss, Reykjavík's most famous waterfall before dropping him back off at the Institute.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Hang on a minute…You've taken Alec out to lunch to a café in Reykjavík…Iceland's capital?  
><strong>Clary Fray-<strong> I went to Iceland when I was little – It's really nice.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Yup :) And tomorrow I'm taking him to the Frida Kahlo museum in Mexico. I've always wanted to take him there.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Wow! That's pretty cool :D  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- You had to be a freaking vampire, didn't you Simon? Why couldn't you be a warlock and take me to lovely places.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I do! I took you to the park yesterday.  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Despite acting like one, you do know that Isabelle isn't a dog – Right? ;)  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Woah! For the sake of your life, let's hope Iz doesn't understand what you just said.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- YOU LITTLE CREEP! JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOUR STUPID LITTLE NECK! I AM NOT A BITCH!  
>(<em>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-** I'm glad I'm out the country at the moment. ;)  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> If I accidentally got caught in Iz's killing spree I'd be dead in seconds. What would the world do without this beautiful specimen of the man!  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I've locked myself in a toilet.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Ew ):  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Well, what would you rather do. Be cramped in a confined space that smells like something's died in there? Or try and calm Isabelle down?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- lol! That's a no-brainer.  
><strong>Eric-<strong> I'd stay in that toilet for as long as I needed.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane and Simon like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Alexander Lightwood**- Who wants an iPhone?  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simon, Raphael and 4 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Me :)  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I'll give you money for it!  
><em>(Alexander Lightwood likes this)<br>_**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Alexander Gideon Lightwood. You are not selling your new phone!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- But it annoys me ): What was wrong with me old one?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- It was black. Had a crack across the screen and was generally a big clumpy block of crap. You are keeping that iPhone. I got it especially for you.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong> – You brought something!  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simon, Eric and 1 other person like this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Fine, I didn't 'buy' it. But it was still given to you with love and care.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> Fine. I'll see if I can get used to this annoying Autocorrect thing. I type one thing and it completely changes it to something completely irrelevant!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<em>  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-<strong> Try uploading comments through your Facebook app, it'll help you get used to it :)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Thanks.

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Under the guidance of Alec and Clary, I've made a lovely carrot cake :D Does anyone want to try some?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- No thanks.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong> - Please. I made sure that there's nothing horrible in there. And it's not burnt :)  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Nope.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh come one! At least have a testicle – It's really nice and soft.  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Raphael, Maia and 7 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- A testicle!:! I don't care how nice and soft they are, but I'm not tucking into any male body parts any time soon.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh man! I said taste! Not testicle! Taste! I hate this fudge phone.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *fudge  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- *Feaking. Finally!  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- ):  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I'm going to go fry now.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Die!  
><em>(Eric, Simon and Jackass Jace like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- ARGH!  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane, Eric, Raphael and 7 other people like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Jackass Jace** to **Clary Fray-** So you wanted pencils. Right?  
><em>(Eric likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray-** No.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I swear you said you wanted pencils.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I said I wanted Derwent Watersoluable pencils and a putty eraser. Not 'Pencils'  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>-Same thing though.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- They are not the same thing. And I swear I'll punch you senseless if you come home with a pack of 10 Barbie colouring pencils like you did the other time.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay, fine. Derwent Watersoluable pencils, putty eraser and…err…what was the other thing again?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- You have the attention span of a jelly fish. And the 'other thing' was a pad of A4 sketching paper. Not printing paper! Sketching paper!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- But…  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Yes I will know the difference.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- But surely…  
><strong>Clary Fray-<strong> Jace, I'm an Artist. I will know the difference between printing paper and sketching paper.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Now get going!  
>Jackass Jace- Gosh, you get rather irritable when you're ill.<br>**Clary Fray-** GET THE PAPER!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay, okay. I'm going.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- On a side note. I think a certain someone has been spending a tad too much time with Iz.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood, Eric, Simon and 1 other person like this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanugans)***

**Simon to Eric**- THERE'S A NEW COMIC BOOK STORE OPEN!  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Really!  
><strong>Simon-<strong> Yes :D :D :D :D That clothes shop closed down – It's in there.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Oh dear, please don't get anymore comics darling.  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I'll only get one.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- One million, more like.  
><em>(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Are you serious! :D Because if you are then we have some serious shopping to do. Hopefully they've got that one that I've been searching for. Please tell me you're serious.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Eric; You know it's serious when Simon's cockslapping someone.  
><em>(Eric, Simon and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Cockslapping.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Capslocking.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- You know Simon's serious when he's capslocking someone.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Shesh!  
><strong>Eric<strong>- I actually love your new phone. Who needs TV when you have autocorrect?  
><em>(Jackass Jace likes this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- I think you can turn that Autocorrect thing off.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Really! How?  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Not telling you ;) You're mistakes are too funny.  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Isabelle Lightwood like this)<em>  
><strong>Eric<strong>- Jace has really rubbed off on you.  
><strong>Eric<strong>- FYI. I mean that in the totally non-dirty way.  
><em>(Simon likes this)<em>

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- I just got a bulkload of Krispy Kreme's, who wants some!  
>(<em>Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Raphael and 4 other people like this)<em>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Me!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Of course :)  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Love ya!  
><strong>Eric-<strong> I love you too :) Now gimmie donuts!  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Shut up, she meant me you idiot. Okay, anyone else?  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I love Krispy Koreans, save some for me.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Koreans  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Kreme's  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Okay, that's some Krispy Kreme's for Clary and Eric. And some Krispy Koreans for Alec ;)  
><em>(Magnus 'sparkles' Bane likes this)<br>_**Clary Fray**- Oh, stop being so mean to the poor boy. It's okay Alec – I'll hit Jace around the head if he laughs at you again :)  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Thank you, at least someone is nice to me.

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- Hehe. I've got gigantic strawberry cheesecake. You jelly? ;)  
><em>(Eric, Simon, Jackass Jace and 4 other people like this)<br>_**Eric-** I'm not that jealous. Strawberry cheesecake creeps me out.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Fair enough :)  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Can I have some?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Of course! I have plenty to go around.  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Can I have some too?  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Sure :D  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Leave some for me, I'm Hallucinating.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> *Hannibal  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Hemorrhoid  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Hungarian  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Hungry.  
><strong>Magnus 'sparkles' Bane<strong>- Of course you can Alexander :) xxx

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Oh Alexander, don't you know that all the words in your iPhone are ones that you've used at some point?  
>I hate autocorrect, it happens all the time and you don't realize anything until you've sent the message XD<strong>

**TheHayster16 commented about the fact that I should have some more Clary scenes. I completely forgot about her! I mean, I like Clary – But she's not my favourite character (As you can probably tell from the copious amounts of Magnus, Alec, Eric and Simon) I'll try and add her in more in the next chapter when I get more of an understanding of her personality :)**

**Anyway, farewell my fellow MI fans! Thank you for reading this chapter and I hope to upload another one soon. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Gosh! I really don't know quite what to say! The sheer amount of amazing reviews and comments has really rendered me speechless.  
>Well…Not, entirely. ;)<br>As a thank you for all of you out there, I've written some little short stories at the end of this chapter. I've taken the most liked status' from the whole of this story and written the background for how they were created. I hope you like them, just think of them as a little 'Thank-You' from me to you :)  
>I did less of the actual Facebook thing because of how long the stories have become, but I promise it'll all go back to normal in the next chapter.<strong>

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments. But I do own the little stories at the bottom of this chapter.**

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)**

**Clary Fray** to **Magnus The Magnificent**- I like your new name, it's so true ;)  
><em>(Magnus The Magnificent likes this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Pft, as if. It should be 'Magnus The Turd' or 'Manky Magnus'  
><strong>Magnus The Magnificent<strong>- You're just jealous of my stunning good looks and amazing personality.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Why; Thank you for describing my best qualities! ;)

***(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*****  
><strong>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood-<strong> I'm feeling so lesbian today.  
><em>(Clary Fray, Magnus The Magnificent, Raphael and 4 other people like that)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Friggin phone, I'm not a girl. *Lesbian.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Lazy  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I swear that if Magnus didn't give me the eyes whenever I threaten to bash the screen in – I'd burn this thing on a Bongo.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Backpack  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Budapest  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Buttock  
><em>(Eric and Simon like this)<em>  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Ugh! *Beanbag  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Bingo wings  
><em>(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Maia and 2 other people like this)<br>_**Alexander Lightwood**- *Bicycle  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Binoculars  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Bra  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- *Barbeque  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- YES! Finally! Lets try this again.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- I swear that if Magnus didn't give me the eyes whenever I threaten to bash the screen in – I'd burn it on the barbeque.  
><strong><br>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Eric- **You know, sometimes I wish I could just regenerate like Doctor Who does. I could regenerate into a 7 foot tall, sexy man with bulging muscles. Oh! And no acne.  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Simon and Magnus the Magnificent like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace-** What happens if you get turned into a really fat 70 year-old woman with 18 cats?  
><strong>Eric<strong>- That won't happen! All the doctors in Doctor Who are somewhat good looking.**  
>Magnus the Magnificent<strong>- Somewhat, you say?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> Yup :)  
><strong>Magnus the Magnificent-<strong> So, you could be a 20 year old dude with a really hot face, but then he has the body of a walrus. What would you do then?  
><strong>Eric-<strong> You really do know how to crush a guys dreams, don't you?  
><em>(Jackass Jace and Eric like this)<em>  
><strong><br>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)*  
><strong>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Nothing like some toast and bacon in the morning – shame I didn't have anyone to share it with *coughJACEANDALECcough*  
><em>(Jackass Jace, Eric, Simon and 3 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- We have a perfectly reasonable explanation for that…  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Which is?  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- Uh.  
><strong>Jackass Jace<strong>- We had to go rescue a…a…red squirrel from a birdfeeder.  
><em>(Simon and Eric like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- …It was a very important task, seeing that red squirrels are endangered.  
><em>(Eric and Raphael like this)<br>_**Isabelle Lightwood**- And it took two grown men to rescue this…squirrel?  
><strong>Simon-<strong> I detect a lie.  
><em>(Eric likes this)<em>  
><strong>Jackass Jace-<strong> Shut the hell up! It wasn't a lie!  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- After having breakfast I saw you two eating pancakes in Taki's in your PJ's  
><em>(Simon, Eric, Magnus the Magnificent and 4 other people like this)<br>_**Jackass Jace**- Fine, we just wanted to escape your cooking.  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- My cooking was lovely! Oh, and Alec, you're silk PJ's were very lovely.  
><strong>Alexander Lightwood<strong>- Oh no…I forgot I was wearing those… ):  
><em>(Magnus the Magnificent likes this)<em>  
><strong><br>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Story 1 (Based on Alec's status to Magnus in chapter 1)  
>STATUS:<br>****Alexander Lightwood** to **Magnus 'sparkles' Bane-**Whenever I'm around you I want to rip those tantalizingly tight clothes from your body and ravish you. You're such a hottie! Call me for a good time baby! You know where I am ;)

"Hurry up and get the popcorn! The movies about to start!" Jace yelled, his eyes were fixated on the TV screen – sock covered feet propped up on the coffee table which was littered with empty pizza boxes, half-full bottles of cola and screwed up crisp packets. He did have the bin nearby though, in case there was a sudden appearance of Maryse who would skin them alive for the trashing the place. Yawning, he grabbed Alec's phone when it made a little chirp noise, some text from Magnus claiming that there was such a thing as edible glitter.  
>"I can't find it!" Alec's muffled voice yelled back; it was hard to hear through the shuffling of boxes "Crap! I think Iz has put it in Church's food bowl again, no matter how many times I tell her. Cats have to eat cat food."<br>Jace's brow creased in confusion at his parabati's statement as he idly flicked through Alec's facebook inbox. "Oh well, I think there's some Pringles in the cupboard. The one to the left of the sink" Jace replied, hiding an amused chortle as he replied to various messages.

"Kay" Alec said back, continuing his search for the barbeque flavoured Pringles. Jace hit the pause button on the TV and resumed his previous task of sending flirtatious messages to Simon and Raphael. Oh, Alec was going to punch him to the high heavens for this – But the confused replies from their friends made it seem worth it. Suddenly, an idea hit him. Laughing lightly, Jace went to Magnus' homepage and typed up the quick (And highly inappropriate) message. He managed to click send and place the phone back on the table as Alec entered the room and collapsed heavily on the sofa – crunching crisps noisily. However, he suddenly paused and turned to look at Jace with an apprehensive look, the same one he gave Isabelle when she served him a chocolate spread and fish finger sandwich yesterday for lunch.

"What have you done?" Alec inquired; he grabbed the remote and hit play before leaning back against the plush cushions "You've got that look on your face. The one you have when you've done something that highly amusing for you but disastrous for someone else"

Jace gave Alec a shit-eating grin and merely replied with a swift "I really don't know what you're talking about. Must be that Sandwich from yesterday – Messing with your head or something"  
>At the mention of that dreaded sandwich and the hours of vomiting it caused, Alec turned slightly green around the edges and busied himself with checking for messages. His eyes sparked with confusion when he saw that his facebook was open and that he had…10 notifications. Apparently he'd sent Magnus a message. His face turned from apprehensive to horrified within seconds. Jace couldn't help himself and openly chuckled, much to the annoyance of the red faced male next to him. <p>

"Ohhhh…" Alec began; his eyes were narrowed – Like sharp, dangerous shards of sapphire "You are so dead"

Jace swore loudly as a remote smacked against the side of his face.

**Story 2 (Based on Magnus' status in the second chapter)**

**STATUS:  
><strong>**Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- CHAIRMAN MEOW JUST ATE MY GLITTER, THE LITTLE FLUFF-BALL! :C

"I SAVED YOUR SORRY LITTLE ARSE OFF THE STREETS. I GIVE YOU FRESH MILK AND WATER. YOU GET THE BEST FREAKING CAT FOOD THERE IS. AND WHAT DO YOU DO! YOU EAT MY GLITTER! YOU ATE MY LIMITED EDITION AUQAMARINE COLOUR. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! I WAS GOING TO WEAR THAT FOR MY DATE TONIGHT" Magnus screamed, his hair was in mess, guyliner smudged around his furious animalistic eyes, hands balled at the sides of his slender frame. The little white cat merely squatted and did a little tinkle on the lovely antique Persian rug in reply, causing Magnus to scream in frustration.  
>He grabbed the kitten around the middle and yanked him from the floor, ignoring the blur of claws and screeching meows.<br>Suddenly –Much to Magnus' relief- Chairman Meow ceased his struggle and gave Magnus a look of deep concentration. Magnus quirked his eyebrow in confusion and said "What now?"  
>Chairman Meow promptly threw up the contents of his stomach onto his retro sofa before sending Magnus something akin to a cat-smirk; Magnus swore that the sparkling blue vomit started sizzling and burning at the fabric. Apparently pleased with the corrosive quality of his stomach acid and the horrified look on Magnus' face, Chairman leapt from him Magnus' arms and scampered towards the bedroom to hide for the next hour.<p>

**Little Story 3 (Jace's status in chapter 12)  
>STATUS:<br>****Jackass Jace****-** Attention occupants of the Institute. Attention occupants of the Institute. Clarissa Fray is making dinner, followed by homemade steamed toffee sponge. Isabelle Lightwood is not. And I repeat NOT. Making dinner tonight. You don't have to find place the sick-bucket next to your bed, or smuggle a packet of paracetamol upstairs. Because Clarissa Fray is making dinner. Thank you for listening. Ps. I bugsy second helpings of the toffee sponge.

"Watcha doing?" Jace sung, tan arms wound around Clary's slender waist from behind and a blonde head rested comfortably on her shoulder.  
>"Cooking" Clary replied; she snuggled back into Jace's embrace and continued stirring the mince so it didn't burn "Iz is feeling ill and asked if I could make some dinner. I'm making toffee sponge with homemade custard for dessert"<br>Smiling broadly, Jace mumbled "Have I ever mentioned how much I love you" He kissed the side of Clary's pale freckled neck "It's been ages since we've been fed good food. The only thing Isabelle's food succeeds in doing is corroding the cutlery"

"Hey!" Isabelle's cold ridden voice exclaimed, she'd shuffled into the kitchen to grab a can of fizzy tropical and a couple of codeine. Clary noted that even though her nose was pink tinged, her face pale and long black hair pulled up into a scruffy ponytail; she still looked beautiful. "You just don't know good food when you see it" She continued, pulling a face at the sour taste of the pain medication, she lightly whacked Jace on the shoulder on the way out. Before the door closed behind her, Jace managed to yell out.  
>"Nice Hello Kitty PJ's, Iz"<br>Clary giggled at the other girls angry huff of annoyance.

**Little story 4 (Simon's comment to Eric in chapter 17)  
>STATUS:<br>****Simon** to **Eric**- Hello Zitzilla. (Then the whole 'Eric the zit nosed teenger' song by Magnus happened)

"It's massive" Eric cried in despair, prodding the rather large spot on his nose "It's like, blocking 50% of my vision" Simon laughed at his best friends antics and continued setting up the drum kit in the living room of his and Kyle's shared apartment for band practice. "It'll go soon" The vampire said.

"The gig's tomorrow! And what if I get lucky?" Eric huffed "The only way I can hide it is if I put my hair over my face. I'm so not getting laid when I look like cousin It"  
>The rest of the band members chose that moment to enter the trendy apartment, carrying various instruments, or in Kyle's case; a take-away McDonalds bag.<p>

"Woah!" Kirk exclaimed, a look of shock on his face "What on earth is that…that…thing on your nose" Eric gave a pitiful cry and covered his face, much to the other guys amusement.  
>"He's worried that it'll put all the girls off" Simon snorted, Matt chuckled and mumbled a quick "He doesn't need the zit to put all the girls off" Him and Kirk gave each other a high five. "Oh come on guys" Kyle began, greedily chomping at his Big Mac "Poor guy, stop teasing him"<p>

A moments silence passed

"But heck!" Kyle winced, peering closer at Eric's nose "I think that thing is as big as America"

**Little story 5 (Magnus' status in chapter 18)  
>STATUS:<br>****Magnus 'sparkles' Bane**- I keep hearing creepy noises from under my bed, I'm seriously waiting for a pack of hungry half-decayed zombies to come out and eat my face and then tons of baby warlock/shadowhunter hybrids to break out of my rib cage and eat my glitter.

"Did you hear that!"  
>Alec gave a tired mumble in reply "Magnus…It's…" He craned his neck to peer at the red numbers blinking on the plastic digital clock "…2 in the morning"<br>"So?" Magnus whispered against Alec's neck, his tone deadly serious "It might be a pack of hungry half-decayed zombies" His tan arms tightened around his fiancé's warm torso "They might eat my glitter"  
>Alec sighed and rolled over, so instead of Magnus' face pressing against the back of his neck; they were face to face, Magnus's makeup free eyes were a stunning amber green in the limited light "Mags" He began "I highly doubt that it's a…Shit! What the heck was that!"<br>Magnus gave a chuckle at the look on bewildered look on Alec's face "Believe me now?"

Alec reluctantly pushed the duvet off his body and leant over the side of the bed to peer under into the dark depths. There were a few stray socks, empty hair gel containers and a few half-chewed shoes – Courtesy of Chairman Meow. "I can't see anything"  
>Coughing, Magnus diverted his eyes from the back of Alec's rather nice thighs to the edge of the bed "You mustn't be looking hard enough. I can hear something scratching"<br>Alec leant a little further over the side of the bed and Magnus had to hide a highly amused laugh when the top of his Pj bottoms slipped down – revealing a pair of borrowed hot pink boxers. He grabbed his phone off the bedside table and grabbed a quick photo, perfect blackmail material. Alec's startled cry however, made Magnus drop his phone in shock.  
>"Ack! It's a rat! Chairman must have brought it up here" Alec exclaimed as he leapt backwards as something shot from under the bed. Before it got away and stole his glitter, Magnus pushed Alec off the bed and onto the poor unsuspecting rat with a loud thud. Or in the rat's case, a disgusting squish noise.<p>

"Opps" Magnus said "Sorry about that, my hands slipped"

**Little Story 6 (Isabelle's status in chapter 22)  
>STATUS:<br>****Isabelle Lightwood**- The iron broke when I was ironing the clothes D:

After about half an hour Isabelle managed to successfully get the ironing board up without it falling down, brimming with achievement, she dumped the basket full of creased (But washed) clothing down her feet and picked a T-Shirt at random. It was one of Clary's, she noted. A cute pale green halter neck with white detailing around the edges. After laying it flat on the ironing board she grabbed the hot iron by the handle and began to run it over the soft fabric. 

"Crappy iron" Iz cursed "Why don't you get the creases out"

She thought deeply back to the conversation earlier this morning, where her mum explained to her in detail about how to iron clothes perfectly. "Of course!" Isabelle said to herself "I need the friggin ironing water"  
>She'd searched in all the cupboards in the Institute, the boys rooms, the toilet and all of the other rooms for this oh-so-special 'Ironing-Water' but having failed in her search she returned back to the kitchen, a look of annoyance crossing her face.<p>

'_Surely…'_ She thought _'I can just use something that's watery. That's all it needs, something to create steam'_  
>She grabbed the nearby carton of apple juice and poured the whole lot into the iron. It was watery apple juice anyway; and nobody liked it – at least it was going to good use.<p>

…And that, ladies and gentlemen. Is the story of how the iron died.

**Little Story 7 (Clary's status in chapter 4)  
>STATUS:<strong>  
><strong>Clary Fray<strong>- Just a message to everyone, Jace is ill.  
>- - - - -<p>

Clary and Isabelle looked up from their bowls of Cheerio's as Alec raced into the kitchen. He was hurriedly battling a black T-Shirt over his head and desperately trying not to trip on his undone sneaker laces. After finally managing to yank his shirt on, he grabbed his wallet off the counter with his left hand and tucked the laces inside his shoes with his right.  
>"What's up?" Iz asked after a few moments; she shoved another spoonful of cereal into her mouth and chewed slowly, running her eyes down her brother's war-torn jeans. "Did you just realize that the charity shop down the road is doing another 2-for-1 deal?"<p>

"Haha" Alec laughed dryly, wincing as he saw himself in the mirror, it looked someone had dripped a grenade on his head "As a matter of fact, Jace is ill" He ran a hand roughly through his hair to try and tame it into something that didn't resemble a startled octopus.

Isabelle dropped her spoon in shock "Seriously?" Alec nodded swiftly "Hence the reason why I'm going to convince Magnus to take me somewhere far, _far, _away. I'm thinking China. Maybe New Zealand" He grabbed his keys and legged it for the door "Bye! See you when we're out of the red zone. If you want to avoid him, I'd leave now. I can hear the floorboards creaking in his room" The heavy door slammed shut behind him.

"What was that all about?" Clary asked, confusion lacing her soft voice. She turned back to Isabelle only to find that she was quickly pulling her hair up into a fancy bun before rimming her dark eyes with eyeliner, how she managed to do it so quickly – Clary didn't know "Get out quick" She replied quickly over her shoulder "Jace is the worst ill person ever. Last time, he forced Alec to give him a foot rub and made me bring him up hot lemsips throughout the day. Oh! And he made us fluff his pillows, cut his dinner for him, comb his hair and spray anti-bacterial spray in his room. He's a bit of a germaphobe"

"Guyssss…Guyssssss" Jace's tired voice yelled, his feet making the steps creak on the staircase.

Clary caught the jacket that Iz threw at her but she shook her head firmly and put it aside "Jace is my boyfriend. I need to be there through thick and thin. He's always been there for me when I was ill" Isabelle merely shrugged and uttered a quick "Good luck" before running out the house, though she made sure to close the door carefully so Jace didn't hear.

"Clarryyyy? Can you comb my hair? The little knots are tugging at my poor sensitive scalp and giving me a headache" Jace moaned, his footsteps were gradually getting louder.

Clary promptly grabbed the jacket Isabelle threw at her earlier, pulled it on and ran out the house before Jace saw her.

**Little Story 8: (Isabelle's status in this Chapter)  
>STATUS:<strong>  
><strong>Isabelle Lightwood<strong>- Nothing like some toast and bacon in the morning – shame I didn't have anyone to share it with *coughJACEANDALECcough*

When Jace woke up, it was to the smell of burning toast and bacon; he remembered the last time this kind of shit went down (Which was yesterday, in case you find yourself riddled with curiosity) and therefore was slightly apprehensive of entering the Warzone (Aka – The Kitchen) which in turn would mean having to confront the enemy and their weapons (Aka – Isabelle and the spatula)

He rolled over and contemplated his options. He could go with plan A and pull the classic 'I'm-Feeling-Too-Sick-To-Eat' card, but he had a hunch that Alec was going to do that. So that left plan B and C left; Suicide or sewing his mouth shut. However, both of those ideas would mean having to mutate his magnificent God-Like body – That would be a waste of such a fine specimen of a man.

The door to his bedroom creaked open and his Parabati slipped inside, he was merely wearing some loose fitting navy silk PJ bottoms, clearly brought by Magnus in a effort to 'Gay up the gays wardrobe' as he'd so kindly stated the other day.

"Isabelle is cremating bacon again" He mumbled, looking displeased. Jace snorted in reply, kicked the covers off himself and searched through his wardrobe for something clean to wear.  
>"I think I'll throw up if Iz makes me eat more of her food" Alec continued "I nearly choked on a Brussel Sprout yesterday. They were as hard as cannon balls"<p>

Jace paused, blonde eyebrows furrowing in thought "We had brussel sprouts yesterday?" he pulled on a clean red T-Shirt, he didn't bother changing his PJ bottoms.  
>"Yeah" Alec said absent-mindlessly "For dinner, remember?" He caught the plain black shirt that Jace threw in his direction. "Ooh…I thought they were meatballs" Jace hummed, he noticed the look of confusion on Alec's face "And put the shirt on. Were going jump from my window and go to Taki's for breakfast" Jump was a bit of an exaggeration, seeing as there was a whacking great oak tree growing outside, it was easy to climb down.<p>

"Also, it's payback for when Iz ditched me when I was ill" Jace added.  
><strong><br>*(Facebook And Other Shenanigans)***

**Thank you for reading, and I really do hope you like this chapter! I did go through this numerous times for spelling errors, but a few might have slipped through since I was a little distracted by Sherlock.**

**Have a lovely day/evening/night :)**


End file.
